Friday, 29 April 2011

Things I know

(Playing along with Shae at Yay for Home!)

I have had a post ready for quite a while about my weightloss/getting fitness back after yet another baby. I like the idea of making it into a 'Things I Know"

The following is all about me. Please read it and see it as me only. I truly do not care (in a loving way) what other people look like, what size they are, what they eat, whether they exercise or not, whether they sleep upside down. Seriously, I am very much a live and let live person, who is happy when others are happy.

So here we go..............

Things I Know

~ I have lost approx 20kgs since birthing my last child over a year ago.

~ I have gained and lost between 20 and 30kg with each child. That is SIX children. Lots of stretching and weight moving on my body.

~ I have walked/run for as long as I can remember. I truly like to do it. Even just an hour a couple of times a week, to be on my own in the fresh air. My thoughts are my own and I have no one to think about but myself. This is both good for my physical health as well as my emotional/spiritual health. I can clear my head and feel good, helping me be a better Mummy when I get back home.

~ For over ten years I have gone to gym classes. They ebb and flow through time, depending on the weather, illness, pregnancy, just given birth ect
I feel the same as I do with walking/running. It is lovely to have an hour on my own, and with a class the added bonus of laughing and chatting with others and enjoying the time while I shake my butts.

~ I make the effort after every baby to improve my fitness again, and slowly increase my walking/exercise. It is usually a slow process, but those first 6 months are important for me to go slow, focus on baby and boobing and healing after birthing yet another baby the size of Danny De Vito.

~ Our last baby I put on more weight then any other pregnancy. Towards the end I was more tired than I ever have been in my life. It was soo hard to move and just get around. I did not take as good care of myself as I should and could have. This made things harder also after baby was born. I had no energy and getting our family rhythm did not happen for far too long.
I had trouble sleeping, despite baby sleeping through from day dot. I had difficulty breathing, especially at night time.
I struggled walking up our short but steep driveway. It was about 15 steps, it killed me every time. My knees hurt every time I walked.
One day I had pains in my chest and I had a panic attack that something would happen to me while 6 kids were with me in the store.

~ I nearly cried when we went to a new dentist and discovered their was a flight of stairs to get up to her. I felt tired just looking at them. When I got to the top I pretended to fix my daughters shoe lace so I could try and catch my breath.

~ I know that...This was not me being healthy. This was not me loving myself. This was me, having gone too far with my last pregnancy. Eating poorly and not taking care of myself.

~ I Knew that.....My whole life was now affected. I was sad and upset that I could not do the things I wanted to with my young family. I was sad that I could not play with my children when they asked me too as I knew I would get puffed out quickly and need to sit down.
I was not enjoying my life. My physical health was very poor and my emotional health was sad and grim and I was feeling depressed.

~ I knew.....This was not the life I wanted. I knew things needed to change. I knew that I had not treated myself nor my body very well this time.

~ Others told me to just accept my body how it was. That I should focus on just loving myself.
Uh really? Focus on loving that I can't breathe? Focus on loving that I can't walk up a flight of steps without stopping half way? Focus on loving that I feel physically unwell?

~ While I feel they meant well, and that they did mean that I was a wonderful person no matter my size, I knew they were missing the point. I just don't know if they were missing it on purpose or accident. I felt betrayed and let down. If people truly cared about me surely they would see how unwell I was and want to support me in getting better and healthier on the inside and outside.
It was for this reason that I only had one person(out of my female friends) to turn too. One person was honest with me and listened to me and said they would support me. I am very grateful for this.
Hub as always has supported me from day dot, no matter how sane or crazy I seemed.

~ I know that weightloss is NOT a dirty word. I feel some people can read far too much into it, and get far too engrossed on everything negative. I do understand this, as there is a lot of pushing and money to be made with weightloss and people can be drawn to unethical companies and practices.
I saw it for what it was. My body was struggling carrying this extra weight, and suffering from my poor diet. Solution, start eating well, moving my butts, and work on a healthier body that suits my shape.

~ I know that Breastfeeding for two and eating well is hungry work. Once I got in a rhythm with foods through the day I found it easy. I had done this 5 times before(yet not at this higher weigh obviously) and I knew I could get there. I wanted to get there.

~ I now know.....You do not have to exercise to lose weight. The first ten kgs I lost I was not intentionally exercising. I was merely eating very well, and eating often. Eating when I was actually hungry was a huge factor also. Having lots of healthy snacks on hand and meal planning.
This said a lot to me. I learnt that my body was not meant to be that size. Well I was if I didn't move and ate nothing but poor foods.

~ I know that I refuse to give up foods I love. I don't agree with some people and their advice to cut out all 'unhealthy' foods. Bugger that. Instead I just cut down the amount and frequency of eating certain foods. Sharing a block of chocolate with Hub every single night, well, I'm sure even chocoholics would agree that is not the best idea. Especially when you throw in some coke and lollies.
Moderation and being smart about foods.

~ I know that often I felt alone in this journey. Soo many people telling me that I looked fine how I was, that I should not submit to society's pressure of skinny, that I should just enjoy life and love how I am.
Gee, thanks for caring, and totally not only missing the point, but not knowing me well enough that I don't give a shit about skinny. I just wanted to feel good again, and get up a flight of stairs or play with my kids without collapsing.
Give me some credit.
I've had curves and a pot belly for as long as I can remember. There is footage of my at around 7 years old in my bathers sporting quite a cute belly.
This will never change. I love them and I always will. I want a healthy body that fits 'my body' not an ideal of what others think is right or what society deems as 'sexy, thin, whatever'. If you really know me, you know I think that is crap for all women. We all have our own shapes and sizes that fit us. These shapes change over time, and especially with having children.

~ Lastly, I know that losing weight and getting healthier and fitter was, and always is only about me. About me feeling good about myself. About me physically feeling well. I have only ever done this after each baby for me. Well to be totally honest I also do it for my children. For them to see me taking care of myself while still indulging and enjoying life. So they can see moderation, well being and not to mention enjoying a happier mother. Enjoying a happier and healthier mother for many years to come.

If you made it this far well done, and thank you for reading my drivel. I have more to say but I will leave it for another day.

Saturday, 23 April 2011


I remember taking this photo. You were such a chubbby bubby with soft skin and edible cheeks. Your eyes so blue, I've yet to see eyes like yours yet. So sparkly and bright.
You were such a happy baby. Relaxed, easy going, content to go anywhere and go with the flow of our life.
You taught us that every baby is different and personality is there from a very young age and it plays a big part in how we are.
I wish I could go back in time just to blow a raspberry on your gorgeous cheeks! I'd do it now but you'd rather I didn't.

Four years old holding a Koala. Not much changed from when you were a baby, well the talking and taking yourself to the toilet of course. But you were still a happy, content little boy. It was so rare to see you get upset or angry. You had , and still do have, a big heart and lovely nature.

Here you are with your new baby sister, the morning she was born. You are a wonderful big brother. So loving and kind. Always ready to give your younger siblings a cuddle or help them. Who knew the baby you are holding in this pic would grow to be your shadow. She adores you, and wow, you have sooo much patience for her. Sometimes more than I do!

She will want to play with you, or have you read her a book, and you laugh or sigh and say 'ok bubby.' She demands that you sit next to her wherever we drive, and it makes you laugh. You will giver a piggy back ride from the bus to the house and she loves it, of course she gets you to do it by saying her legs have stopped working, while smiling.

On your ninth birthday. (Scuse the filthy faces) You were so excited about your birthday. Just one more year until double digits!

You are the same shoe and head size as me now. I see you reaching my height by Christmas next year, which makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Laugh because I can see our roles reversing, and me passing things to you to put away in higher cupboards, and cry because time is going by way too fast and my baby is growing up. This could not be more true then when a few months ago you had a main sized meal at a restaurant. No more kid's meals for you! Even after you ate your meal you were asking your siblings if they were finished and if they were 'going to eat that' I am wondering if I am going to have to get paid work just for food!

One thing that can make me laugh and also want to bang my head against the wall is your sometimes very relaxed nature. You do things at your own pace, when you are good and ready. I imagine if the house is on fire we will be running around in a panic, while you casually make your way up the stairs with your hands in your pockets. This you do with any book work we do, sports, playing a game and even eating. For you there is no rush.

Take your time growing up. There is no rush.

Happy Birthday my bright eyed boy.

Friday, 1 April 2011

Random things I say

~ Shut the door (Obvious one right?) ~ If you don't like her biting you keep your fingers out of her mouth! (Seriously, I know right?) ~ We eat food in the kitchen people! ~ Please don't run on the couch ~ I already asked you to not run the couch ~ Stop running on the freakin couch! ~ Oh yes, jumping from the top bunk into a bean bag is sooo much better ~ Yes I LOVE your bionicle, it looks awesome! (Hmm, looks exactly like the last 50 you showed me, but dammit I will love them all ) ~ Lego! (Always followed by scampering feet trying to get to me before I get to the bin) ~ Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bionicles bite (For my 4 year old. It cracks him up every time, which makes me laugh) ~ TTB! (Anyone else grow up with this? Teeth, Toilet, Bed) ~ Sorry, remind me, who is the parent? ~ I really don't think Daddy would like you taking that apart just to see how it works inside (Toaster, Computer, mobile phone, dvd player. Take your pic) ~ Gee, you're not close enough to the TV hun (Said to all of them, except the baby, who is not interested in TV, for now) ~ Shhh I just put the baby to bed. ~ I have no idea how life would be if.............................. there were only women, we all had super powers, you ran the world, we all had bionicle robots, we lived under the sea, the sun exploded, (and my personal favourite) You were the only child we had (This is always asked when we are dishing out dessert or talking presents. ~ Club Penguin is the best I agree! ~ Yes, we do have the most adorable baby in the world. (We are not biased at all) ~ No, I love Ben Ten more! ~ Daddy's Home!