Wednesday, 28 September 2011

I get it, but still don't like it

I get the stigma attached to depression. All the different kinds. They all still have the word depression in there.
Most people in society hear that word and have no idea what it truly means.
They may have visions of someone in a rocking chair, looking out the window with a Nanna's crocheted shawl wrapped around them. Rocking back and forth.
No thanks to TV and movies very little is understood or even accepted in society.

You might see me at one of the children's sports. Cheering them on. I will even be smiling and hug them after the game and tell them how well they played.
You may look at me and think, she looks normal.
Grr, that damn word normal. Who the fuck is normal anyway. Certainly no one I know. There is no such thing, in my opinion. Unless normal means 'human and alive.'

You may even bump past me walking down the street, and you say sorry. To which I will laugh and say 'no worries.'

Don't think there is a rule book with depression. Everyone who has it, is different. We are all here for different reasons, and we live different lives. We are all getting through in our own ways.

For me, I don't want to be treated in a special way. Just talk to me as you usually would. Show kindness, caring and respect as you usually do, and should to anyone.

Depression or not, we all have shit going on. Bills to pay, meals to make, things to worry about.
A bit of compassion goes a long way. Taking a big breath before opening your mouth goes a VERY long way!

For me I am taking one day at a time. I have a calendar with everything going on in our lives, but I am still looking at only what I have to do today. It certainly helps we are in school holidays at the moment, so we have a break from the kids activities for a couple of weeks.

The house plans still carry on. Despite everything going on with me, I know we need to keep things in motion. It's something to look forward to, along with waiting for our lucky last family member.

5 comments:

SaraMG said...

"Just talk to me as you usually would. Show kindness, caring and respect as you usually do, and should to anyone." Maybe that's the issue, some people are so clueless about humanity that they don't even know how to be normally kind to others.

Clare said...

I think you are quite right there Sara.
I didn't add to the post, but your comment reminded me I should have mentioned the people in my life who ARE wonderful, have always treated me with love and compassion and are there for me when I need. I am very grateful that there are people in the world, in my life who get humanity and know how to be kind.

Thank you for commenting.

JessiT said...

I have only just come across your blog and I am so thankful that I did. I am currently pregnant with my 5th child and believe I have ante-natal depression just as I did with my first and third. Like you say it is a very hard topic to talk about or even admit to oneself. You are lucky to have a Dr that understands or at least tries to. I'm just told it's hormones and will pass. Well thanks for the reassurance, but that doesn't take away the feelings or lack therof that I have now.
I have become very good at hiding my emotions/feelings and appear to those around me as the 'Mumma that can handle anything and everything'. On the outside I may appear strong, bold, determined and courageous but inside I am weak and floundering. Not living, just existing. Surviving for the happiness of my children.
Thankyou for putting this topic and the stigma attached to it out there for more to see. JessiT

Clare said...

Hi Jessi T,
Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy, 5th babies are just lovely.
Sorry to hear what you are going through, and that you are not being validated as you should be. Us mothers need and should be given more credit for knowing how our bodies work, and knowing when something is not quite right.
I implore you to keep trying, reach out and get the help, get the validation. Are you in Australia? We have an organisation called PANDA. They are wonderful, and a great source of information, advice and a stepping stone to further in real life help.

"I have become very good at hiding my emotions/feelings and appear to those around me as the 'Mumma that can handle anything and everything'. On the outside I may appear strong, bold, determined and courageous but inside I am weak and floundering. Not living, just existing. Surviving for the happiness of my children."

What you have written here, I could have written word for word. In particular about how you appear on the putside, compared to how you are feeling on the inside.
This was one of the key factors that persisted and seemed to get louder until I said enough already, ok, I know!

I wish you all the best in your pregnancy and hope you are able to get support and help. Please feel free to email me, I am more than happy to chat and listen.
Take care.

Hellena Post said...

Aww, you're both just gorgeous, and though I keep wanting to tell myself that I'm just a bit grumpy, I suspect I have more in common with both of you than I think:) Thanks so much for bringing this up!