Thursday, 2 December 2010

Fat, Husky, Big, Obese, Cuddly, Just More of Me to Love?

So, if you don't know already, I am a lot of the time lazy, and a big procrastinator. I do get motivated to do things that I love and am passionate about.
Mostly I like to do the least amount of work but still deliver a great result. Take the washing for example. I put it all on the line in groups of what goes to what room. So Me, Hub and Bub together, all boys together, and girls together. When it is all dry I fold them and put them in the basket. Then walk inside and it all gets put away. Easy peasy. Least effort, great result!

But back to the topic. Weight is a very popular issue, and has been for a very long time. I assume it will be for the future also.
It seems that no matter what your size, there is always someone there to critique it. It's like being pregnant. I remember with my third child. I was out shopping and had 3 people comment on my size. One said I looked small for 5 months. One said I was huge, and was I sure there wasn't twins, and the other, bless her said wow you look great!

So, like anything, it is all in the eye of the beholder. But what really matters is the person themselves. How they feel about themselves.

There is much debate about our size. Some people say we should focus on being healthy at ever size, some say we should all accept fat, some say we should all have 8 glasses of water a day and exercise for 30 minutes for times a week, some say we should 'think' our fat away, and throw in a shit load more opinions.

Basically, and this it meant to disrespect others, I say it without harshness or rudeness, but I honestly do not give a shit about other people and what size they are. I have enough on my plate to worry about and organise without adding other people and something as petty as their size, into the mix.

I also, am now at a point in my life were the person on the inside is what I care about. 50kgs or 100kgs, I don't care, so long as you are respectful to me, we are sweet. I really mean that.
Once upon a time I was very rude, harsh and judgemental about other people and their body size. I was also quite thing, fit and had not had any children and only myself to worry about.

Since then I have been pregnant 7 times, gained and lost and gained and lost a shit load of weight. My body has changed after every babe. I have also more importantly, learnt a lot of empathy, compassion, understanding, and getting to know people well and all the fantastic things they do and have to offer the world.
Part of learning this was having others judge me when being pregnant, and just after having a baby. True friends could care less about my size, they knew me well and loved me for who I was.
Those who treated me otherwise, well, who knows where they are now!

I do care about size though, when it starts to affect me physically. When my weight is very low or very high my body reacts in the same ways. I can't sleep at night, despite being desperately tired, I am sluggish, I am cranky and snappy too easily, I can hardly walk up 15 stairs, huffing by the time I am at the top, my eyes look dull and my skin looks grey, I also have an overwhelming 'Can't be stuffed' attitude about most things.

Now, it is not size alone that contributes to this. What I eat, or don't eat plays a big part. The connection is pretty easy to make. I don't eat much at all, and when I do it it highly processed, with no nutrition and I everything mentioned above, happens along with a plummeting weight.
On the other hand, when I eat a lot, and a lot of processed, no nutritional foods the weight goes up and up and yup, all those physical changes happen, leaving me feeling miserable.

I know, for my body, if my weight is at either extreme, I start to suffer physically. And I don't care what anyone says about size, this is not good.
My weight only ever goes to either extreme when I am eating shit food, basically, and not moving in the day, at all. And yes, I do categorise foods.
Some people out there so we shouldn't do it. They say we should eat whatever we want when we want.
Well I have done that, several times in my life, and look where I end up every single time?

I love hot and greasy foods, I love chips and chocolate and cola, I love crackers and dip, I love sweets and lollies. iI I eat nothing but this and I start piling on the kilos it ends up the same. Tired, cranky, breathless walking the house to the letterbox, surely everyone would agree this is not good for my body.

What I am doing is eating better. I am choosing to eat more whole foods, and vegetables. I am choosing to add more variety into my meals and yes, I will use the word, I am choosing 'healthier' foods.

Never fear though, I am still enjoying all those foods I love. Just not every day, and not a lot.
I want my children, especially my daughters to see me eating well, and that includes having chocolate, hot chips or coke now and then.

For several months now I have been eating this way, healthier, but not cutting 'bad foods' out. Healthy includes foods we love.
I am sleeping better at night, I am getting up earlier and actually getting out of bed, not laying there wanting to stay in bed all day, I can walk up the stairs in my house and am not puffing before reaching the top, my mood is better and my skin and eyes look better.
What also helps is moving during the day, getting jobs done, walking with the kids. They LOVE going for walks, and being out with their parents.
When I am not well I can't do this. Yet another factor, a very important one, that pushes me to live my life better.

As I said earlier, this size/weight/health/whatever, is about me, about how my size and eating has affected my quality of life. When I was anorexic I was told I looked great. When I am morbidly obese I was told to accept my fat and that I looked great.
Thankfully I am now at a point where I know what makes me look great is not my size or shape, but how I physically feel and how much I am able to enjoy my life. When I feel great on the inside it shows on the outside, no matter my size.

2 comments:

Nat said...

I think you're great. 'Nuff said. :)

apwool said...

I think I am going to have to blog about body stuff too, everybody else in blog land seems to be putting their bit in so I may as well LOL.

I struggle a lot with fat acceptance, and its NOT that I don't accept fat people, of course I do, its ridiculous to think of ANYONE as less of a person, but I DO struggle with how other people interpret fat acceptance and use it to push views on other people, which just results in it being yet another way of telling others, especially women, what they need/should/have to do with their bodies.