Friday, 13 July 2012

18 years in the making.

As I get older, I get more comfy with me and just how important people are in my life who really care and still want to be part of my life. Those who mind don't matter, and all that. It is true. People who matter, don't mind. They embrace and love you just as you are.

Hub is certainly one of them. To read about all that we both like and are passionate about, some would just not be able to figure out how the heck we could still be together after 18 years. We just click. It is really the only explanation I can give. I often hear about couples who have been together forever, and they always get asked How did you make it together. Mostly the reply is hard work, with some saying, don't go to bed angry, as well as we always had our own hobbies, and on and on.
While I do agree that they all do make a difference, I also feel that for some of it, it's is just how things work out as you get older. We are so different now to 5, 10, 18 years ago, but we still have something there. I can't explain it as well as I can feel it. I love how we work. I love how so often we can just look at the other person, start saying a sentence, and before we have finished the other person knows exactly what we are going to say, and what we mean.

We have also come to a point in our relationship that we have ironed out a lot of crap and stuff that just does not matter. We have been through much more than most couples ever endure in there whole lifetime together, and a lot of that was in the first 10 years.
Something kept pulling us back, and we'd get through.
We have learnt what we need as a couple, and also as individuals.
There is nothing more I want to hear about than motor bikes, and nothing more Hub wants to hear about than pregnancies, birth, breastfeeding, babies and where that all is politically and amongst mothers I am supporting. (Yes, sarcasm there)
But what I know we do like, is that we both have things that while they might not be overally important to us, our partner has such passion for them.

As we added each baby to our family, I feel we grew closer also. It would seem we grew closer due to the way others saw us. from baby number four onwards, each time it was "Oh wow, are you crazy?! Don't you have a TV?! Haven't you been fixed yet?!"  Hmm yes charming.
But we would just smile at each other, smile at the children and know that we were in this together.
It's always nice to be crazy with someone else.

This is one area that I feel strongly about. Having 'all those children' is not always songs and strolls through the mountains. It can be bloody hard work. And what makes work easier is when the team work together. This is how I feel about Hub and I. We were reminded recently about how many others see us. They tell us that we make it look easy. And when I thought about it more, that is how organised chaos is meant to look. The people in the background running around, doing this and that, coming together to quickly chat about what's happening, what needs doing, what are you doing, etc

But, in a nutshell, no, It is NOT easy. It is hard work. It is sacrifice, and then more sacrifice on top. Doing more than the other person at times, and doing jobs you'd rather not do. It is going without so something else can happen. Working out ways to make money and meals stretch. Doing the budget despite hating it. Doing whatever needs doing regardless of whether you have a penis or vagina.

I know there are families who would never run their house how we do. I know men who would never change a nappy, do washing or cook a meal. I know women who would never chop and stack wood before getting the fire on, or fix the toilet or maintain the car.
And that is ok. We are all different. Our families are all different and need different things.
Our family needs parents who can jump in whenever something needs doing, regardless of what it is. I like how we work, and how it makes us stronger together and as individuals.

For me the added bonus is our children seeing their parents do jobs around the house with no gender stereotyping. They have sat with their Dad and made bracelets and necklaces, as well as moved a couple of tonnes of wood with me while chatting about legos, of course!

We have a lot of fun and happiness amongst the crazy too, or else there wouldn't be 7 munchkins.
We are crazy, fun, weird, eclectic, head turning and most of all, happy.

For whatever reason, through it all, something inside has kept us together. I have no clue how it works for others. I have no clue why other couples separate or stay together.
I only know for us, there is a chemistry there that has been constant. A skip of our hearts for each other.
I have often said that no one else would get us, or be crazy with us. We are quite a pair, and I am so glad we found each other.


Catherine said...

Happy 18th anniversary!

What a lovely tribute to your hubby you've written here. Having a family IS hard work, but it certainly helps with constant support right there by your side. :)

We'll be celebrating our 18th on Father's Day. It's amazing knowing that we've known each other for over 1/2 of our lives!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you commented on my blog, cos the email notification reminded me to come back and comment on yours ;)

We've just hit 12 years together and I think it's only now that I can absolutely relate to the ironing shit out.
Youse do make it look easy :) I envy that, lol, but hey, I get told I have the patience of a saint with my lot LMAO, so I know that things aren't always as it seems on the surface.
By which I mean that I get that it isn't all that easy..
And the sacrificing, oh boy, I get that sooooo much too, it's a sore point at the mo with a young baby still.. Juggling her needs with mine, I'm losing and there's a fine line that we toe before I lose my head. YKWIM :)


Congrats again on 18yrs, youse are amazing and I feel so blessed to know you both and have youse in my life :)
And I'm REALLY freakin excited to see youse soon!!!! (And have you giggle at the size of my baby compared to yours)

Sazz said...

*teary* that was so lovely :) I'm so happy that you two have each other, you're an inspiration to the rest of us IMHO. Happy anniversary to you both

Daddyo said...

Oh what a sweet way to say I can have a second ducati ;)

Love you lots