Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Absent, in a few ways

I haven't blogged much at all in the last 5 or so months. To be honest this pregnancy has been quite hard on me emotionally. I am very excited to be having another baby join us, and looking forward to everything that goes with it.
I feel the hormones this time are wreaking havoc inside my poor head.
The kids are great in the scheme of things. There is no one thing that is 'causing' my low feelings. I am also not low or down about anything much at all. I just feel down, in general.

This sucks. For me, Hub and our family. I would never choose to be feeling this way, I don't believe anyone would.
I have kept up with vitamins, making sure I get the nutrients I and bub need. It is bloody hard taking care of yourself with life and children needing you too.

I am not going through this because of 'all those children.' Those who think that do not understand the large family dynamics. The children are very good when I am pregnant, tired and needing extra help. The older children are wonderful with tidying up, folding clothes, vacuuming if need be etc.
Truth be told it would be much harder going through this without them. They are happy to read to the littlies or get them a drink.

I know I will get through this, and for the moment I am really just floating through the days. Doing what I can and trying to look after myself.

And no, I can't 'get over it' or 'just cheer up.' as some suggest. It doesn't work that way. If you think it does, you need to do some actual research and reading and maybe a lesson or two in compassion and empathy.

You might see me out and about with 'all those children' and think I have it together, am doing great, and wow even smiling and laughing. I do have good times and moments, amongst the numbness and wanting to just stay in bed all day and night.
Seeing me happy does not mean I am now better. It just means what it is, that I am happy in the moment.
You can't make yourself happy, or force happiness.

I have added a break from Facebook on my list of things to help. I had noticed a fair amount of negativity, sadness, anger and some things that were just depressing lately. I don't want to stop any of that completely from my life, as sometimes it is unavoidable, but by taking a break from Facebook I can cut some of it out.

My posts here will be sporadic at best for a bit longer.
I am ok but I am not ok. I am working on it in my own way and doing what I need for me.

I do appreciate thoughts being sent my way, cheers.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Things I have learned this week

~When you are building a house and call people in specific jobs, for example town planner, do not assume they actually know their job and can answer your basic questions. Lower your expectations from the beginning and expect to talk to a lot of people to find one simple answer.

~ Town Planning, generally suck. If you are lucky enough to find a person who can hold a conversation, speak fluently and coherently get down ALL their numbers and hold them around their legs and do not let go!

~ No matter how many times you think this time it will be different, it won't. What am I talking about here? Phone calls, when children are still within a 2km radius. No I am not exaggerating. I keep getting sucked in, damn it. Unfortunately we only have a phone attached to the wall at this house (how old fashioned?!). I keep meaning to add cordless phone to our shopping list. But really, I wonder if I keep forgetting because I remember back to when we had a cordless (before it was broken, sigh) and it really wasn't that much help. The kids would follow me, or hunt me out when I thought I was clever and had snuck away, or if I shut the door and held it closed with my foot they'd call out 'Mumma' in a sing song voice while kicking their feet against the door in rhythm.
Who knows what I will do!

~ I have a hatred so high for scary/horror movies, I am now convinced it will always be there, and I am ok with that. Hub and I watched a movie the other night, and while it was mild in regards to the horror genre it still had me sleepless all night after watching.
I told Hub no more. I'm done. Drama, Happy and Rom Com only for me, and kids movies too of course.

~ I will never get used to vomit. Ever. In the last week we have dealt with a lot of vomit. It's bad enough when I am not pregnant so you can imagine how much the stench affected me this bout of sickness. This time the second eldest woke me in the morning, telling me he had vomited in the toilet. I'd been up and down with his younger brother through the night so was a bit grumbly at being woken up for that. I told him no worries, just grab a bowl and hop on the couch and rest.
Soon after younger brother came in saying he wanted to use my toilet. I asked if someone was on the kids toilet. He said no, there is vomit in there.
So I got up and assumed he wanted me to flush it. Nup. There in FRONT of the toilet, on the floor, a huge vomit. Gah! Second eldest son obviously meant the toilet room.
Hub was at work. You know what this means. I was the only adult i the house. I had to clean it up. Damn. So I did. Sooking and whinging all the while.
Fingers crossed we are done with sickness for a while. All healthy and bright eyed again.
But I am sure some bug will find us within minutes of us having every sheet and piece of clothing washed, dried and put away.

~ I really, really, really want a laminator and a binder. They are up top on my homeschool supplies list. Seeing other home ed Mums show me how fun they are does not help the coveting.
I have heard they pop up now and then at Aldi. A couple of Mums have purchased them there and are very happy with their quality.
I remember when I was in school and we would type up our own stories and then bind them. It was so much fun, and I loved having my own 'Books.' I'm looking forward to doing the same with the kids.