Friday, 4 March 2011

Honest Motherhood

We all have intentions as mothers.
Intentions to be good role models for our children.
Intentions to yell less.
Intentions to not sweat the small stuff.
Intentions to cook wholesome meals for or family.
Intentions to listen attentively to our children's questions and wanderings.
Intentions to make the most of every moment with our children.
Intentions to not brush our children off when they say 'Hey Mummy....' for the 243rd time that day.
Intentions to put down what we are doing and go look at the newest, and greatest Mega Lego creation.
Intentions to be the best Mother we can be.

What happens?
Reality? Laziness? Tiredness? The need for time to just sit, alone, with no one asking questions, wanting something, needing us? Things piling up, causing stresses and headaches which in turn leaves us with less patience?

All of the above and more? I'd say yes.

Lately I have felt overwhelmed. Not all the time, but enough for me to sit down at the end of the day, children and hub all asleep, the house quiet, and let out my frustration.
I vent, whinge, sook, let it out.
Then I think about what is happening, why, how, and most importantly if it is not working this way, what can I change? Another just as important question is, could the change need to come from me?

One thing on my mind is yelling. I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate how I know it makes the children feel, and Hub too.
Usually it is over the floor. Pencils, food, toys, shoes, clothes, staples, sticky tape, blu-tak, books, cups, cutlery, paper, pillows, substances now unrecognisable.
It really drives me nuts, or really I allow it to drive me nuts. I have 6 children, hello? of course there is going to be crap all over the place.

Lately I have made a few tweaks and reminded myself to breathe deeply when I see stuff all over the floor, rooms and stairs.
It's not easy, I'm still getting there, and no doubt will always be working on it.
I am finding more ways for everything to have it's own home. This is what works best for us so far. Slowly over time we have added furniture, boxes, corner nooks, little tables and tubs for all our stuff.
The kids are able to see something on the floor and know where it lives when it is not being used.

Then there is working on me. I don't think I will every be truly zen. Are any mothers?
I actually don't want to even try.
Of course I don't want my kids to see a raving lunatic mother yelling over a Mr Potato Head moustache like it was the end of the earth, but I also don't want them seeing me as something I am not.
I want them to see my emotions. I want them to know emotions are good and healthy. But an emotion that can be frightful or scary, for both Mumma and child is not good. Yelling, and feeling out of control is not good.
This is mine to sort through and work on.

When I have yelled or lost control and become frustrated I quickly recognise it and stop, feeling horrible. Take a deep breath, and say sorry to my kids for losing it. Telling them that it's ok to get frustrated and angry and upset, but not ok to take it out on others.
A parent apologising to their child is important. For the child and the parent.

I adore my children, and have a love for them I never knew was possible. I know that when I am angry or frustrated it is not about them. I am the parent, the adult. It is about me and trying to work out the tools I need to help me.

As well as being more organised with our stuff another thing I have added in is going out once a month with some of women friends. Just a few hours to go to dinner or a movie, talking, laughing, venting and supporting each other.
I appreciate being able to do this, and feel much better after my night out.

Being more organised, having time for me and adding more rhythm to our house and the running of it is helping.
Baby steps.


Anonymous said...

i'm hearing ya and you know i'm always here for venting and bitching, goodness knows i do enough of it myself LOL.
luff you xox

Nat said...

*sigh* This speaks to me so much. Thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts. Mwah.