Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

The other side of Homeschooling.

So often in life we talk and rave on about all the great parts of something.
I find homeschooling to be right up there. It IS great, and fun and fulfilling.
We hear about it often.

But it can also suck so much you are ready to grab the keys and walk out the door. It can be hard. It can be frustrating. It can be just like parenting.
I love my children with all my heart. My biggest lessons in life have been around my children and the joys and challenges they bring.

Today has been a 'I want to run away for a day' day. I am feeling drained, tired and just not wanting to do anything. It was hard enough getting breakfast, washing, snacks, lunch and cleaning up done.

My thoughts wandered to my friends who have kids in school. Friends who have several hours a day 'free' to do whatever their hearts desire. Go to a movie, go to lunch with other friends, have a nanna nap, eat something without having half taken off you by children who throw back the 'We are good shares in our family aren't we Mummy' line. Friends who can clean the whole house in under an hour, and that includes mopping.

I hate this feeling. Deep down I know what we are doing is the best for the children right now. They tell me they like what we do, and don't do, and love their homeschool friends and the activities we all do together.

But, damn it days like this make it so hard. I don't want to do it right now, in this moment, or this day. It's too hard. I want a break. I don't want to be responsible.I don't want to be enthusiastic about another Lego creation, or Ben Ten accessory.

I don't know one homeschooling parent who doesn't have crap days, or moments. They don't hide it though. And why should they, why should we? We all need to be true to ourselves. Let these feelings happen. Show our children we are human and not every day runs smoothly.

It's times like this we reach out to each other. Share what we are feeling and talk with others who have been there, and will again, and who get it. Community is what is so important in times like this. Being able to share anxieties, problems, thoughts, feelings with others who know that we don't want to hear that the answer is sending the kids to school, but we do want to be validated and listened to. Have another say Yup, this sux right now, let it out, we are here for you.

Let me off, just for today.

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Birth for every single woman is close to changing, and not for the better

I have posted before my anger, frustration, sadness and disgust of the lobbying that has been going on from the AMA, RANZCOG and others opposed to supporting women's choices and what she feels is best for her body and baby.

Right now those feelings are even more intense. I can hardly think coherently.
So I am linking over to another blog, the passionate Sarah, who includes links about the latest goings on in regards to every woman in Australia, and future women, having basic rights removed simply because of the money and power craved by mostly men who feel they are above our rights.

I feel sick.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

Its Time....again

I haven't posted much lately. I have felt kind of weird for a couple of weeks.
When we got back from home ed camp I came down from the wonderful high.

Part of that reason was getting a letter from our son's surgery team. They have room/time for him to go in for another surgery in less than a month.
Just saying that out loud makes me sick to my stomach.

The last time he went in I was pregnant with our 2nd youngest. Our son was 17 months old.
Hub, myself and my belly babe, and our son went in to the hospital, early. Our other 3 children stayed with my parents.

To say it is difficult having your baby/child go through operations is an understatement. Emotions run wild, sometimes hard to control. You can go from positive, thinking yes, he'll be fine, to oh my god what if something happens, and crying your eyes out.

I want him to be able to do all the things other kids do. I want him to be able to run around, play sports and not over heat. I want him to not worry if his birthmark will get knocked and tear, as it is very thin skin. To go out in the sunshine and not have extra worry about melanoma.

I'd be lying if aesthetics did not play a small part.. There is a fine line between 'like most others' and different. This is another topic close to my heart when thinking about, talking about our son. I struggle with him looking how he did as a baby, how he looks now, and how he will look after these upcoming surgeries. At every stage he is my beautiful son. The struggling is because the change is so different, and it was our decision for him to be put through it.
But I just have to look at those big blue eyes. The are the same bright, sparkling eyes. When he smiles they light up, with a dash of cheekiness illuminating.

I do mean it when I say my children are beautiful to me no matter how they physically appear. My son is so beautiful on the inside that it radiates outwards.

But. There is the but. He DOES look different. His Nevus is still large on his head. It is very noticeable. Part of me wants it to be gone, so he doesn't have to be stared at, pointed at, asked questions. So he can go about his day inconspicuous.
To lead a life like others.

And then the dial turns and I see that really, we are all different. Some of us just more noticeable then others. Instead of asking why my son, I ask why not?
Why not him to have something that not many others do? Why not him to show others that beauty is not skin deep?
As I said earlier he is beautiful on the inside. He is energetic, very cheeky, so lovable and he likes to make my heart stop when climbing or jumping from anything and everything.

I truly do feel blessed that he joined our family. With us it is busy, crazy and sometimes chaotic. We keep on moving, together. Jump on and hang on.
He is growing up with no special treatment from his family. We go anywhere and everywhere, and do activities like everyone else. Keeping on with life has always been a focus for us, more so since he was born. We want him to know there is nothing he can't do. He has every chance like everyone. If he wants something he will make it happen.

And now with this letter arriving, familiar feelings and emotions have come rushing back. He is now 2 years older, more aware, bigger, stronger and much more vocal. He can tell us with words when he is hurting, upset, tired or wanting to just be with us.

I truly do not know how he will be this time, how he will cope. Same for hub and I.
For now I am thinking more about how he will look back on this as an adult. I know, I should focus on right now. But it's hard not to wonder if he will be understanding or angry, upset with us, his parents, about what we have put him through as a child.

We have talked about this at length, and agree we will be honest and tell him what we talked about, together, with the surgeons, with other Nevus families, and with our hearts.

We do what we feel is that we do what is best at the time, with the knowledge and support we have at that time. I hope he will see that, and know how much we have loved him, even from before he was born.

I know I have been 'hiding' in regards to pics of myself. So I will share a pic of myself and my beautiful boy on his first Christmas. The other children had fallen asleep, so Hub and I took some pics of our bubbly, happy bubba.

I will write again more as we get closer. His surgery is booked for the day after his 4th birthday.