I have liked the band OKGO for years now. Hub sent me a message telling me he loves me with this link. I had forgotten about this song. I like it a lot. This too shall pass, but for the time being we will go through it together.
Thanks Hub, I love you.

I get it, but still don't like it

I get the stigma attached to depression. All the different kinds. They all still have the word depression in there.
Most people in society hear that word and have no idea what it truly means.
They may have visions of someone in a rocking chair, looking out the window with a Nanna's crocheted shawl wrapped around them. Rocking back and forth.
No thanks to TV and movies very little is understood or even accepted in society.

You might see me at one of the children's sports. Cheering them on. I will even be smiling and hug them after the game and tell them how well they played.
You may look at me and think, she looks normal.
Grr, that damn word normal. Who the fuck is normal anyway. Certainly no one I know. There is no such thing, in my opinion. Unless normal means 'human and alive.'

You may even bump past me walking down the street, and you say sorry. To which I will laugh and say 'no worries.'

Don't think there is a rule book with depression. Everyone who has it, is different. We are all here for different reasons, and we live different lives. We are all getting through in our own ways.

For me, I don't want to be treated in a special way. Just talk to me as you usually would. Show kindness, caring and respect as you usually do, and should to anyone.

Depression or not, we all have shit going on. Bills to pay, meals to make, things to worry about.
A bit of compassion goes a long way. Taking a big breath before opening your mouth goes a VERY long way!

For me I am taking one day at a time. I have a calendar with everything going on in our lives, but I am still looking at only what I have to do today. It certainly helps we are in school holidays at the moment, so we have a break from the kids activities for a couple of weeks.

The house plans still carry on. Despite everything going on with me, I know we need to keep things in motion. It's something to look forward to, along with waiting for our lucky last family member.

What word makes people go quiet?

And for most of them they will nod there head, say quietly "Uh ok" and then make up some excuse to leave the room, building, state.

Depression. Most people have NO idea how to deal with the word, let alone how to them talk to someone who is going through it.
Phrases that start with "You just need to...."
"All you need is....."
"A friend of mine had a cousin who had depression and he took up.......... and he snapped right out of it. Maybe you............."

I would like to believe the majority of people say the above out of ignorance, and just not getting it.
Why else would they say "You need to do x, y or z and then it will go away"

If you were to look up Antenatal depression you would not see a picture of me. There is very little information out there for antenatal, loads on postnatal though.
Antenatal is through pregnancy, postnatal is after giving birth.

Nearly everything I have read about antenatal depression does not ring true for me. I did find one article that mentioned feeling blank/numb a lot of the time. This is a tick for me.
It also mentioned feeling tired no matter what time of the day it was and regardless of how well you were eating or taking care of yourself. Another tick for me.
They did all mention feeling teary at times, but then again this is something that happens to most pregnant women at some point. It did not mention the amount of crying though. I assume once in a while would be natural, every day would not. I fell into the every now and then category.

I found in the articles I came across a big emphasis on the first time mother, and also 'surprise' pregnancies.
Clearly I am not a first timer, and I was and still am very excited about our planned baby. This could be why I waited even longer to see my GP. I love feeling the baby move, am very excited about our last family member joining us and am not concerned at all about coping, or how things will be.
I think this is where more information about antenatal depression needs to be put out there. So mothers who already have a child/ren can get information for them too.

I am a strong believer in trying natural remedies first when possible. If 3 months goes by and there is little improvement you know it's time to seek out more professional help.

Which is what I did. I am very fortunate to have a great GP whom I have been seeing my entire life. Apparently when I was 1 years old I was sick and having a tantrum, and he helped calm me down. We have a long history basically, and I trust him, and he knows me very well.
We talked about my past pregnancies, life in general, big things happening at the moment and of course the children. I explained how if anything I am getting through the days because of the children. I get out of bed because of them. They keep me going. They are also actually not a burden like some people say, and certainly not causing how I was feeling.
They really are great kids and a wonderful help.

We spoke about hormones in pregnancy, and how each pregnancy is different. The hormones are not exactly the same each time. Every pregnancy and baby is different, and we need to go by what is happening with this pregnancy. I had noticed how annoyed I felt this pregnancy, in a physical way. It's hard to describe, but sometimes I feel like I want out of my skin. I am just annoyed all over.
I told him how I feel the hormones have wreaked havoc this time.

He talked about how he knows how I feel about medications and that I do prefer to try naturally first. I told him all the things I had been doing over the months. I know I am lucky that he knows a lot about natural ways and agreed with what I was taking to try and help.

Then we moved on to medications. He explained to me the different types and how they work, and what is safe/not safe in pregnancy and breastfeeding.
He gave me a prescription to start the next morning, a low dose. Also to see him in 2 weeks again.

We then chatted about seeing someone to talk to told me about a few women he highly recommends for mothers. So we are in the process of getting to see one of them too.

He said that while he would rather I was not going through what I am, that he is very pleased I came to see him.

So now I am still taking my supplements, along with my prescription. I am glad I am able to keep taking the supplements, as I know how important they are for me to have.

And that is where I am at. A post I have found very hard to write, but feel important to get it down, and press publish before I chicken out!

I need to Pee

Yup, no such thing as TMI on this blog.

"Needing to go to the toilet is very common at the start of the first trimester and end of third trimester. You will more than likely have a break in between."

BULLSHIT!

Why do so many 'information and advice' articles and books say this? Ask 50 pregnant women and I guarantee those who had that nice break are in the minority.

Telling women this sets us up (ok me) to whinge and complain even more. This pregnancy I have not had a break AT ALL. All day at least every half hour, all night it stretches to every hour.
This is when I get that feeling. But do I go straight away? Of course not. I am a grown adult who still tries to ignore it, cause, you know, it might go away. Ha!

Empathy to all the Mummas out there who know what I am talking about.

Here's to the last trimester!