Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Absent, in a few ways

I haven't blogged much at all in the last 5 or so months. To be honest this pregnancy has been quite hard on me emotionally. I am very excited to be having another baby join us, and looking forward to everything that goes with it.
I feel the hormones this time are wreaking havoc inside my poor head.
The kids are great in the scheme of things. There is no one thing that is 'causing' my low feelings. I am also not low or down about anything much at all. I just feel down, in general.

This sucks. For me, Hub and our family. I would never choose to be feeling this way, I don't believe anyone would.
I have kept up with vitamins, making sure I get the nutrients I and bub need. It is bloody hard taking care of yourself with life and children needing you too.

I am not going through this because of 'all those children.' Those who think that do not understand the large family dynamics. The children are very good when I am pregnant, tired and needing extra help. The older children are wonderful with tidying up, folding clothes, vacuuming if need be etc.
Truth be told it would be much harder going through this without them. They are happy to read to the littlies or get them a drink.

I know I will get through this, and for the moment I am really just floating through the days. Doing what I can and trying to look after myself.

And no, I can't 'get over it' or 'just cheer up.' as some suggest. It doesn't work that way. If you think it does, you need to do some actual research and reading and maybe a lesson or two in compassion and empathy.

You might see me out and about with 'all those children' and think I have it together, am doing great, and wow even smiling and laughing. I do have good times and moments, amongst the numbness and wanting to just stay in bed all day and night.
Seeing me happy does not mean I am now better. It just means what it is, that I am happy in the moment.
You can't make yourself happy, or force happiness.

I have added a break from Facebook on my list of things to help. I had noticed a fair amount of negativity, sadness, anger and some things that were just depressing lately. I don't want to stop any of that completely from my life, as sometimes it is unavoidable, but by taking a break from Facebook I can cut some of it out.

My posts here will be sporadic at best for a bit longer.
I am ok but I am not ok. I am working on it in my own way and doing what I need for me.

I do appreciate thoughts being sent my way, cheers.

No comments: