Tuesday, 1 November 2011

A long time between drinks

The hours fly by so fast. The days and weeks too. Yet it also feels like time can drag by soooo slowly.
My head is still swirling with everything and more we have going on right now, but thankfully it is not overwhelming me or having me feel anxious.
I'm nudging 35 weeks now and flow between feeling zen about when the baby will choose her or his birthday, to just wanting it over and done with already.
This is normal for me, I have done it the last 5 pregnancies. I just try to remind myself baby knows the best day and labour goes so much better when it happens spontaneously.

I am feeling very heavy in the pelvis, especially since bubs dropped about a week ago. Yay I can breathe again, but ouch at the same time!

I am still asked if this is for certain the last baby. Even by people that know Hub had a vasectomy. Yes, it is! 100% it is. It has been 5 months since hub had it done, and I am more happy and content with the decision as time goes by.
I love and adore babies. They smell, the squishyness, holding them, their sweet breath. They really are lovely.
But I know my body and mind are ready for this last baby. I know what a strain my body has been through carrying such large bubs too.

I have also been told by others how they cannot fathom making such a decision. How it is so final. How it means no more, and they can't imagine doing it. This makes me laugh. As clearly, it means they are not ready. They do not want to close that chapter of their lives yet.
And of course that is ok. I was there once. Amazed at the women making final decisions about no babies. It means no more babies!!
And now it is my turn. My turn to feel 'done. For years I wondered, and was concerned too, if I would ever feel done. I would listen to Mums talk about how they just knew, and how they were excited for the next stage of no more babies.
I honestly did not get it. Of course I didn't get it. I wanted my window to stay open. I was not ready. It was not my time.

But now I am. And I laugh at how once I could never imagine being here.
I feel happy, liberated, excited and to be honest a bit sad too. Endings are always sad.
I am trying hard to enjoy the kicks and movements of this bellybabe. Knowing she or he is the last to grow inside my womb. The last baby, our little caboose!

The current little caboose continues to make me laugh, and brings so much joy to our family. I can't imagine, nor remember life without her.
I know I will feel the same when this wee baby joins us too.

Here is Miss 1 asleep in a funny place, as usual. All our children have been such great 'anywhere' sleepers. No matter where we are, if they feel tired they fall asleep. This was the last suitcase to unpack after a weekend away. She loves to help. By help I mean she will toss everything out of the case, clap her hands, smile and say 'All done!'
I must admit, if the older boys did this at nearly 2 I would more than likely crack it, sigh and tell them not to do that. Now, many years and babies later, I am more patient, but more than anything I see the funny side, and don't sweat the small stuff. I know how fast time goes by, how fast children grow. I choose to laugh. Life is much happier this way, for all of us.

House plans are still in the making, just going very slow as we save for what needs to be done next. It is a longer process doing it this way, but it means things are paid for with cash upfront and then we don't have to worry about it again.

The builder is currently doing the final touches on another straw bale home not far from us, and then will be able to have more time for us. It has worked out well and we are grateful to find people nearby who can help us build our home.

Til next time!