A few people have asked this in the last 20 hours since my last post. No, I don't want to be skinny. I have never been 'skinny' as it is not my body shape.
My weight has floated around the same weight, within 5 or so kgs since puberty right up to when I fell pregnant with my first child. My shape has always been curvy. As a teenager I would buy magazines such as Dolly, and later Cosmo and Cleo. I would obsess over the tall, thin, sun kissed models and long to look like that. I hated my thighs and my curves and my bigger breasts.
Even at my fittest and healthiest, playing competitive sport several times a week the curves and boobs remained. This was my body shape. I only wish I was stronger back then to accept them and love me how I was.
Through having babies my weight has certainly gone up and down a lot. Part and parcel really, and I have always been fine with it. As I said yesterday I would start to get moving again when bubs was around 5 months. The reason being the same as it is now, and was 2 months ago. I had no energy. This was not because of my weight, but because I was eating poorly and not exercising at all. Well I would walk to the letterbox and put a load of washing on the line, but that was it.
After our latest baby I have eaten the worst I ever have, and this was the cause of my lack in energy and overall could not be bothered ways. The kids would ask to go to the park or for a ride, swimming or for me to just play outside. I would make excuses not to do it. Hang on, just let me finish watching this show. Maybe tomorrow. Let's do it on the weekend with Daddy.
But it never happened.
I was sluggish, and at worst quite cranky with the kids, for being, well, kids.
The foods I was eating were high calorie, high sugar, low or no nutritional value and of course soo yummy to me. Foods that I didn't want the children to eat, yet I was.
I would even lie to hub about what I ate that day as I felt guilty about the money.
That was another big motivator, money. I was spending money on unhealthy food that while it made me feel good while I was eating it, I would feel ill soon after. What a waste of money I would think. But of course the next day I would be craving more.
When we were talking about our daily food intake Hub also confessed he too was eating lots of unhealthy food, and larger portions too.
Two months into cutting out a lot of unhealthy foods and we both are feeling so much more energetic. One of the kids will come with me on my walk each evening and it is wonderful to chat as we walk. I am able to talk and walk at the same time now as I am not puffed out like when I first started. I was also pleasantly surprised to nice the other day our bank balance. Despite buying lots of fresh and veggies(which aren't always to cheap), we are still with more at the end of the week than were a few months ago.
Our journey is towards eating better and modelling good habits and a healthy relationship with food for our children, and ourselves.
I love chocolate and don't want to cut it out of my food. Hub loves his cordial, so that is not cut out either. The difference now is we are not having the excessive amounts we used to. Moderation is a word I am learning more about. Eating smaller portions, and taking my time to eat.
So while I said yesterday that I didn't like the reflection in the shop window, it is much more than my physical appearance. The reflection showed me what no exercise and eating far too much crap was doing to my outer body.
I am not conforming to society and that thin is healthy. Because I don't believe that. I know people who are my size and will leave me for dead in a jog around my street. They just eat better and exercise.
I don't want to look like anyone else, that is unrealistic. My shape is unique to me. If I am comparing myself to anyone, it is to me. The me who eats nutritionally and gets some exercise every day. I am changing my lifestyle and food choices for myself, my future and for our family.
I'll do my best not to bore you with any more eating better and going on my walks posts from now on, there are so many more fun and interesting things to talk about :)
Like how if you happened to come past my house today you would have seen a naked toddler, half naked baby, a 4 year old dressed in her 8 year old brothers clothes practicing her karate chops and saying 'Hi-ya' way too much, and 2 brothers dressed in the Star Wars gear battling the dark forces of suburbia.