I have liked the band OKGO for years now. Hub sent me a message telling me he loves me with this link. I had forgotten about this song. I like it a lot. This too shall pass, but for the time being we will go through it together.
Thanks Hub, I love you.

I get it, but still don't like it

I get the stigma attached to depression. All the different kinds. They all still have the word depression in there.
Most people in society hear that word and have no idea what it truly means.
They may have visions of someone in a rocking chair, looking out the window with a Nanna's crocheted shawl wrapped around them. Rocking back and forth.
No thanks to TV and movies very little is understood or even accepted in society.

You might see me at one of the children's sports. Cheering them on. I will even be smiling and hug them after the game and tell them how well they played.
You may look at me and think, she looks normal.
Grr, that damn word normal. Who the fuck is normal anyway. Certainly no one I know. There is no such thing, in my opinion. Unless normal means 'human and alive.'

You may even bump past me walking down the street, and you say sorry. To which I will laugh and say 'no worries.'

Don't think there is a rule book with depression. Everyone who has it, is different. We are all here for different reasons, and we live different lives. We are all getting through in our own ways.

For me, I don't want to be treated in a special way. Just talk to me as you usually would. Show kindness, caring and respect as you usually do, and should to anyone.

Depression or not, we all have shit going on. Bills to pay, meals to make, things to worry about.
A bit of compassion goes a long way. Taking a big breath before opening your mouth goes a VERY long way!

For me I am taking one day at a time. I have a calendar with everything going on in our lives, but I am still looking at only what I have to do today. It certainly helps we are in school holidays at the moment, so we have a break from the kids activities for a couple of weeks.

The house plans still carry on. Despite everything going on with me, I know we need to keep things in motion. It's something to look forward to, along with waiting for our lucky last family member.

What word makes people go quiet?

And for most of them they will nod there head, say quietly "Uh ok" and then make up some excuse to leave the room, building, state.

Depression. Most people have NO idea how to deal with the word, let alone how to them talk to someone who is going through it.
Phrases that start with "You just need to...."
"All you need is....."
"A friend of mine had a cousin who had depression and he took up.......... and he snapped right out of it. Maybe you............."

I would like to believe the majority of people say the above out of ignorance, and just not getting it.
Why else would they say "You need to do x, y or z and then it will go away"

If you were to look up Antenatal depression you would not see a picture of me. There is very little information out there for antenatal, loads on postnatal though.
Antenatal is through pregnancy, postnatal is after giving birth.

Nearly everything I have read about antenatal depression does not ring true for me. I did find one article that mentioned feeling blank/numb a lot of the time. This is a tick for me.
It also mentioned feeling tired no matter what time of the day it was and regardless of how well you were eating or taking care of yourself. Another tick for me.
They did all mention feeling teary at times, but then again this is something that happens to most pregnant women at some point. It did not mention the amount of crying though. I assume once in a while would be natural, every day would not. I fell into the every now and then category.

I found in the articles I came across a big emphasis on the first time mother, and also 'surprise' pregnancies.
Clearly I am not a first timer, and I was and still am very excited about our planned baby. This could be why I waited even longer to see my GP. I love feeling the baby move, am very excited about our last family member joining us and am not concerned at all about coping, or how things will be.
I think this is where more information about antenatal depression needs to be put out there. So mothers who already have a child/ren can get information for them too.

I am a strong believer in trying natural remedies first when possible. If 3 months goes by and there is little improvement you know it's time to seek out more professional help.

Which is what I did. I am very fortunate to have a great GP whom I have been seeing my entire life. Apparently when I was 1 years old I was sick and having a tantrum, and he helped calm me down. We have a long history basically, and I trust him, and he knows me very well.
We talked about my past pregnancies, life in general, big things happening at the moment and of course the children. I explained how if anything I am getting through the days because of the children. I get out of bed because of them. They keep me going. They are also actually not a burden like some people say, and certainly not causing how I was feeling.
They really are great kids and a wonderful help.

We spoke about hormones in pregnancy, and how each pregnancy is different. The hormones are not exactly the same each time. Every pregnancy and baby is different, and we need to go by what is happening with this pregnancy. I had noticed how annoyed I felt this pregnancy, in a physical way. It's hard to describe, but sometimes I feel like I want out of my skin. I am just annoyed all over.
I told him how I feel the hormones have wreaked havoc this time.

He talked about how he knows how I feel about medications and that I do prefer to try naturally first. I told him all the things I had been doing over the months. I know I am lucky that he knows a lot about natural ways and agreed with what I was taking to try and help.

Then we moved on to medications. He explained to me the different types and how they work, and what is safe/not safe in pregnancy and breastfeeding.
He gave me a prescription to start the next morning, a low dose. Also to see him in 2 weeks again.

We then chatted about seeing someone to talk to told me about a few women he highly recommends for mothers. So we are in the process of getting to see one of them too.

He said that while he would rather I was not going through what I am, that he is very pleased I came to see him.

So now I am still taking my supplements, along with my prescription. I am glad I am able to keep taking the supplements, as I know how important they are for me to have.

And that is where I am at. A post I have found very hard to write, but feel important to get it down, and press publish before I chicken out!

I need to Pee

Yup, no such thing as TMI on this blog.

"Needing to go to the toilet is very common at the start of the first trimester and end of third trimester. You will more than likely have a break in between."

BULLSHIT!

Why do so many 'information and advice' articles and books say this? Ask 50 pregnant women and I guarantee those who had that nice break are in the minority.

Telling women this sets us up (ok me) to whinge and complain even more. This pregnancy I have not had a break AT ALL. All day at least every half hour, all night it stretches to every hour.
This is when I get that feeling. But do I go straight away? Of course not. I am a grown adult who still tries to ignore it, cause, you know, it might go away. Ha!

Empathy to all the Mummas out there who know what I am talking about.

Here's to the last trimester!

Absent, in a few ways

I haven't blogged much at all in the last 5 or so months. To be honest this pregnancy has been quite hard on me emotionally. I am very excited to be having another baby join us, and looking forward to everything that goes with it.
I feel the hormones this time are wreaking havoc inside my poor head.
The kids are great in the scheme of things. There is no one thing that is 'causing' my low feelings. I am also not low or down about anything much at all. I just feel down, in general.

This sucks. For me, Hub and our family. I would never choose to be feeling this way, I don't believe anyone would.
I have kept up with vitamins, making sure I get the nutrients I and bub need. It is bloody hard taking care of yourself with life and children needing you too.

I am not going through this because of 'all those children.' Those who think that do not understand the large family dynamics. The children are very good when I am pregnant, tired and needing extra help. The older children are wonderful with tidying up, folding clothes, vacuuming if need be etc.
Truth be told it would be much harder going through this without them. They are happy to read to the littlies or get them a drink.

I know I will get through this, and for the moment I am really just floating through the days. Doing what I can and trying to look after myself.

And no, I can't 'get over it' or 'just cheer up.' as some suggest. It doesn't work that way. If you think it does, you need to do some actual research and reading and maybe a lesson or two in compassion and empathy.

You might see me out and about with 'all those children' and think I have it together, am doing great, and wow even smiling and laughing. I do have good times and moments, amongst the numbness and wanting to just stay in bed all day and night.
Seeing me happy does not mean I am now better. It just means what it is, that I am happy in the moment.
You can't make yourself happy, or force happiness.

I have added a break from Facebook on my list of things to help. I had noticed a fair amount of negativity, sadness, anger and some things that were just depressing lately. I don't want to stop any of that completely from my life, as sometimes it is unavoidable, but by taking a break from Facebook I can cut some of it out.

My posts here will be sporadic at best for a bit longer.
I am ok but I am not ok. I am working on it in my own way and doing what I need for me.

I do appreciate thoughts being sent my way, cheers.

Things I have learned this week

~When you are building a house and call people in specific jobs, for example town planner, do not assume they actually know their job and can answer your basic questions. Lower your expectations from the beginning and expect to talk to a lot of people to find one simple answer.

~ Town Planning, generally suck. If you are lucky enough to find a person who can hold a conversation, speak fluently and coherently get down ALL their numbers and hold them around their legs and do not let go!

~ No matter how many times you think this time it will be different, it won't. What am I talking about here? Phone calls, when children are still within a 2km radius. No I am not exaggerating. I keep getting sucked in, damn it. Unfortunately we only have a phone attached to the wall at this house (how old fashioned?!). I keep meaning to add cordless phone to our shopping list. But really, I wonder if I keep forgetting because I remember back to when we had a cordless (before it was broken, sigh) and it really wasn't that much help. The kids would follow me, or hunt me out when I thought I was clever and had snuck away, or if I shut the door and held it closed with my foot they'd call out 'Mumma' in a sing song voice while kicking their feet against the door in rhythm.
Who knows what I will do!

~ I have a hatred so high for scary/horror movies, I am now convinced it will always be there, and I am ok with that. Hub and I watched a movie the other night, and while it was mild in regards to the horror genre it still had me sleepless all night after watching.
I told Hub no more. I'm done. Drama, Happy and Rom Com only for me, and kids movies too of course.

~ I will never get used to vomit. Ever. In the last week we have dealt with a lot of vomit. It's bad enough when I am not pregnant so you can imagine how much the stench affected me this bout of sickness. This time the second eldest woke me in the morning, telling me he had vomited in the toilet. I'd been up and down with his younger brother through the night so was a bit grumbly at being woken up for that. I told him no worries, just grab a bowl and hop on the couch and rest.
Soon after younger brother came in saying he wanted to use my toilet. I asked if someone was on the kids toilet. He said no, there is vomit in there.
So I got up and assumed he wanted me to flush it. Nup. There in FRONT of the toilet, on the floor, a huge vomit. Gah! Second eldest son obviously meant the toilet room.
Hub was at work. You know what this means. I was the only adult i the house. I had to clean it up. Damn. So I did. Sooking and whinging all the while.
Fingers crossed we are done with sickness for a while. All healthy and bright eyed again.
But I am sure some bug will find us within minutes of us having every sheet and piece of clothing washed, dried and put away.

~ I really, really, really want a laminator and a binder. They are up top on my homeschool supplies list. Seeing other home ed Mums show me how fun they are does not help the coveting.
I have heard they pop up now and then at Aldi. A couple of Mums have purchased them there and are very happy with their quality.
I remember when I was in school and we would type up our own stories and then bind them. It was so much fun, and I loved having my own 'Books.' I'm looking forward to doing the same with the kids.

Still Alive....

barely!
How slack am I?! 3 weeks and no posting. Let's blame the 6 kids and growing belly ok? Cool

At least the nausea has settled right down now. I am still a wee bit tired, but really, it's to be expected.
Some days I remember back to when I was pregnant with my first. Oh how I could just sleep, with no care in the world. As my 9 year old loves to say 'Those were the days!'

Time is flying by this pregnancy. Although it seemed to drag when in the throws of nausea, now that I am feeling better the days are zooming by. I'll be 'halfway' before I know it.

The kids are on holidays at the moment, although really most home ed kids we know are never 'on holidays.' They still want to play, learn and create, even in cold weather like now.
My 6 year old spent a few hours today at a friends house. They are both similar in that they love the outdoors, playing and having fun. The girls collected lemons, twigs, big leaves and such to make their own nature tea party.
They also cut out and decorated bookmarks and then laminated them. I am the proud owner of a new book mark, now I can replace the folded receipt I have in my book I am currently reading.

At the moment the kids are loving 'Horrible Histories' on ABC 3. I must admit, I am too. We have not had free to air TV for such a long time, and I and the kids missed ABC. So Hub fixed the aerial and set it up again. The little ones love shows like Dirt Girl World, Small Potatoes and of course Play School. The bigger kids love Horrible Histories, Behind the News, Mister Maker(little ones like this too) and of course Soupe Opera! We all love that one, the music is quite catchy.
So far so good with the TV. Some of them would sit their all day, and others are happy with their fave shows and that's it, so I do regulate for the couch potatoes. A bit on the morning, and then again when I am preparing and cooking tea.

We are all looking forward to starting Story of the World in a couple of weeks. Up until now I had just put together bits and pieces for history and geography. Some from my own collection as a primary teacher, some from friends, some from the net etc
I have looked at history curriculum now and again and recently started searching more thoroughly. What I love about all the curriculum out there for every subject you can think of, is that when it comes to Home Education, you can go as slow or fast as you want, you can stop for a while, or you can skip ahead, come back, do whatever you like really. I love having that freedom.

It frustrates me when people will talk about curriculum and how if you use it than you are school at home 'types'. This is not true and just shows their ignorance, and lack of understanding, or lack of wanting to understand. Curriculum for me is like anything. You use it how you want, when you want, in a way that suits the individual child.
In a school setting the goal posts are very narrow. 25 odd children all being told the same thing at the same time, with worksheets and projects all done at the same pace. Yes they can source more info out of school, but the premise is at school. Everyone doing the same thing.

This is another reason I don't do labels. No matter what type you call yourself, the end result is that your child is doing what suits and fits them. This can be similar with siblings, or can be the complete opposite. I have 4 children all learning in different ways, with different interests, needs and wants. Some things cross over and are able to used for more than one child. Math-U-See for example has clicked for two of the kids, with another being more at home with my thrown together maths. One child loves a Grammar curriculum, the other doesn't.

While on the topic of labels, another misconception is that there is 'School at home' and 'Uncshooling.' This could not be further from the truth. Many years ago in America homeschoolers were mostly religious. The few who were not wanted to distinguish themselves away from the term homeschooler, as society assumed they were religious families doing school at home. As most religious homeschoolers followed a set curriculum and would do 'school at home.'
Hence John Holt's term Unschooling was used to distinguish the difference between school at home with set curriculum with a more rigorous and strict approach at teaching children and the more relaxed approach that other families were doing which was following the child and family interests with no set curriculum.
He uses the term to mean schooling that does not look like school. Since then it has been changed, adapted and moved around to mean many different things in America and the rest of the world.
(I have several close friends in America who have explained what I have just said clearly in regards to the evolvement of home education from the 1970s til now and am confident in retelling their experiences and knowledge)
I do not have any problem with anyone using whatever label they like, if it suits them and their family go for it. I only have problems when that label becomes restrictive and people stress about doing exactly what the label says. For example I know unschoolers who use some curriculum. I also know unschoolers who would say that if they use a curriculum for all subjects, or even one subject, then they are not unschoolers. One very popular 'unschooler' in America has even said to people whether she thinks they qualify as unschoolers or not.
This is when I see problems. Fitting into the label. It can be freeing for some, but also restrictive too. It is the very reason that if I am pressed to answer what 'label' we are, I say that we are Eclectic. Bits on bobs from here, there and everywhere. I feel freedom in the term eclectic as it truly is anything and everything, whatever suits.

There are not two types of out school 'learning.' There are hundreds. Every family is different, and it frustrates me when I hear and see people break down Home education into these two 'definitions'
At the end of the day, Home Education is Freedom. Freedom for each child to follow, learn and educate the way that suits them best. Whether that means using a box curriculum, some curriculum, no curriculum, Charlotte Mason, only Natural Leaning, some natural learning, religious based learning, Steiner, Montessori, De Bono, Frobel, travelling on the road leaning, in a cabin in the woods learning.
It is Freedom to go as fast as the child wants, freedom to start and stop when you need, freedom to change as you want or need, freedom to use whatever tools you like.

Ok off the soapbox, that stretched longer than I thought! I have a lot floating in my head, about so much. It can feel overwhelming as to where to even start.

I will post when we start Story of the World and then post maybe ever week or so about how it is going. It would be nice to have a bit of a record online about the progress.

Schooling/learning has changed a lot here in the last few months, as the older boys head into what society calls 'Highschool' education.' This is both exciting and scary! They are showing stronger interests in one or two areas and wanting to delve more into them. I have recently learnt about a program that is offered in our state for homeschoolers in high school level. They pick what subjects they want, and only go to the school for them. The rest of the week they pursue these areas more and also can follow other interests too. They meet with mentors once a month and talk about what they are doing, how they are going etc It is all lead by the student and they can change as they need/want. I am keen to learn more about this program. So far speaking to a parent and her daughter who is in the program has certainly made me interested to learn more. The young woman in the program said she is loving it, being able to learn more about the subjects she wants and having the freedom the program offers.
It is great learning more about what is out there for the higher levels of education and learning.

What a post! Hope you made it.