Friday, 29 April 2011

Things I know

(Playing along with Shae at Yay for Home!)

I have had a post ready for quite a while about my weightloss/getting fitness back after yet another baby. I like the idea of making it into a 'Things I Know"

The following is all about me. Please read it and see it as me only. I truly do not care (in a loving way) what other people look like, what size they are, what they eat, whether they exercise or not, whether they sleep upside down. Seriously, I am very much a live and let live person, who is happy when others are happy.

So here we go..............

Things I Know

~ I have lost approx 20kgs since birthing my last child over a year ago.

~ I have gained and lost between 20 and 30kg with each child. That is SIX children. Lots of stretching and weight moving on my body.

~ I have walked/run for as long as I can remember. I truly like to do it. Even just an hour a couple of times a week, to be on my own in the fresh air. My thoughts are my own and I have no one to think about but myself. This is both good for my physical health as well as my emotional/spiritual health. I can clear my head and feel good, helping me be a better Mummy when I get back home.

~ For over ten years I have gone to gym classes. They ebb and flow through time, depending on the weather, illness, pregnancy, just given birth ect
I feel the same as I do with walking/running. It is lovely to have an hour on my own, and with a class the added bonus of laughing and chatting with others and enjoying the time while I shake my butts.

~ I make the effort after every baby to improve my fitness again, and slowly increase my walking/exercise. It is usually a slow process, but those first 6 months are important for me to go slow, focus on baby and boobing and healing after birthing yet another baby the size of Danny De Vito.

~ Our last baby I put on more weight then any other pregnancy. Towards the end I was more tired than I ever have been in my life. It was soo hard to move and just get around. I did not take as good care of myself as I should and could have. This made things harder also after baby was born. I had no energy and getting our family rhythm did not happen for far too long.
I had trouble sleeping, despite baby sleeping through from day dot. I had difficulty breathing, especially at night time.
I struggled walking up our short but steep driveway. It was about 15 steps, it killed me every time. My knees hurt every time I walked.
One day I had pains in my chest and I had a panic attack that something would happen to me while 6 kids were with me in the store.

~ I nearly cried when we went to a new dentist and discovered their was a flight of stairs to get up to her. I felt tired just looking at them. When I got to the top I pretended to fix my daughters shoe lace so I could try and catch my breath.

~ I know that...This was not me being healthy. This was not me loving myself. This was me, having gone too far with my last pregnancy. Eating poorly and not taking care of myself.

~ I Knew that.....My whole life was now affected. I was sad and upset that I could not do the things I wanted to with my young family. I was sad that I could not play with my children when they asked me too as I knew I would get puffed out quickly and need to sit down.
I was not enjoying my life. My physical health was very poor and my emotional health was sad and grim and I was feeling depressed.

~ I knew.....This was not the life I wanted. I knew things needed to change. I knew that I had not treated myself nor my body very well this time.

~ Others told me to just accept my body how it was. That I should focus on just loving myself.
Uh really? Focus on loving that I can't breathe? Focus on loving that I can't walk up a flight of steps without stopping half way? Focus on loving that I feel physically unwell?

~ While I feel they meant well, and that they did mean that I was a wonderful person no matter my size, I knew they were missing the point. I just don't know if they were missing it on purpose or accident. I felt betrayed and let down. If people truly cared about me surely they would see how unwell I was and want to support me in getting better and healthier on the inside and outside.
It was for this reason that I only had one person(out of my female friends) to turn too. One person was honest with me and listened to me and said they would support me. I am very grateful for this.
Hub as always has supported me from day dot, no matter how sane or crazy I seemed.

~ I know that weightloss is NOT a dirty word. I feel some people can read far too much into it, and get far too engrossed on everything negative. I do understand this, as there is a lot of pushing and money to be made with weightloss and people can be drawn to unethical companies and practices.
I saw it for what it was. My body was struggling carrying this extra weight, and suffering from my poor diet. Solution, start eating well, moving my butts, and work on a healthier body that suits my shape.

~ I know that Breastfeeding for two and eating well is hungry work. Once I got in a rhythm with foods through the day I found it easy. I had done this 5 times before(yet not at this higher weigh obviously) and I knew I could get there. I wanted to get there.

~ I now know.....You do not have to exercise to lose weight. The first ten kgs I lost I was not intentionally exercising. I was merely eating very well, and eating often. Eating when I was actually hungry was a huge factor also. Having lots of healthy snacks on hand and meal planning.
This said a lot to me. I learnt that my body was not meant to be that size. Well I was if I didn't move and ate nothing but poor foods.

~ I know that I refuse to give up foods I love. I don't agree with some people and their advice to cut out all 'unhealthy' foods. Bugger that. Instead I just cut down the amount and frequency of eating certain foods. Sharing a block of chocolate with Hub every single night, well, I'm sure even chocoholics would agree that is not the best idea. Especially when you throw in some coke and lollies.
Moderation and being smart about foods.

~ I know that often I felt alone in this journey. Soo many people telling me that I looked fine how I was, that I should not submit to society's pressure of skinny, that I should just enjoy life and love how I am.
Gee, thanks for caring, and totally not only missing the point, but not knowing me well enough that I don't give a shit about skinny. I just wanted to feel good again, and get up a flight of stairs or play with my kids without collapsing.
Give me some credit.
I've had curves and a pot belly for as long as I can remember. There is footage of my at around 7 years old in my bathers sporting quite a cute belly.
This will never change. I love them and I always will. I want a healthy body that fits 'my body' not an ideal of what others think is right or what society deems as 'sexy, thin, whatever'. If you really know me, you know I think that is crap for all women. We all have our own shapes and sizes that fit us. These shapes change over time, and especially with having children.

~ Lastly, I know that losing weight and getting healthier and fitter was, and always is only about me. About me feeling good about myself. About me physically feeling well. I have only ever done this after each baby for me. Well to be totally honest I also do it for my children. For them to see me taking care of myself while still indulging and enjoying life. So they can see moderation, well being and not to mention enjoying a happier mother. Enjoying a happier and healthier mother for many years to come.

If you made it this far well done, and thank you for reading my drivel. I have more to say but I will leave it for another day.

8 comments:

Ana Star said...

Good on you. I have chosen this week to put myself first for once also.
I want to shift 10 kilos that I know I don't need. I am in awe of your 20!

apwool said...

Please remember that although it feels soooo incredibly and bitterly isolating to be going through something and feeling unable to share it and talk about it for fear of copping flack or judgement from so-called friends, you're really not, because I'm always here! :)

The thing I value and cherish the most about our wifely ways is the unconditional love that we have going on, that we are able to talk about anything and everything and NOTHING is forbidden or taboo.

Having someone to talk to who isn't going to make assumptions or cast judgements about how I live my life, what I choose to do with my body, how I parent and educate my children, it's the best thing ever!

You're awesome :) xox

katepickle said...

It sounds like you are doing a great job of knowing yourself and what your body needs...

I so crave that hour's time and space to exercise.... sadly in my life it is not available right now, but one day.

Clare said...

Thanks Ana Star. It is so hard to put us Mums first eh. There is so much else to do and others to tend to, that by the time it comes to us we can sometimes have no energy left.
Go you for putting yourself first, it will feel great :)

Thank you apwool, that means a lot to me. I am so grateful for the support and encouragement you have given. And that you know and take for what it is, a mum getting back in a healthy state and shape after having a baby.
You too are awsome, hardcore ;)

Thanks Kate, I feel pretty in tune with how things are going again. It always take adjustments but it feels great getting the rhythm.
I totally understand about craving the hour alone. Since moving Hub is now gone an extra 2 hours a day and it sucks. So it's taken longer to be able to get a place where I can get that hour.
Hope things fall into place for you soon to have some time to yourself.

Daddyo said...

Um.....

You forgot how much better the sex is now

Oh wait, its always great, just slightly more gymnastic now.

Nat said...

Another great post from a great woman! :) I love coming here to learn your thoughts about life, the universe and everything, and am so happy for you to be on this upward spiral. Much love to you. xxo

Jen's Busy Days said...

I am struggling with this right now. I get afraid to cut down my food though while still breastfeeding. Trying to lose weight and get fit is such a change in its own right without adding a cranky toddler who is missing their mama moo or having to get up early with mum so she can go for a walk before the day begins. Maybe I am just making excuses, I don't know. I do know I don't like weighing the same as I do full term yet I have not been pregnant for almost 3 years.

Best wishes
Jen in NSW

Clare said...

Jen, the best trick/tip I can give is don't cut down on food, but increase healthy and nutritious foods. We need lots of calories when boobing, just not as many as I was having, and not wasted calories.
I find losing weight while breastfeeding is quite easy, it's the starting and keeping it up that I find hard. Trying to keep up motivation and stay on top of making sure I have healthy and nutritious foods there ready.