In the past I have made New Years Resolutions. I don't recall actually going through with any of them. So now, in my wiser years, ha! I don't do them.
I do think of a lot of things I would like to do or accomplish. Mostly though, that is what they are and stay, thoughts.
Every time after having a baby I have wrestled with my rational head space about getting back into some sort of shape. To get my butt off the couch and get some energy back again. The first 4 babies I was ale to get crackin around the 5 months mark. Except for my first babe which I was back to my healthy weight, albeit a different shape, within 2 months. However the motivation back then was our wedding that was coming up which we had changed after bubs EDD was our original wedding date!
Thankfully everything that had a deposit paid was also able to move dates too, phew!
Our latest Bubs was born almost 12 months ago. I know! Time if flying right! Maybe that was my problem, time going by so fast I didn't have time to exercise or even just get my butt out for a walk. Before I knew it winter was upon us and we all know it's too cold to go out.
Let's not forget my excuse of having 5 children! How can I possibly get moving with them all now that my double pram was busted.
Excuses. I had one for everything.
I did start, several times though. And stopped after a week. The motivation just wasn't there. Even seeing pictures of myself didn't help like it had in the past.
It was much easier to keep eating comfort foods everyday and doing the minimal amount of movement possible.
Then about 2 months ago I thought about 2009. There are some big events this year, including Hub's and my 30 birthdays. I looked at a picture of myself taken that day as we talked and said I don't want to look like this on my birthday. But more to the point I want to be healthy and have more energy like I deserve.
Some may laugh, well you have 5 children of course you are tired. Well this was a different kind of tired. Within an hour of waking up I'd want to lay down on the couch and watch the kids play or draw or ask me the millionth question for the day.
Again, just the thought of moving off my butt and out the house was too much effort for me.
I also caught my reflection in a shop window and was almost shocked to see it. Was that me? Surely not. I don't have two butts! The reflection I was looking at did not match the perception I had in my head. Of course that night I had some chocolate to make me feel better. But that only ever lasts until it's all gone, and you are looking at the empty wrapper, or wrappers in my case.
So Hub and I decided to do it together. We needed motivation, strength and encouragement from eachother to not only start, but stick to it.
Which is why I haven't posted about it until now, 2 months later. It wasn't that I thought we couldn't do it, but more about coming back in here a week later saying, well, so much for that.
I am confident now that we have changed many habits and are still moving forward. Each week we get better and better at saying no to foods we used to love, and have too often, and saying yes to eating smaller amounts of whole, healthy foods. Saying yes to getting out the house and moving, moving, moving.
We are in a great groove at the moment which helps a lot. Every night Hub comes home and chills with the kids for a while. I get ready for my walk. I have already prepared or have organised diner for him to cook, which he starts when I walk out the door.
Off on my walk I go. The first time I went it nearly killed me. I was huffing and puffing so much, embarrassed at the thought that people I walked past could hear. Embarrassed that people would see me and think to themselves 'Keep movin'
My internal dialogue was going a million miles an hour. This is too hard. Keep going. I want to stop. I want to have more energy. Is that my lower back fat I can feel whacking my butt? C'mon Mumma, you can do it. Is it quicker to turn back now and go home? Just keep swimming.
When I made it home finally that first day it had taken me way too long to walk almost 3kms.
My heart was pumping loudly and I was a beetroot face. But I had a weird feeling. It was satisfaction. I had done it. I felt sore, but so pleased with myself.
Every walk since then has been a little bit easier. As the weeks have gone by I have lengthened my walked and quickened my pace.
There is a hill I go up near the start of my walk. That first night I almost crawled up it. Now I can walk up quite fast, and not get out of breath.
I know I still have a long way to go, but so far so good. My motivation now is not just about my outer image matching the image I have in my head, but about feeling healthy and having more energy for myself and my family. The kids love it when we go bush walking. I want to be able to keep up with them and not be puffed out.
The older kids have mentioned how fun it would be for me to get a bike so we can ride together. I would like that also. Like I said earlier, time is flying by, and I want to enjoy this time with the kids. I want to be a good role model for my daughters in eating well and being healthy for a long, fulfilling life.
I think most of all, I want to feel good about myself again. On the inside and the outside.