I have put off talking about our son. Not because I am ashamed, embarrassed, or anything really. Mostly because it brings of so many memories, feelings of sadness, happiness, joy, pain, anger, confusion, helplessness and also strength.
We moved interstate when I was 5 months pregnant with our 4th child. We love being busy and cramming lots into life, so when Hub's work said they would pay for us to move there we said why not? Let's do it. It was a great opportunity and did I mention they were paying?
Up until then I assumed I would have our baby in the Birth Centre where out 3rd baby was born. My journey from my first baby to our 3rd was hard, long, painful but also gave me strength and determination. I learnt more each birth, and grew stronger with what I wanted and needed, rather than what made it easier on the staff.
This time I knew exactly what I wanted and needed. Basically it was stay the hell out of my way, don't talk to me, don't touch me.
So after we moved I spoke with the Birth Centre there. There waiting list was about 8 months long. Ironic.
They told me my only choice was to be with a Birth Centre midwife on the ward. Straight away I felt uneasy. There was no way I could go into my labour state of mind in a sterile, cold, bright room with a midwife I'd never met, who only knew what was written about me on a piece of paper.
Several situations pointed us towards homebirthing. I met with other homebirth mums, doulas and midwives. They all answered many, many questions from myself and Hub.
We spoke at length with one support person in particular and she said she would be happy to be at our birth if we felt she was right.
After she left our apartment we looked at each other and smiled. She was it. Homebirth here we come.
Hub and I did a lot of research over the next few months. One book in particular called Emergency Childbirth, which was surprisingly very thin. While we had a support person, we wanted to know as much as we could about all emergency situations that can happen, to be prepared.
This is something I strongly believe everyone should do, regardless of where they chose to birth.
By 38 weeks I was having a daily nap and slowing down. As slow as one can go with 3 young children.
One night Hub was not well. A bug had so nicely been shared amongst school friends and our home. He rested while I cooked an easy tea.
We got the kids all in bed and then sat down on the couch to watch TV. As I sat down I heard and felt a pop. I tensed and ran to the toilet.
Yup, this was it. I called out to Hub "Are you ready to be a daddy again" He came in and smiled, and said "Ya know just as you sat down on the couch I was about to breathe in and say I was heading to bed"
"Guess the baby has other plans!"
There was a calmness in the house. It was quiet, and dark. I liked it. By the time our support came I was swaying beside the couch. Soft music was put on and aromatherapy which let out a very soft light.
It was so much easy to be in labourland in my own house. I was very relaxed and could truly let go, knowing I was not going to be stopped, talked to, interrupted.
We had everything we needed ready. Which isn't much, some old towels, warm blankets, and a owl for the placenta. Easy.
Our eldest son woke as I was pushing. Hub caught our slimy baby and passed him through to me. I sat and looked at him. I still remember noticing his face and head. The birthmark. But I was not worried or concerned. I still think of that moment often when I look at him. As a new baby, his birthmark seemed so large on his head and face. But I knew he, as a baby, was ok.
We snuggled up together and our new baby, who still had no name, looked at us. Those newborn dark eyes.
He had ten little fingers, and ten little toes. He was, in every way, a normal newborn. With a little something special. Our eldest sun ran down and woke up his brother and sister. Then there we were, our little family, surrounding our new baby and saying hello.
We chatted to our support person about what to do now. She said he looks great in every way. Apgars of 9 and 10 after birth, feeding and latching like a champ. She left it with us to call and let the hospital know in the morning. As bubs was born just after midnight.
The following morning my mum arrived. We had called her when bubs was born and she booked a flight for first thing.
Hub called the hospital to let them know about our new babe. We decided to go in after school pick up, so the kids were all home with mum.
I will leave it there for now. Part Two to come.
This is the biggest brother and his first cuddle with his new baby brother. The children were smitten with him from the first time they saw him, and this feeling continues.
This pic he is about a week old. He had just had a feed and was zonked out on Mummy. No matter what was going through our hearts and heads at the time, he showed us we had to go on. Just like your typical baby he needing feeding, changing and lots of snuggles.