With Hands and Hearts Full

Nevus Camp and Conference

2012-01-22T21:37:00.004+11:00

Back in October 2010 I posted about the Nevus Camp and Conference. A camp and conference for families and children who have a Nevus, or are touched by someone with a Nevus. In our case it is our gorgeous, cheeky 5 year old son.

Well it is that time again when we start to fund raise to make this even happen, especially for the children. It is a brilliant camp and the children have so much fun together. They get to talk birthmarks and everything that goes with it.
The parents get to laugh and cry with each other about their journey. We ask each other questions, compare notes and talk about life in general.

Here is a pic of a few of us trying to get all the kids in one pic. Such happy, beautiful children.

I really cannot express what a wonderful event this is. As a parent it is so wonderful knowing other parents, chatting to them and just makes this aspect of my life that bit less lonely. Other parents who understand the tears, frustration, countless hospital visits, the beautiful person that is our child, a child who is so much more than a birth mark and dots all over their body.

All the parents and members of Nevus Australia are raising money in their own ways to make this next camp happen.
It is being organised for Melbourne, from October 4th until the 7th.
As I learn about what is happening in each state I will post here so people can spread the word and help us raise enough money.

So if you are able to please donate, even a few dollars, it truly all adds up! Visit the Nevus Australia website to donate and learn more.

Here is a pic of our gorgeous boy with his grown up Nevus buddy who he met for the first time at the last camp. It was so wonderful to meet Andrew and his wife, and hear him talk about his life and journey into adulthood with Nevus and everything that comes with it. Andrew is an inspiration and I am so glad us and so many families met him.

I would also like to add a big thank you to all the people who donated for the last camp. It happened because of you! We appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts.

Here's to the 2012 Nevus Camp and Conference!

Sweet, Hand Made gifts for my Squishy

2012-01-13T03:48:00.004+11:00

These two gorgeous felt creatures were made by the mother of one of the big boys friends. She makes all animals and creatures and they are just divine.
So far they have been a huge hit with Miss 3 and Miss 2. They love playing with them in the dollhouse. Mrs Mouse and Mrs Rabbit can talk, didn't you know!
I love them, and am hoping she can teach me one day, when I have spare time, ha!

These crochet Mary Janes. Oh my! They are just adorable. A dear friend of ours, Indi, hand made them lovingly. I look at them and think how cute they are on her little feet. Then I can't help but know she will grow out of them. Damn babies!

I do so love hand made gifts. I am amazed, inspired, in awe and a tad jealous too with such gorgeous hand made gifts. I would so love to be able to create beautiful things for others.
One day. Did you just squeal April? Yes, one day we will sit together and I will actually get beyond two rows of a beanie :)

Nup, cannot get any cuter.............

2012-01-06T20:44:00.003+11:00

A few extras, encore from the people.

2012-01-05T23:08:00.002+11:00

So there have been some questions around the changes our family are taking on this year. More specifically that the older children are heading into, dun dun da!!!!!! School!

As I have said since we begun, nothing is set in stone. We take life at is comes and adjust, change, and go with what is best at the time.

No, I don't believe for a second there is a 'best way' when it comes to school or learning. The are pros and cons for any path we choose. I know parents with children in school who believe school is the ONLY way for children, all children. I know parents of homeschoolers who believe the same about homeschool.
I believe these are extremes and personally disagree. There is no one size fits all when it comes to children. They are all different. They all learn differently, process information differently, play differently. You get the picture.

Yes, I am sad. But I am also excited. I am also proud of my children who have chatted with us about their lives, what they want at the moment, and how they see their future. We wanted our children to grow and always speak up for themselves, think outside the box, and strive to be who they want to be and to head towards where they want to go. This character building can also be frustrating, but as parents we have to remind ourselves what we see as good qualities in our children that they will carry through and build on into adulthood.

I have no idea what this year holds for us. At the moment we are only looking at term 1 and seeing how it unfolds.
Nothing is locked in.

Yes, it has been hard. I loved the thought of the children all being homeschooled into their teenage years and us continuing to go put and exploring while others were 'stuck in school. I would day dream about when they would go to University, get an apprenticeship, or a job, travel, follow their dreams.
But this is not about what I want. I still imagine my daydreams happening, but on the path each child wants to take. Not what I want them, or hope for them to take.

Honestly, learning and growing up never ends. It still sucks at times. We are always building character, whether we like it or not.

If we can get through schooling, no matter where or how, and the children are happy with their path, then I know we have done good.
Fingers crossed hey!

Year of big changes!

2011-12-31T00:42:00.003+11:00

2012 brings with it some major changes for our family.
The best one, and biggest we have ever done in my opinion, is our house. A home we have dreamed of for years. I have only mentioned it here now and then mainly because, well, to most it is a very boring subject. A topic only hose who are building or renovating or dreaming can really understand.
So, lucky you, I will save you from going on about types of wood, foundations, ceiling height, windows, paint colours, straw, render and sooo much more.

I have a big list of things that need to be done for the planning stage and how much we need to save for said planning stage, grumble. We meet our draftswoman early in the new year to finalise the plans and then things will get very exciting! For me anyway, I love this stuff.
So yes, a big house to fit us all with room to fling a child around.

Another big change is the older children heading off to our local school. Huge news really. I am still coming to terms with my feelings. On the one hand I would love to make them do what I want. But you can't control someone and preach about their autonomy at the same time.
Children grow up. As they grow their view and understanding of the world grows with them. The children you wanted to always voice their opinion, have their feelings heard, now have those!

I have felt it may happen one day. One, two or more would want to give school a go.
I know for me growing up, when I was not allowed to do something, I wanted to do it. Foods I couldn't have, I wanted them. Told not to do something, I did it. Always testing boundaries and pushing for things I knew I could do, or would be ok with.
My determination and lure to seeing just how far I could go, or see what I could do, has certainly been passed on to the children. I want to embrace that, as much as I can while I remind that pesky inner voice that they are growing up and I have to continually let go a bit more each time. They have minds of their own, different ways of seeing the world.
Don't get me started on how the 2 eldest boys are the same shoe size as me now and VERY close to seeing eye to eye with me.

I have also never seen schools/institutions, as the enemy, like some home edders have told me.
Maybe it is part because I went to Uni to be a teacher. Part is also certainly because I and Hub both went to school, yet here we are challenging the world and views from the moment we got together at only 15. I am here and who I am because of my past, and the journey along the way.

In a nutshell I want my children to know that we are here and supporting them through their life and the direction they want to go in. For 2012, it will be a combination of school and still some home edding. Yes, you can combine both. I know too well there are gaps in what children want to learn and what they are exposed to at school.
Maybe that is the teacher in me, trying to make sure the children are well rounded, with awesome grammar and hand writing!

As you can imagine we have talked about school a lot over the years, and especially in the last few months. I was very pleased to overhear the older boys talking about going to school and how they are excited to go but how they are glad they know they can always go back to home ed if they prefer.
I love that they know they have choices and that their parents are following their lead and supporting them as they grow up (way too fast!)

What also helps is how family orientated this school is. There is around 70 students across the 7 grades. I have spoken to many parents about teachers, the principal, the school in general etc. I also put the school through the wringer so to speak when we visited each time the kids had went. In the last 2 months they have spent a couple of hours in the classrooms getting to know the teacher and other kids. They went 4 times and each time they would tell me everything that happened, who they spoke to, what they did, what they liked, what they were not sure of.
I am very pleased the school were happy for them to do this, as it meant the children could see for themselves for deciding for certain about going next year.

Don't worry, I'm not kidding myself it is all sunshine and lollipops! There are pros and cons no matter what we do. The key is the support they have and the ability to keep open dialogue with the children and us about their lives. Communicating with the teachers is also very important to me.

So we will see what Term 1 brings come Feb next year.
I will be home with my 3 little women and must admit I am a little excited too. I have no doubt there will be a lot of play dough happening and lots of cutting and pasting. A big favourite at the moment.
Miss 3 already has big plans for us. Lots of baking, going to the park and watching Dora. Yay, I think!

Latest and lucky last babe!

2011-12-19T23:50:00.002+11:00

Our sweet baby girl arrived in a speedy, very intense and hard labour, just over a week ago. Hub and I both were swaying more towards our babe being a boy, and laughed when we saw nope, another beautiful baby girl had joined our family. Another not so little girl! She was 11 pounds and 58.4cm long. She still feels so tiny in my arms though.

Having her first feed, all snuggled up with Mummy and her fan club! The other children all adore her and always want to look at her and cuddle her. Miss 2 wants to eat her, or kiss her to death. She will hear her cry and say 'Ohhh baby sister!'

Master 5 asked me to take some pics with her. He has been very cute, just watching her, gently touching her hand. It is very sweet to watch him, especially as I would say he is the most energetic and on the go out of all the children.

Our days have been quite slow and lazy, perfect for babymooning. Over the next week we will be getting ready for Christmas. The children are all very excited and looking forward to a day of fun at Nanna and Poppy's house.

A long time between drinks

2011-11-01T19:36:00.004+11:00

The hours fly by so fast. The days and weeks too. Yet it also feels like time can drag by soooo slowly.
My head is still swirling with everything and more we have going on right now, but thankfully it is not overwhelming me or having me feel anxious.
I'm nudging 35 weeks now and flow between feeling zen about when the baby will choose her or his birthday, to just wanting it over and done with already.
This is normal for me, I have done it the last 5 pregnancies. I just try to remind myself baby knows the best day and labour goes so much better when it happens spontaneously.

I am feeling very heavy in the pelvis, especially since bubs dropped about a week ago. Yay I can breathe again, but ouch at the same time!

I am still asked if this is for certain the last baby. Even by people that know Hub had a vasectomy. Yes, it is! 100% it is. It has been 5 months since hub had it done, and I am more happy and content with the decision as time goes by.
I love and adore babies. They smell, the squishyness, holding them, their sweet breath. They really are lovely.
But I know my body and mind are ready for this last baby. I know what a strain my body has been through carrying such large bubs too.

I have also been told by others how they cannot fathom making such a decision. How it is so final. How it means no more, and they can't imagine doing it. This makes me laugh. As clearly, it means they are not ready. They do not want to close that chapter of their lives yet.
And of course that is ok. I was there once. Amazed at the women making final decisions about no babies. It means no more babies!!
And now it is my turn. My turn to feel 'done. For years I wondered, and was concerned too, if I would ever feel done. I would listen to Mums talk about how they just knew, and how they were excited for the next stage of no more babies.
I honestly did not get it. Of course I didn't get it. I wanted my window to stay open. I was not ready. It was not my time.

But now I am. And I laugh at how once I could never imagine being here.
I feel happy, liberated, excited and to be honest a bit sad too. Endings are always sad.
I am trying hard to enjoy the kicks and movements of this bellybabe. Knowing she or he is the last to grow inside my womb. The last baby, our little caboose!

The current little caboose continues to make me laugh, and brings so much joy to our family. I can't imagine, nor remember life without her.
I know I will feel the same when this wee baby joins us too.

Here is Miss 1 asleep in a funny place, as usual. All our children have been such great 'anywhere' sleepers. No matter where we are, if they feel tired they fall asleep. This was the last suitcase to unpack after a weekend away. She loves to help. By help I mean she will toss everything out of the case, clap her hands, smile and say 'All done!'
I must admit, if the older boys did this at nearly 2 I would more than likely crack it, sigh and tell them not to do that. Now, many years and babies later, I am more patient, but more than anything I see the funny side, and don't sweat the small stuff. I know how fast time goes by, how fast children grow. I choose to laugh. Life is much happier this way, for all of us.

House plans are still in the making, just going very slow as we save for what needs to be done next. It is a longer process doing it this way, but it means things are paid for with cash upfront and then we don't have to worry about it again.

The builder is currently doing the final touches on another straw bale home not far from us, and then will be able to have more time for us. It has worked out well and we are grateful to find people nearby who can help us build our home.

Til next time!

Life goes on

2011-10-16T19:23:00.002+11:00

Whether I like or not, I have to keep going. Even with the crying, whinging, sooking, and complaining(all mine) the world just will not stop until I am feeling well enough to face it again.

Clothes need to be washed, folded and put away every day. Children want to read stories. They also want to go out and socialise and play, grumble. And what is with wanting to be fed more than once a day? sheesh!

When I look at this photo I sigh at all the washing Hub had done, ready to be folded and put away. But then I see him with some of the children reading another story that night and it makes me smile. Washing will always be there, the kids at this age will not. It is them that help me see how much life is worth living. I get out of bed each day because of and also for them, before I think of myself.

This chubby cheeked, smiling, happy baby is simply hilarious. She makes me laugh many times in the day and I am so thankful she is in our family. She has so much personality and character for a 1 year old and she loves to have us all laughing.
All she has to say is 'Mummy yook, Mummy yook' and I smile, seeing the excitement in her face at the latest thing she wants me to look at too.

Her big sister has me laughing just as much. At only 3 years old she talks so well and is very animated. If I do not here her over all the monkeys the first time she will say loudly "Mummy, I am talking to you!' and if I call her almost every time she replies with 'Just a second' Who knows where she gets it from hey. She has her own little bed, in the room she shares with her sister. They love being together and often I see them together on the same bed with the CD player and one of their read-a-long books, with the 'ding' each time you need to turn the page. I loved them when I was little. Except I had a cassette, remember those?

Very slowly, at snail pace, each day is getting better. I have had the odd day in there though that really sucked and made me think, Bugger, I thought I was moving forward. But looking over the months I can see the better, smoother days are outnumbering the low days. This is good. This is progress. My Hub, my children, my parents, and close friends make a huge difference in getting through. They are loving, caring, supportive, and help in any way they can. I truly feel that even if you don't understand what someone is going through, you can still empathise and support them.

'Til next time!

Blogtoberfest

2011-10-01T20:36:00.002+10:00

I won't be doing Blogtoberfest this year. I just don't have it in me, and I fear most days will just be a whinge, bitch or whine as I swim through this AND. I don't want to do that to you, or me.

However I will link you to {tinniegirl} where you can follow the wonderful blogs who will be participating.
Enjoy!

2011-09-30T15:08:00.002+10:00

I have liked the band OKGO for years now. Hub sent me a message telling me he loves me with this link. I had forgotten about this song. I like it a lot. This too shall pass, but for the time being we will go through it together.
Thanks Hub, I love you.

I get it, but still don't like it

2011-09-28T22:56:00.002+10:00

I get the stigma attached to depression. All the different kinds. They all still have the word depression in there.
Most people in society hear that word and have no idea what it truly means.
They may have visions of someone in a rocking chair, looking out the window with a Nanna's crocheted shawl wrapped around them. Rocking back and forth.
No thanks to TV and movies very little is understood or even accepted in society.

You might see me at one of the children's sports. Cheering them on. I will even be smiling and hug them after the game and tell them how well they played.
You may look at me and think, she looks normal.
Grr, that damn word normal. Who the fuck is normal anyway. Certainly no one I know. There is no such thing, in my opinion. Unless normal means 'human and alive.'

You may even bump past me walking down the street, and you say sorry. To which I will laugh and say 'no worries.'

Don't think there is a rule book with depression. Everyone who has it, is different. We are all here for different reasons, and we live different lives. We are all getting through in our own ways.

For me, I don't want to be treated in a special way. Just talk to me as you usually would. Show kindness, caring and respect as you usually do, and should to anyone.

Depression or not, we all have shit going on. Bills to pay, meals to make, things to worry about.
A bit of compassion goes a long way. Taking a big breath before opening your mouth goes a VERY long way!

For me I am taking one day at a time. I have a calendar with everything going on in our lives, but I am still looking at only what I have to do today. It certainly helps we are in school holidays at the moment, so we have a break from the kids activities for a couple of weeks.

The house plans still carry on. Despite everything going on with me, I know we need to keep things in motion. It's something to look forward to, along with waiting for our lucky last family member.

What word makes people go quiet?

2011-09-16T16:08:00.003+10:00

And for most of them they will nod there head, say quietly "Uh ok" and then make up some excuse to leave the room, building, state.

Depression. Most people have NO idea how to deal with the word, let alone how to them talk to someone who is going through it.
Phrases that start with "You just need to...."
"All you need is....."
"A friend of mine had a cousin who had depression and he took up.......... and he snapped right out of it. Maybe you............."

I would like to believe the majority of people say the above out of ignorance, and just not getting it.
Why else would they say "You need to do x, y or z and then it will go away"

If you were to look up Antenatal depression you would not see a picture of me. There is very little information out there for antenatal, loads on postnatal though.
Antenatal is through pregnancy, postnatal is after giving birth.

Nearly everything I have read about antenatal depression does not ring true for me. I did find one article that mentioned feeling blank/numb a lot of the time. This is a tick for me.
It also mentioned feeling tired no matter what time of the day it was and regardless of how well you were eating or taking care of yourself. Another tick for me.
They did all mention feeling teary at times, but then again this is something that happens to most pregnant women at some point. It did not mention the amount of crying though. I assume once in a while would be natural, every day would not. I fell into the every now and then category.

I found in the articles I came across a big emphasis on the first time mother, and also 'surprise' pregnancies.
Clearly I am not a first timer, and I was and still am very excited about our planned baby. This could be why I waited even longer to see my GP. I love feeling the baby move, am very excited about our last family member joining us and am not concerned at all about coping, or how things will be.
I think this is where more information about antenatal depression needs to be put out there. So mothers who already have a child/ren can get information for them too.

I am a strong believer in trying natural remedies first when possible. If 3 months goes by and there is little improvement you know it's time to seek out more professional help.

Which is what I did. I am very fortunate to have a great GP whom I have been seeing my entire life. Apparently when I was 1 years old I was sick and having a tantrum, and he helped calm me down. We have a long history basically, and I trust him, and he knows me very well.
We talked about my past pregnancies, life in general, big things happening at the moment and of course the children. I explained how if anything I am getting through the days because of the children. I get out of bed because of them. They keep me going. They are also actually not a burden like some people say, and certainly not causing how I was feeling.
They really are great kids and a wonderful help.

We spoke about hormones in pregnancy, and how each pregnancy is different. The hormones are not exactly the same each time. Every pregnancy and baby is different, and we need to go by what is happening with this pregnancy. I had noticed how annoyed I felt this pregnancy, in a physical way. It's hard to describe, but sometimes I feel like I want out of my skin. I am just annoyed all over.
I told him how I feel the hormones have wreaked havoc this time.

He talked about how he knows how I feel about medications and that I do prefer to try naturally first. I told him all the things I had been doing over the months. I know I am lucky that he knows a lot about natural ways and agreed with what I was taking to try and help.

Then we moved on to medications. He explained to me the different types and how they work, and what is safe/not safe in pregnancy and breastfeeding.
He gave me a prescription to start the next morning, a low dose. Also to see him in 2 weeks again.

We then chatted about seeing someone to talk to told me about a few women he highly recommends for mothers. So we are in the process of getting to see one of them too.

He said that while he would rather I was not going through what I am, that he is very pleased I came to see him.

So now I am still taking my supplements, along with my prescription. I am glad I am able to keep taking the supplements, as I know how important they are for me to have.

And that is where I am at. A post I have found very hard to write, but feel important to get it down, and press publish before I chicken out!

I need to Pee

2011-09-04T00:23:00.002+10:00

Yup, no such thing as TMI on this blog.

"Needing to go to the toilet is very common at the start of the first trimester and end of third trimester. You will more than likely have a break in between."

BULLSHIT!

Why do so many 'information and advice' articles and books say this? Ask 50 pregnant women and I guarantee those who had that nice break are in the minority.

Telling women this sets us up (ok me) to whinge and complain even more. This pregnancy I have not had a break AT ALL. All day at least every half hour, all night it stretches to every hour.
This is when I get that feeling. But do I go straight away? Of course not. I am a grown adult who still tries to ignore it, cause, you know, it might go away. Ha!

Empathy to all the Mummas out there who know what I am talking about.

Here's to the last trimester!

Absent, in a few ways

2011-08-31T13:07:00.003+10:00

I haven't blogged much at all in the last 5 or so months. To be honest this pregnancy has been quite hard on me emotionally. I am very excited to be having another baby join us, and looking forward to everything that goes with it.
I feel the hormones this time are wreaking havoc inside my poor head.
The kids are great in the scheme of things. There is no one thing that is 'causing' my low feelings. I am also not low or down about anything much at all. I just feel down, in general.

This sucks. For me, Hub and our family. I would never choose to be feeling this way, I don't believe anyone would.
I have kept up with vitamins, making sure I get the nutrients I and bub need. It is bloody hard taking care of yourself with life and children needing you too.

I am not going through this because of 'all those children.' Those who think that do not understand the large family dynamics. The children are very good when I am pregnant, tired and needing extra help. The older children are wonderful with tidying up, folding clothes, vacuuming if need be etc.
Truth be told it would be much harder going through this without them. They are happy to read to the littlies or get them a drink.

I know I will get through this, and for the moment I am really just floating through the days. Doing what I can and trying to look after myself.

And no, I can't 'get over it' or 'just cheer up.' as some suggest. It doesn't work that way. If you think it does, you need to do some actual research and reading and maybe a lesson or two in compassion and empathy.

You might see me out and about with 'all those children' and think I have it together, am doing great, and wow even smiling and laughing. I do have good times and moments, amongst the numbness and wanting to just stay in bed all day and night.
Seeing me happy does not mean I am now better. It just means what it is, that I am happy in the moment.
You can't make yourself happy, or force happiness.

I have added a break from Facebook on my list of things to help. I had noticed a fair amount of negativity, sadness, anger and some things that were just depressing lately. I don't want to stop any of that completely from my life, as sometimes it is unavoidable, but by taking a break from Facebook I can cut some of it out.

My posts here will be sporadic at best for a bit longer.
I am ok but I am not ok. I am working on it in my own way and doing what I need for me.

I do appreciate thoughts being sent my way, cheers.

Things I have learned this week

2011-08-16T20:56:00.000+10:00

~When you are building a house and call people in specific jobs, for example town planner, do not assume they actually know their job and can answer your basic questions. Lower your expectations from the beginning and expect to talk to a lot of people to find one simple answer.

~ Town Planning, generally suck. If you are lucky enough to find a person who can hold a conversation, speak fluently and coherently get down ALL their numbers and hold them around their legs and do not let go!

~ No matter how many times you think this time it will be different, it won't. What am I talking about here? Phone calls, when children are still within a 2km radius. No I am not exaggerating. I keep getting sucked in, damn it. Unfortunately we only have a phone attached to the wall at this house (how old fashioned?!). I keep meaning to add cordless phone to our shopping list. But really, I wonder if I keep forgetting because I remember back to when we had a cordless (before it was broken, sigh) and it really wasn't that much help. The kids would follow me, or hunt me out when I thought I was clever and had snuck away, or if I shut the door and held it closed with my foot they'd call out 'Mumma' in a sing song voice while kicking their feet against the door in rhythm.
Who knows what I will do!

~ I have a hatred so high for scary/horror movies, I am now convinced it will always be there, and I am ok with that. Hub and I watched a movie the other night, and while it was mild in regards to the horror genre it still had me sleepless all night after watching.
I told Hub no more. I'm done. Drama, Happy and Rom Com only for me, and kids movies too of course.

~ I will never get used to vomit. Ever. In the last week we have dealt with a lot of vomit. It's bad enough when I am not pregnant so you can imagine how much the stench affected me this bout of sickness. This time the second eldest woke me in the morning, telling me he had vomited in the toilet. I'd been up and down with his younger brother through the night so was a bit grumbly at being woken up for that. I told him no worries, just grab a bowl and hop on the couch and rest.
Soon after younger brother came in saying he wanted to use my toilet. I asked if someone was on the kids toilet. He said no, there is vomit in there.
So I got up and assumed he wanted me to flush it. Nup. There in FRONT of the toilet, on the floor, a huge vomit. Gah! Second eldest son obviously meant the toilet room.
Hub was at work. You know what this means. I was the only adult i the house. I had to clean it up. Damn. So I did. Sooking and whinging all the while.
Fingers crossed we are done with sickness for a while. All healthy and bright eyed again.
But I am sure some bug will find us within minutes of us having every sheet and piece of clothing washed, dried and put away.

~ I really, really, really want a laminator and a binder. They are up top on my homeschool supplies list. Seeing other home ed Mums show me how fun they are does not help the coveting.
I have heard they pop up now and then at Aldi. A couple of Mums have purchased them there and are very happy with their quality.
I remember when I was in school and we would type up our own stories and then bind them. It was so much fun, and I loved having my own 'Books.' I'm looking forward to doing the same with the kids.

Still Alive....

2011-07-08T19:07:00.002+10:00

barely!
How slack am I?! 3 weeks and no posting. Let's blame the 6 kids and growing belly ok? Cool

At least the nausea has settled right down now. I am still a wee bit tired, but really, it's to be expected.
Some days I remember back to when I was pregnant with my first. Oh how I could just sleep, with no care in the world. As my 9 year old loves to say 'Those were the days!'

Time is flying by this pregnancy. Although it seemed to drag when in the throws of nausea, now that I am feeling better the days are zooming by. I'll be 'halfway' before I know it.

The kids are on holidays at the moment, although really most home ed kids we know are never 'on holidays.' They still want to play, learn and create, even in cold weather like now.
My 6 year old spent a few hours today at a friends house. They are both similar in that they love the outdoors, playing and having fun. The girls collected lemons, twigs, big leaves and such to make their own nature tea party.
They also cut out and decorated bookmarks and then laminated them. I am the proud owner of a new book mark, now I can replace the folded receipt I have in my book I am currently reading.

At the moment the kids are loving 'Horrible Histories' on ABC 3. I must admit, I am too. We have not had free to air TV for such a long time, and I and the kids missed ABC. So Hub fixed the aerial and set it up again. The little ones love shows like Dirt Girl World, Small Potatoes and of course Play School. The bigger kids love Horrible Histories, Behind the News, Mister Maker(little ones like this too) and of course Soupe Opera! We all love that one, the music is quite catchy.
So far so good with the TV. Some of them would sit their all day, and others are happy with their fave shows and that's it, so I do regulate for the couch potatoes. A bit on the morning, and then again when I am preparing and cooking tea.

We are all looking forward to starting Story of the World in a couple of weeks. Up until now I had just put together bits and pieces for history and geography. Some from my own collection as a primary teacher, some from friends, some from the net etc
I have looked at history curriculum now and again and recently started searching more thoroughly. What I love about all the curriculum out there for every subject you can think of, is that when it comes to Home Education, you can go as slow or fast as you want, you can stop for a while, or you can skip ahead, come back, do whatever you like really. I love having that freedom.

It frustrates me when people will talk about curriculum and how if you use it than you are school at home 'types'. This is not true and just shows their ignorance, and lack of understanding, or lack of wanting to understand. Curriculum for me is like anything. You use it how you want, when you want, in a way that suits the individual child.
In a school setting the goal posts are very narrow. 25 odd children all being told the same thing at the same time, with worksheets and projects all done at the same pace. Yes they can source more info out of school, but the premise is at school. Everyone doing the same thing.

This is another reason I don't do labels. No matter what type you call yourself, the end result is that your child is doing what suits and fits them. This can be similar with siblings, or can be the complete opposite. I have 4 children all learning in different ways, with different interests, needs and wants. Some things cross over and are able to used for more than one child. Math-U-See for example has clicked for two of the kids, with another being more at home with my thrown together maths. One child loves a Grammar curriculum, the other doesn't.

While on the topic of labels, another misconception is that there is 'School at home' and 'Uncshooling.' This could not be further from the truth. Many years ago in America homeschoolers were mostly religious. The few who were not wanted to distinguish themselves away from the term homeschooler, as society assumed they were religious families doing school at home. As most religious homeschoolers followed a set curriculum and would do 'school at home.'
Hence John Holt's term Unschooling was used to distinguish the difference between school at home with set curriculum with a more rigorous and strict approach at teaching children and the more relaxed approach that other families were doing which was following the child and family interests with no set curriculum.
He uses the term to mean schooling that does not look like school. Since then it has been changed, adapted and moved around to mean many different things in America and the rest of the world.
(I have several close friends in America who have explained what I have just said clearly in regards to the evolvement of home education from the 1970s til now and am confident in retelling their experiences and knowledge)
I do not have any problem with anyone using whatever label they like, if it suits them and their family go for it. I only have problems when that label becomes restrictive and people stress about doing exactly what the label says. For example I know unschoolers who use some curriculum. I also know unschoolers who would say that if they use a curriculum for all subjects, or even one subject, then they are not unschoolers. One very popular 'unschooler' in America has even said to people whether she thinks they qualify as unschoolers or not.
This is when I see problems. Fitting into the label. It can be freeing for some, but also restrictive too. It is the very reason that if I am pressed to answer what 'label' we are, I say that we are Eclectic. Bits on bobs from here, there and everywhere. I feel freedom in the term eclectic as it truly is anything and everything, whatever suits.

There are not two types of out school 'learning.' There are hundreds. Every family is different, and it frustrates me when I hear and see people break down Home education into these two 'definitions'
At the end of the day, Home Education is Freedom. Freedom for each child to follow, learn and educate the way that suits them best. Whether that means using a box curriculum, some curriculum, no curriculum, Charlotte Mason, only Natural Leaning, some natural learning, religious based learning, Steiner, Montessori, De Bono, Frobel, travelling on the road leaning, in a cabin in the woods learning.
It is Freedom to go as fast as the child wants, freedom to start and stop when you need, freedom to change as you want or need, freedom to use whatever tools you like.

Ok off the soapbox, that stretched longer than I thought! I have a lot floating in my head, about so much. It can feel overwhelming as to where to even start.

I will post when we start Story of the World and then post maybe ever week or so about how it is going. It would be nice to have a bit of a record online about the progress.

Schooling/learning has changed a lot here in the last few months, as the older boys head into what society calls 'Highschool' education.' This is both exciting and scary! They are showing stronger interests in one or two areas and wanting to delve more into them. I have recently learnt about a program that is offered in our state for homeschoolers in high school level. They pick what subjects they want, and only go to the school for them. The rest of the week they pursue these areas more and also can follow other interests too. They meet with mentors once a month and talk about what they are doing, how they are going etc It is all lead by the student and they can change as they need/want. I am keen to learn more about this program. So far speaking to a parent and her daughter who is in the program has certainly made me interested to learn more. The young woman in the program said she is loving it, being able to learn more about the subjects she wants and having the freedom the program offers.
It is great learning more about what is out there for the higher levels of education and learning.

What a post! Hope you made it.

Oh yeah, I have a blog.

2011-06-20T14:37:00.003+10:00

"So, I used to read this blog. There would be a post every couple of days, now it's just quiet. A shame really as I loved reading regularly. You may have heard of it, it's called "With Hands and Hearts Full"

"Good one Hun. Yes I know I know. There is so much I have to write about it, it feels a little overwhelming really. What do I want others to read, what do I keep to myself. Not to mention some of my thoughts I know will cause a stir. Gah."

It is true, I have so much going around in my head the last few months. News articles that touch me greatly, others opinions based on what they think, rather than what they have studied themselves that I feel furious about, People who say one thing yet I know they do the opposite leaving others to be led to believe they are someone they are not, building a house while pregnant and home edding with 6 munchkins, people who really, really should NOT have children, a harsh judgement I know but it's the truth I see with my own eyes, and through the mouths of said parents themselves, and of course the bane of my existence, trying to keep things in some sort of organised chaos.

Along with all this we have had 3 birthdays in just over a month, Hub getting a vasectomy(woot) and us celebrating being together for 17 years.
Our eldest spent an evening in the ER with Hub a week ago after he had his hand slammed in a door while chasing his younger brother who slammed said door as oldest put his hand out. A few hours a stitches later he was home and feeling better.

I am not feeling 100% yet. This pregnancy has me all over the place, emotionally mostly. There is so much happening around here, I feel like I am overwhelmed and cannot do it. So Hub and I had a chat and have changed a few things. He is now taking over all the budget, bills, money going out etc. We will be having a 'changeover' next week and then he will take over. I have a diary just for money and budget, it is a huge help and does make it a lot easier. I know Hub will catch on fast, and the weight off my shoulders will be a huge help.

I will keep on with the paperwork and what is needed for the house to move it forward. I can make phone calls in the day which Hub can't. It is not much to do in these stages so no stress at all. It's still in the exciting phase.
I have 99% finished drawing up our plan and am quite chuffed with it if I do say so myself. It includes a kids retreat, 5 bedrooms and my favourite a large walk in pantry that will hold lots of shelving, a chest freezer and full fridge. I won't post much about it here, as not everyone gets as excited as Hub and I about house plans, paint colours, kitchens, windows, doors, barns and the list goes on and on! If you are interested you can follow us at our house blog here.

I'll do my best to write more often, ok hub.

Where I'm at

2011-05-28T17:39:00.001+10:00

Now that I am up the duff, with child, in the family way, pregnant or my least favourite old fashioned term that makes me shudder 'in confinement' things have changed a little.

I am not walking much, or moving much in general really. I am soooo tired, and nausea is with me all day and all night. Like that friend that just will never leave your side.

When I am pregnant I add in a few extra things to my diet. Spirulina, Floradix and if being more vigilant about drinking water.

The first trimester is a killer for me. Extra tired, very cranky, feeling like I am going to vomit all day and night, my patience is nearly non existent and I just want to bite off everyone's heads, everything is annoying me. I hate feeling this way. It is annoying and drives me bonkers.

Not long until the second trimester and fingers crosses close behind will be me feeling much better, and people will want to be around me again.

I had a strong urge to run away from everything lately. Brisbane was popping up everywhere I look and I started feeling nostalgic again about it. The nicer weather up there in winter is such a draw card. Tee shirts in the middle of winter, sigh. I even looked up houses in the area we used to live just to see how much they were at the moment.
I think it was actually making me feel worse. So last night I cracked open the house design software again and worked more on our house plan. I also looked up house plans, I love looking through them.
On my travels I also found the fire place that is almost exactly how I want ours in our living area.

I felt much better after looking through pictures, plans and making progress on our own house.
I don't know why I have such itchy feet. I lived in the one area for over 20 years and was fine. Yet somehow I get the feeling of wanting to move every year or so.
I spoke with hub more about it and we do have to put the kids first. A place where they can stay for a long time, be with their friends, play in their sports and activities and enjoy being in one place.

This doesn't stop the itchy feet of course! So we will be making sure we have as many trips away as we can, and hopefully in a few years we will be able to get to point where we can spend 2 months of the year somewhere around Aus. Preferably in winter, so we can go somewhere warm.

So that is where I am at. For the moment.

Sunday Salutations and Sickness

2011-05-15T17:59:00.002+10:00

I feel like crap. I feel tired, useless and and that I am letting my family down.

The kids, bless them, don't seem to mind how lacking in energy, and patience I am. They ask me if I am ok and give me hugs.

What is going on? Well those with large families, or who know us well, the first thought is 'Clare's pregnant again'

You would be correct. This pregnancy is very planned and wanted. It is also kicking my arse. I feel like I am on the verge of throwing up all day and all night. It doesn't matter what I eat or drink, the feeling never goes away, and believe me, this is being pregnancy number 8 I really have tried everything over the years. I just have to ride it out, and wait until everything settles down.

I feel tired all the time. This is what is hardest on everyone. While normally I am pretty lazy, I at least can get things done, and will go on rampages washing, cleaning etc.
Not now. Not when pregnant. But, when you already have a few kids, there is no choice but to get things done. There is no help like when you were pregnant with your first or second. People lose interest after a few kids, and their lives get busy too.
Kids need feeding, clean clothes, driven around to swimming, sports, activities etc. There is no stopping.

At the moment we have library every Thursday morning, swimming and basket ball training on Wednesdays, Basket ball training on Thursdays, home school group every second Friday, then swimming lessons on Saturday along with 4 kids playing basketball on Saturdays too.

So, I just suck it up, and do what I can when I can. Waiting for the magic time when I realise it's been a few days since I last felt sick. Bring it on.

Bubs is still feeding too which is adding to the tiredness too. She is 17 months now and while I am a big advocate of child led weaning, to be honest I would welcome her slowing down right now. While I am being honest I am also hoping to not tandem feed again. It is probably the hardest thing I have done parenting wise. I know others have found it wonderful and life was able to carry on wonderfully while tandem feeding.
I am just not one of those women. My 3 year old weaned herself 2 weeks ago and it was VERY much welcomed. Feeding two munchkins while in early stages of pregnancy was bloody hard. I was relieved when she was ready.

This will be our last baby. The end of the line. Our little caboose.
I thought our last baby would be 'it'. To be honest I would tell people it was, but in my head would think 'maybe, not sure actually'
This time I know for sure. I adore babies, they are just lovely. So tiny and perfect and I could just stare at them for ages.
I love all ages actually, all with their ups and downs, laughter and challenges.
I am ready for our next stage of our life. Building our next house, the children spreading their wings as they get older and become more involved with activities and their futures.
Hub and I being able to go away for the night or weekend as the children grow. No little one who depends solely on me.

I always wondered what it felt, to be ready to move on. No more babies. I know I will feel a bit sad, and feel a tug at my heart whenever I see a baby. But this is our number. Lucky 7 who will join us around Christmas time-ish. A lovely way to end 2011.

Things I know

2011-05-06T17:12:00.002+10:00

Playing along with Shae at Yay for Home!

~ Most people have no idea what homeschooling is.

~ The same 'most' people will tall you all the things wrong with home education and how they knew a friend once who had a neighbour and the child was homeschooled and went crazy one day and drove a car into a baby animal farm. (Yes, the stories are that crazy)

~ Most people will take YOUR decision to home educate YOUR children personally. One of the first responses I get is "But have you been to our school and checked it out, it's fantastic"
"That's nice, for YOU. We are happy how things are" Insert very big, cheesy smile.

~ 99% of the time the next questions is "Is it for religious reasons?" (This is especially true for me when they see my children, and nod their heads as they count to six

~ Most people will tell you (based on facts from their neighbours cousins postie) that only teachers are allowed to home educate their children. NOT TRUE! Anyone person can do it!
Just smile here, or if you are feeling really bold look around you, then back at the person and say "Ssshh we don't want the cops to be called on us"

~ Your eyes will glaze over upon being asked the million dollar question "What about Socialisation?"
You can answer this in so many fun ways. One mum I know said "That's ok, we're vaccinated for that"
Another fun way, which I like is to look at them with a serious face and ask "What do you mean" They usually go on about children needing to interact with other children and people, and learn how to 'be' in the real world.
You can then say "Well we go to the library, shopping, visit an elderly peoples home once a week, dancing, Basket Ball, Swimming, Scouts, visiting with grandparents and family every week, running their home ed group with other home ed children, going to camps, helping out with our family meal planning and budget, they also play in the local music band and take bread to local families every few weeks. Any of that Socialisation?"

~ People will try and quiz your child, more than likely right in front of you, some weird math or science question that they themselves more than likely don't know. This frustrates me soooo much. Do not try and make my child out to be an idiot, because more than likely you will not only fail, but he will make you look like the idiot you are.

~ Sometimes you just want to get away from the idiots. Smile politely and say you have to run. Then run!

~ Most people will tell you they would love to do that but........(insert several reasons from they work, to their kids drive them crazy enough in the holidays)
I do not care why, and I am not saying this in a mean or facetious way. I am truly just not phased what you do with your children. If they and you are happy then cool!
However, I will demand, and deserve, your respect back also, for how my family works.

~ Most people will assume you think you are better than them. Again not true, and don't care. Neither of you are better, you are simply travelling along a different path. Different strokes and all that.

~ At the end of the day we are all doing what we truly believe is right for our child/ren and family at the time. We all love our children, and it does no one any favours, in particular our children who are listening and watching us more than we realise, to be rude to people, either to their face or behind their backs.
How nice it would be to live in a world were we could just live and let live when it comes to the education of our kids.

What you may not know, or think is that important, after having a baby

2011-05-02T21:54:00.003+10:00

Now I say after having a baby, because what I am going to talk to you about happens to us all regardless of how I babies are born.

Muscle separation. Also known as Diastasis Recti.

What are Separated Muscles?

During pregnancy, many women experience a separation of their stomach muscles. Known as diastasis recti, this condition occurs when the main abdominal muscles (called the rectus abdominus) begin to pull apart. The left and right sides of this muscle separate, leaving a gap in between. Separated muscles do not tear or rupture, so little pain is involved, at least initially. Instead, the muscles thin out, creating a space in the abdomen. This gap can get worse over time and may result in future health complications.
The important muscles are the Transverse Abdominus. These are the innermost/bottom layer of your abs and they run across your abdomen.

What Causes Separated Muscles?

The rectus abdominus is kept in line by your transverse abs (the girdle like muscles that help keep your stomach flat) and your oblique abs (the muscles around your sides). During pregnancy, your abdominal muscles are tend to separate due to the growth of your baby in your uterus. This growth exerts pressure on the rectus abdominus muscles, causing them to split. Women who experience rapid growth of their stomachs during pregnancy are more likely to suffer from separated abdominal muscles. Women with particularly weak abdominal muscles may also end up with a split between the left and right side of the rectus abdominus.

How Common are Separated Muscles?

Separated muscles are actually fairly common during pregnancy. About one-third of all pregnant women experience separated muscles at some point throughout their pregnancy. Separation of the stomach muscles is more likely to occur during the second trimester or third trimester of pregnancy. However, separation also frequently occurs during labor and delivery.

Symptoms of Separated Muscles

Separation of the abdominal muscles is typically painless but there are a few symptoms that will help you to identify the condition. These include:

•a gap or space just below your navel
•a bump or ridge running from your breastbone down to your navel

Complications Associated with Separated Muscles

If you are suffering from separated muscles during pregnancy or in the postpartum period, it is important to take steps to encourage your muscles to reattach. It is unlikely that these muscles will reattach on their own and they may actually continue to separate after you have given birth. If left untreated, separated muscles can cause health complications, including:

•Chronic lower back pain (due to the fact that the abdominal muscles help to support your back and spinal column)
•Altered posture due to weak abdominal muscles (which in turn weakens your back muscles, leading to back pain)

Checking for Separated Muscles

It is very easy to determine whether you have separated abdominal muscles.

•Lie on your back with your knees bent and your feet flat on the floor.
•Slowly raise your head and shoulders off the ground. This should cause your abdominal muscles to tighten.
•Place your index and middle fingers just below your belly button.
•Press into your abdomen with your fingers. You should feel a soft gap between two hard muscles.
•Measure the space of the gap using your fingers. If the gap is greater than two finger widths, you may be suffering from separated muscles.
Repeat but put your fingers just above your belly button.

Treating Separated Muscles

There are some easy ways to help treat separated muscles after you have given birth. Simple abdominal exercises can help to bring the left and right sides of your rectus abdominus back together. These abdominal exercises are designed to help target weak muscles and won’t cause extra stress to your stomach or back.

A lot of women make the mistake of thinking after having a baby, and when they feel ready that sit ups or crunches will be good. This is incorrect, and can actually make the separation more pronounced and make healing and bringing the muscles back together take longer. They can cause the transverse muscles to stay separated and not come together.

The exercises I have found the most gentle for when you are starting out is at Babyfit.com.

I am posting this today as a sort of follow up from my last post about being fitter and healthy after pregnancy and birth. As I mentioned the first 5 times I found it fairly easy. The 6th time I did not take as good care of myself as I should.

I wanted to bring to your attention about muscle separation because many women do not know about it, and some of those who do are given the wrong advice about what to do about them.

After my last baby I noticed my separation was bigger than after the other births. I also have poor posture and a lot of lower back pain. The lower back was a combination of carrying such large babies, movement in my pelvis, pregnancy and poor core strength.

Slowly I have worked on all of these and core strength has been very important, especially as I love to carry my babies on my back. I am pleased to be getting there.

So there you have it, some friendly info about stomach muscles, core strength and how to take care of yours.

Things I know

2011-04-29T15:15:00.005+10:00

(Playing along with Shae at Yay for Home!)

I have had a post ready for quite a while about my weightloss/getting fitness back after yet another baby. I like the idea of making it into a 'Things I Know"

The following is all about me. Please read it and see it as me only. I truly do not care (in a loving way) what other people look like, what size they are, what they eat, whether they exercise or not, whether they sleep upside down. Seriously, I am very much a live and let live person, who is happy when others are happy.

So here we go..............

Things I Know

~ I have lost approx 20kgs since birthing my last child over a year ago.

~ I have gained and lost between 20 and 30kg with each child. That is SIX children. Lots of stretching and weight moving on my body.

~ I have walked/run for as long as I can remember. I truly like to do it. Even just an hour a couple of times a week, to be on my own in the fresh air. My thoughts are my own and I have no one to think about but myself. This is both good for my physical health as well as my emotional/spiritual health. I can clear my head and feel good, helping me be a better Mummy when I get back home.

~ For over ten years I have gone to gym classes. They ebb and flow through time, depending on the weather, illness, pregnancy, just given birth ect
I feel the same as I do with walking/running. It is lovely to have an hour on my own, and with a class the added bonus of laughing and chatting with others and enjoying the time while I shake my butts.

~ I make the effort after every baby to improve my fitness again, and slowly increase my walking/exercise. It is usually a slow process, but those first 6 months are important for me to go slow, focus on baby and boobing and healing after birthing yet another baby the size of Danny De Vito.

~ Our last baby I put on more weight then any other pregnancy. Towards the end I was more tired than I ever have been in my life. It was soo hard to move and just get around. I did not take as good care of myself as I should and could have. This made things harder also after baby was born. I had no energy and getting our family rhythm did not happen for far too long.
I had trouble sleeping, despite baby sleeping through from day dot. I had difficulty breathing, especially at night time.
I struggled walking up our short but steep driveway. It was about 15 steps, it killed me every time. My knees hurt every time I walked.
One day I had pains in my chest and I had a panic attack that something would happen to me while 6 kids were with me in the store.

~ I nearly cried when we went to a new dentist and discovered their was a flight of stairs to get up to her. I felt tired just looking at them. When I got to the top I pretended to fix my daughters shoe lace so I could try and catch my breath.

~ I know that...This was not me being healthy. This was not me loving myself. This was me, having gone too far with my last pregnancy. Eating poorly and not taking care of myself.

~ I Knew that.....My whole life was now affected. I was sad and upset that I could not do the things I wanted to with my young family. I was sad that I could not play with my children when they asked me too as I knew I would get puffed out quickly and need to sit down.
I was not enjoying my life. My physical health was very poor and my emotional health was sad and grim and I was feeling depressed.

~ I knew.....This was not the life I wanted. I knew things needed to change. I knew that I had not treated myself nor my body very well this time.

~ Others told me to just accept my body how it was. That I should focus on just loving myself.
Uh really? Focus on loving that I can't breathe? Focus on loving that I can't walk up a flight of steps without stopping half way? Focus on loving that I feel physically unwell?

~ While I feel they meant well, and that they did mean that I was a wonderful person no matter my size, I knew they were missing the point. I just don't know if they were missing it on purpose or accident. I felt betrayed and let down. If people truly cared about me surely they would see how unwell I was and want to support me in getting better and healthier on the inside and outside.
It was for this reason that I only had one person(out of my female friends) to turn too. One person was honest with me and listened to me and said they would support me. I am very grateful for this.
Hub as always has supported me from day dot, no matter how sane or crazy I seemed.

~ I know that weightloss is NOT a dirty word. I feel some people can read far too much into it, and get far too engrossed on everything negative. I do understand this, as there is a lot of pushing and money to be made with weightloss and people can be drawn to unethical companies and practices.
I saw it for what it was. My body was struggling carrying this extra weight, and suffering from my poor diet. Solution, start eating well, moving my butts, and work on a healthier body that suits my shape.

~ I know that Breastfeeding for two and eating well is hungry work. Once I got in a rhythm with foods through the day I found it easy. I had done this 5 times before(yet not at this higher weigh obviously) and I knew I could get there. I wanted to get there.

~ I now know.....You do not have to exercise to lose weight. The first ten kgs I lost I was not intentionally exercising. I was merely eating very well, and eating often. Eating when I was actually hungry was a huge factor also. Having lots of healthy snacks on hand and meal planning.
This said a lot to me. I learnt that my body was not meant to be that size. Well I was if I didn't move and ate nothing but poor foods.

~ I know that I refuse to give up foods I love. I don't agree with some people and their advice to cut out all 'unhealthy' foods. Bugger that. Instead I just cut down the amount and frequency of eating certain foods. Sharing a block of chocolate with Hub every single night, well, I'm sure even chocoholics would agree that is not the best idea. Especially when you throw in some coke and lollies.
Moderation and being smart about foods.

~ I know that often I felt alone in this journey. Soo many people telling me that I looked fine how I was, that I should not submit to society's pressure of skinny, that I should just enjoy life and love how I am.
Gee, thanks for caring, and totally not only missing the point, but not knowing me well enough that I don't give a shit about skinny. I just wanted to feel good again, and get up a flight of stairs or play with my kids without collapsing.
Give me some credit.
I've had curves and a pot belly for as long as I can remember. There is footage of my at around 7 years old in my bathers sporting quite a cute belly.
This will never change. I love them and I always will. I want a healthy body that fits 'my body' not an ideal of what others think is right or what society deems as 'sexy, thin, whatever'. If you really know me, you know I think that is crap for all women. We all have our own shapes and sizes that fit us. These shapes change over time, and especially with having children.

~ Lastly, I know that losing weight and getting healthier and fitter was, and always is only about me. About me feeling good about myself. About me physically feeling well. I have only ever done this after each baby for me. Well to be totally honest I also do it for my children. For them to see me taking care of myself while still indulging and enjoying life. So they can see moderation, well being and not to mention enjoying a happier mother. Enjoying a happier and healthier mother for many years to come.

If you made it this far well done, and thank you for reading my drivel. I have more to say but I will leave it for another day.

Nine

2011-04-23T15:39:00.005+10:00

I remember taking this photo. You were such a chubbby bubby with soft skin and edible cheeks. Your eyes so blue, I've yet to see eyes like yours yet. So sparkly and bright.
You were such a happy baby. Relaxed, easy going, content to go anywhere and go with the flow of our life.
You taught us that every baby is different and personality is there from a very young age and it plays a big part in how we are.
I wish I could go back in time just to blow a raspberry on your gorgeous cheeks! I'd do it now but you'd rather I didn't.

Four years old holding a Koala. Not much changed from when you were a baby, well the talking and taking yourself to the toilet of course. But you were still a happy, content little boy. It was so rare to see you get upset or angry. You had , and still do have, a big heart and lovely nature.

Here you are with your new baby sister, the morning she was born. You are a wonderful big brother. So loving and kind. Always ready to give your younger siblings a cuddle or help them. Who knew the baby you are holding in this pic would grow to be your shadow. She adores you, and wow, you have sooo much patience for her. Sometimes more than I do!

She will want to play with you, or have you read her a book, and you laugh or sigh and say 'ok bubby.' She demands that you sit next to her wherever we drive, and it makes you laugh. You will giver a piggy back ride from the bus to the house and she loves it, of course she gets you to do it by saying her legs have stopped working, while smiling.

On your ninth birthday. (Scuse the filthy faces) You were so excited about your birthday. Just one more year until double digits!

You are the same shoe and head size as me now. I see you reaching my height by Christmas next year, which makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Laugh because I can see our roles reversing, and me passing things to you to put away in higher cupboards, and cry because time is going by way too fast and my baby is growing up. This could not be more true then when a few months ago you had a main sized meal at a restaurant. No more kid's meals for you! Even after you ate your meal you were asking your siblings if they were finished and if they were 'going to eat that' I am wondering if I am going to have to get paid work just for food!

One thing that can make me laugh and also want to bang my head against the wall is your sometimes very relaxed nature. You do things at your own pace, when you are good and ready. I imagine if the house is on fire we will be running around in a panic, while you casually make your way up the stairs with your hands in your pockets. This you do with any book work we do, sports, playing a game and even eating. For you there is no rush.

Take your time growing up. There is no rush.

Happy Birthday my bright eyed boy.

Random things I say every.single.day

2011-04-01T17:30:00.003+11:00

~ Shut the door (Obvious one right?) ~ If you don't like her biting you keep your fingers out of her mouth! (Seriously, I know right?) ~ We eat food in the kitchen people! ~ Please don't run on the couch ~ I already asked you to not run the couch ~ Stop running on the freakin couch! ~ Oh yes, jumping from the top bunk into a bean bag is sooo much better ~ Yes I LOVE your bionicle, it looks awesome! (Hmm, looks exactly like the last 50 you showed me, but dammit I will love them all ) ~ Lego! (Always followed by scampering feet trying to get to me before I get to the bin) ~ Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bionicles bite (For my 4 year old. It cracks him up every time, which makes me laugh) ~ TTB! (Anyone else grow up with this? Teeth, Toilet, Bed) ~ Sorry, remind me, who is the parent? ~ I really don't think Daddy would like you taking that apart just to see how it works inside (Toaster, Computer, mobile phone, dvd player. Take your pic) ~ Gee, you're not close enough to the TV hun (Said to all of them, except the baby, who is not interested in TV, for now) ~ Shhh I just put the baby to bed. ~ I have no idea how life would be if.............................. there were only women, we all had super powers, you ran the world, we all had bionicle robots, we lived under the sea, the sun exploded, (and my personal favourite) You were the only child we had (This is always asked when we are dishing out dessert or talking presents. ~ Club Penguin is the best I agree! ~ Yes, we do have the most adorable baby in the world. (We are not biased at all) ~ No, I love Ben Ten more! ~ Daddy's Home!

Token Baby photo

2011-03-12T18:07:00.001+11:00

Alseep at the dinner table.

Quote of the Day

2011-03-09T12:46:00.004+11:00

"I remember the good old days, when it was just me and big brother. "

Said the 8 year old. Said in relation to the fighting going on over who would sit next to Poppy.

"Hera Mummy, for you" (From the 3 year old)

"What is that? Oh yuck honey, what is that?"

"From my ear-a. I got it out"

"It's earwax hun, get a tissue"

"Is that a bit of hamburger the baby is eating?"

"Yeah"

"As in, hamburger we ate LAST night for tea?"

"Yeah, it's ok, it's still good"

Ok! Looks like the 15 second rule has been stretched out to the 14 hour rule at our house. This could save me a fair amount on the shopping bill.

Yay, another dot point post, what fun!

2011-03-07T17:42:00.003+11:00

Meh, it's Monday, I'm lazy. A few things you may not know about me.

1~ I am lazy. Well you have probably figured that one out already actually. I am the worst kind of lazy. The kind who every now and then gets a burst of motivation and goodness help everyone else who is not as energetic, excited and ready to pop like me.

2~ I am extremely good at short cuts. If there is a short cut with running a large family, housework or anything else I have to do again and again you can bet I have fine tuned it to still get the same quality in a lot less time.

3~ Sometimes I give the kids sandwiches for tea, and sometimes for breaky too.

4~ My all time favourite movie is My Friend Flicka, the original, from 1943. I adore the characters, the horses, love it. I have always loved the Mother in this movie. In once scene she is in a dress cooking up breakfast, and in a later scene she is wearing 'mens clothes' riding a horse and hops off and has a conversation with her husband and another man, holding her own and being respected. I love that the director included these scenes, that were not very contemporary for the time.

5~ I wear tracksuit pants far too much, but they are comfy damn it!

6~ Since cutting out and down on non nutritional food I have lost over 14 kgs. I walk a few times a week to the park or shops but nothing hardcore. This is very telling to me about the size my body is meant to be.
I feel soo much better for it! My energy level is higher, I hardly get a headache anymore, I can get up out of my bed and chair with ease, I can run around with the kids, play ball and push them on their bikes without huffing and puffing, and best of all I can breathe so much easier, it's fantastic.

7~ I don't think I love my children more because we are Home Edders. Really. I am flatter some people think that I think a lot about this, but really, I don't.
So long as others care and love their children with respect and compassion, they're good with me.
My oldest sons best friends go to school, and they get along wonderfully, and have done so for 6 years. I too get along just as well with their Mum who is a very dear friend to me and my family.

8~ I don't have a favourite child. Hand on my heart honest. I have read elsewhere about Mums who do have a favourite, and they believe mothers who say they don't have a favourite are lying and just trying to be nice to all their kids.
I honestly do not. I can't imagine picking one child out of the six. Every child is so different and all of them have their own little ways that make me laugh, or fill my heart with joy and pride.

9~ I do not believe in one size fits all learning philosophies. To say one is the way to go for all children is to discount just how unique our children, and also us as adults learning, are.
The best way of learning is what suits the individual child.
One learning philosophy is not better or superior than another.

10~ One of my favourite memories as a child was laying on the floor in the cool mornings. Watching the Early morning TV and cartoons as the sun shone through the window warming me up. Mr Ed, Leave it to Beaver, Worzel Gummidge and of course The Smurfs!

Honest Motherhood

2011-03-04T23:39:00.001+11:00

We all have intentions as mothers.
Intentions to be good role models for our children.
Intentions to yell less.
Intentions to not sweat the small stuff.
Intentions to cook wholesome meals for or family.
Intentions to listen attentively to our children's questions and wanderings.
Intentions to make the most of every moment with our children.
Intentions to not brush our children off when they say 'Hey Mummy....' for the 243rd time that day.
Intentions to put down what we are doing and go look at the newest, and greatest Mega Lego creation.
Intentions to be the best Mother we can be.

What happens?
Reality? Laziness? Tiredness? The need for time to just sit, alone, with no one asking questions, wanting something, needing us? Things piling up, causing stresses and headaches which in turn leaves us with less patience?

All of the above and more? I'd say yes.

Lately I have felt overwhelmed. Not all the time, but enough for me to sit down at the end of the day, children and hub all asleep, the house quiet, and let out my frustration.
I vent, whinge, sook, let it out.
Then I think about what is happening, why, how, and most importantly if it is not working this way, what can I change? Another just as important question is, could the change need to come from me?

One thing on my mind is yelling. I hate it. I hate how it makes me feel. I hate how I know it makes the children feel, and Hub too.
Usually it is over the floor. Pencils, food, toys, shoes, clothes, staples, sticky tape, blu-tak, books, cups, cutlery, paper, pillows, substances now unrecognisable.
It really drives me nuts, or really I allow it to drive me nuts. I have 6 children, hello? of course there is going to be crap all over the place.

Lately I have made a few tweaks and reminded myself to breathe deeply when I see stuff all over the floor, rooms and stairs.
It's not easy, I'm still getting there, and no doubt will always be working on it.
I am finding more ways for everything to have it's own home. This is what works best for us so far. Slowly over time we have added furniture, boxes, corner nooks, little tables and tubs for all our stuff.
The kids are able to see something on the floor and know where it lives when it is not being used.

Then there is working on me. I don't think I will every be truly zen. Are any mothers?
I actually don't want to even try.
Of course I don't want my kids to see a raving lunatic mother yelling over a Mr Potato Head moustache like it was the end of the earth, but I also don't want them seeing me as something I am not.
I want them to see my emotions. I want them to know emotions are good and healthy. But an emotion that can be frightful or scary, for both Mumma and child is not good. Yelling, and feeling out of control is not good.
This is mine to sort through and work on.

When I have yelled or lost control and become frustrated I quickly recognise it and stop, feeling horrible. Take a deep breath, and say sorry to my kids for losing it. Telling them that it's ok to get frustrated and angry and upset, but not ok to take it out on others.
A parent apologising to their child is important. For the child and the parent.

I adore my children, and have a love for them I never knew was possible. I know that when I am angry or frustrated it is not about them. I am the parent, the adult. It is about me and trying to work out the tools I need to help me.

As well as being more organised with our stuff another thing I have added in is going out once a month with some of women friends. Just a few hours to go to dinner or a movie, talking, laughing, venting and supporting each other.
I appreciate being able to do this, and feel much better after my night out.

Being more organised, having time for me and adding more rhythm to our house and the running of it is helping.
Baby steps.

Three

2011-02-20T02:26:00.003+11:00

The first time you looked into my eyes. I was saying hello to you and you opened your eyes wider and looked into mine. A moment etched into my memory like it was yesterday.
This photo is so very special to me. Our wonderful Doula took it while Daddy and all your siblings leaned beside us looking at you, so excited to meet you.

Here you are at 6 months wearing a 'royal crown' made by your older siblings. They were having a wonderful time this day making hats and crowns. You, as usual, smiled the whole time.

Sisters. Here you are with your big sister. You can get along like a house on fire, but also can fight like crazy on the odd occasion. You love playing with together making cubbies, dressing up and playing with your babies. The kind of games the older boys are not really into anymore. Although they will amuse you and sit in your cubby made with the table and lots of blankets, which is cute to see.
I do hope so much that you and your sisters will be close as you all grow up together. It is such a special bond.

On your 3rd birthday you wanted to go to the library and the park. So it was! We go to the library every week and you love it. Piling up the books on the seat beside me and handing them one at a time for me to read to you. Some times you will stop half way through and hand me another book.
Only those close to us know the true fire cracker you can be. You are the little mouse that roared. You don't care how big anyone is, if you have a problem with them you let them know!
This can be frustrating, as you can scream, squeal or shout very loud. Not so good when you are sitting right behind me while I am driving.

You love telling people who bought you what. "Daddy bought this for me" "Mummy bought tis for me" and at times "I bought this for me" to which I will act surprised and say "You bought it? wow, did you go to the shops?" and you will say "Yes, I did" and raise your eyebrows as you do. It is so cute. You have such animated expressions, it often makes us laugh. Your eldest brother can never be mad at you as you make him laugh when you are yelling at him. He thinks you are adorable.

Another cute quirk you do at the moment is to say "I can't" I will ask you to pick up something, or put some rubbish in the bin, put your thongies on, shut the sliding door, basically anything you can do. But you will slump your body and pull a face and exclaim "I can't!"
You also throw in a reason at times, such as your legs are broken, or your leg hurts, or that you just can't move.
When you 'can't move' you will put your arms in the air and say "Carry Me" which we all usually do, your older brothers included. They just laugh at you and will pick you up, or give you a piggy back.

You have only been 3 for a few weeks, yet somehow it is like switch has be turned on, ramping up your quirks a bit more. You have been squealing and screaming louder and more often. Crying and being very upset very easily and over such little things, such as someone else walking in the door first. But these are clearly big things to you, so we take a deep breath and try to talk to you, or cuddle you, whatever helps at the time.

You are an absolute joy and we are all so glad to have you in our fun and crazy family.
I'm looking forward to the next year and watching you grow.

12

2011-02-10T23:40:00.004+11:00

A lot happens in the first 12 months of a child's life. From snuggled against our chests, to crawling and for some even walking by the 1st birthday. In my opinion you can never take enough photographs, nor have enough cuddles and kisses.

We make a big deal about birthdays in our house. Of course we love and adore our children year round, but we love that we all have a special day, the day we were born and changed the world forever. With several children it also means the other children get excited too, for their own birthdays but also for their siblings, which I love to see. Sneaking into the birthday persons room early in the morning and waking them up by yelling Happy Birthday at them, and of course the obligatory gently jumping on them.
The day is spent as a family, at various places, depending on the weather and where the birthday child would like to go. We also have a special dinner and cake, again what the birthday person wants, within reason of course. For example I love that they have confidence in my level of baking skills, but some of the cakes they want, wow!

The last birthday in our family is our youngest member. You love it when I talk in cliches so I will indulge you again. In so many ways it feels like yesterday, but also feels like she has been here forever.
Her birth was as unique as she is. Proving to me that I did not know it all about labour and birth thank you very much, and that babes can and do turn right before being born.
She was so welcomed and loved the moment she was born.

My precious dark haired, chubba bubba. Locking eyes on eachother for the first time, after knowing eachother for a long time.

One week old with her namesake, my Grandmother. A woman I adore, admire and look up to in so many ways. A woman who raised young children before television, play dates, modern speedy appliances and a washing machine. I love hearing her talk about raising a family, and life 'back then'
I love that when I told her I was having another baby she laughed and said "Oh Clare, you're catching up to me, how wonderful. Are you having this baby at home too? It's so lovely to be at home isn't it?"

6 months old and where she still loves to be, on Mumma's back. I so love baby wearing, and how much easier it makes mothering several children. I especially love it in winter, babe and Mumma keeping eachother warm.

On her 1st Birthday. We took her to an animal sanctuary and she had a wonderful time, we all did. Here she is hamming it up for the camera. It never ceases to amaze me how she knows what a camera is, and how she pulls faces and laughs as soon as I grab it.

We visit our library every week, it is quaint and lovely. The librarians know ua by name and make an effort to get to know all the children. We all enjoy going. On our recent visit I noticed the book 'Hello Baby' on the shelf beside the table. I laughed when the older children pointed it out and thought it was marvelous that our library had it.
As I always do I put Bub down and looked at the Junior section with the older children. When I turned around I saw she had not only climbed up into the chair, but had grabbed the book and had it in front of her. So of course what a great photo opportunity!

I am still totally besotted with this little being. She is so close to walking. Her brothers and sisters all love watching and encouraging her, clapping and laughing with glee as she stands up and takes a few wobbly steps. She will fall on her bum and whack her hand against her forehead and laugh.

She is quite demanding about food now, and wiggles and reaches her hands up beside her seat reminding us to not forget about her. It is so cute having her sit at the table and nibble away on food.

She is growing up so fast, which I love, but also wish she would slow down. I tell her there is no rush, no need to walk and talk in a hurry. She just pokes my eyes or nose and laughs.

Where to Start?!

2011-01-20T22:04:00.000+11:00

I know, it has been far too long. 4 weeks is a long time between drinks!

We have been so busy the last month and a bit. Any free days in between have been spent lazing about eating icy-poles or swimming.

I will use dot points as there is just so much that has happened. A few of these deserve their own posts, and I am working on that.

~ Miss I thought she was only a few months old turned ONE! Ugh, I won't bore you with my usual carry on about kids and bloody growing.

~ Hub started a new job the week before Christmas. Yes, we are crazy. We live on the edge and jump at opportunities that may seem nuts, but heck, why not!
Hub is loving his new job and there is a big difference in his mood now. It's always hard leaving a job you are comfy in, but we feel it is also important to enjoy your work, and not forget that emotional health is just as important for well being.
I am so proud of Hub, for his courage and determination to move on and find another job. And still being there for me and the munchkins.

~ Christmas. Can you say crazy?

~ 2nd Christmas. Due to the fact we forgot the presents and really didn't want to drive the hour and a half back home to get them, and the return hour and a half to get back to my parentals.
We decided to have a 2nd Christmas at my bother and sister-in-laws house. It was a brilliant day.

~ Gorgeous babies being born. There really is nothing lovelier than a precious baby. I feel so blessed to have worked with some of the mums with care and breastfeeding help. Even with 6 children there is still much to learn about feeding, and being able to help other mothers. But I am determined, passionate and have a strong desire to help others. I know my beginning journey with feeding would have been so much smoother if I had the help. Then again I may not have become as passionate and fiery as I am now had that journey been any other way.

~ New Years Eve/Day. We went to bed before midnight. Oh my gosh. Yes we did. When, how, did we become old farts? Last I checked other 31 year olds were up late, drinking and having fun.
I always look forward to the new year. Fresh beginnings. There was a big group of people partying and ringing in the new year. We figured we would know it was midnight soon enough. And we did. All the cheering, and laughter and shouting of 'Happy New Year!'
Bring on 2011 I say!

~The Nevus Camp/Conference which was held in Adelaide. We all had a wonderful time. Our little man was so cute and sad when we had to leave. He was so sad that he would miss his 'birthmark buddies'
The children had so much fun together. And the parents had a great time being able to ask each other questions, learn more and be able to relax and chat with other parents who get it.
(This needs a post on it's own. It will be big)

~Starting to get details for our house. I have several contacts and a list of information we need to get started on the first steps of building our 'dream home'.
I am so excited. Sometimes it feels it will never happen, time is dragging. It feels so far away. Like a vision for down the track.
But now we are down the track. And this house is not going to build itself.
There is lots of work to do, and lots of phone calls and meetings, and no doubt fights and tears and whining, but I am excited!

~ The kids activities are have started. Back into it! Swimming, Basketball and this year Archery! Hub will be taking the young Archers as he is keen to give it a try too. Have fun!

Among all that there was visits with friends, birth day parties, family gatherings, packing and unpacking for trips, tired parents and at times cranky kids, but over all we had a wonderful time and are looking forward to finding our rhythm to our home again.
We will have another week or so of 'holiday mode' then get back into it. Well, I have a few syllabus to write and scanning, printing and books to be delivered first. Those things help a little when you have 4 people doing Home Ed this year!

I will do my best to get the other blog posts up ASAP. I now have a LOT of other blogs to catch up on!

Exhausted

2010-12-20T17:51:00.002+11:00

I have not felt this tired in so long. We have packed in so much in the last few weeks. All fun, enjoyable, wonderful things. Ending for me with our baby's first birthday party. Ending for Hub who started a new job the next day after the party.
Yes, I am starting to think we either attract chaos, enjoy it and just keep doing stuff so it never ends, or the universe is having fun with us.

Whatever it is I am ready for a break now. Ah yes, I hear you laugh. It's Christmas in a few days! Ok so I'll have a break after Christmas and New Year. Hmm nup, can't do that either! As we have the Nevus Conference and Camp right after. We are driving there. The estimation is between 10 to 12 hours. Fun! Chaos.

February, how does that sound? Good. Universe, nothing is happening in February, mkay? Sweet.

As I mentioned the 'Baby' turned one. I'm not ready to talk about it. I wil be back later tonight to whinge, sook, whine, bask in the joyfulness of our youngest baby and the First Birthday!

Procrastination

2010-12-15T13:56:00.002+11:00

I have a Masters Degree in Procrastination. I am so good at it, it scares me at times.
At the moment I am sitting on my arse looking up random crap on the computer.
What I could and should be doing is....

~ Washing, including folding two loads and putting them away.

~ Cleaning the kitchen and dining

~ Sorting out the list of presents that need to be bought

~ Staying away from Book Depository. Fuck I love that store!

~ Clearing all the random crap all over the front and back yards and either tossing them in the bin, cleaning them or putting them where they need to go. Random crap includes, a light sabre, spoons, cups, bowls, bikes, paper planes that have come to a crash landing and are now soggy in the rain, empty plastic water bottles and a sock.

~ Filing all the paperwork I have all over the house.

~ Getting the kids ready for swimming and packing the bag.

~ Writing a list of what we need for the Birthday Party this weekend. I am kind of in denial about this still. If I push it aside it means it's not happening right?

~ Checking to see if the kids have done a half decent job of cleaning out the bus.

Lots for me to do! Yeah, but no, I just can't be bovered.

Book Depository(no this is not a paid post, I just freaking love them) has soooo many books I want. It is a tad embarrassing how long my wish list is.
I am also lusting over some books for the older boys. Next year they are wanting to do more Geography and History. Which is great as I can mix them together and cover several subjects/topics in one day. Sweet!

I am also checking all the things for the Nevus Camp. I am so excited about it for our little man. A Dolphin visit, movies, visit to the zoo and lots of fun activities for kids. We will be taking a LOT of photos!
Amongst all the birthday and Christmas stuff to organise I then have the Camp to get ready, packed and organised for less than 2 weeks later!

I really don't have enough to do. Maybe we should have another baby.

In a Funk

2010-12-09T11:43:00.002+11:00

I am in such a funk at the moment. I am told it is because Mercury is in renegade until the 30th by some people, others tell me I have 6 kids, so um der, others tell me I should put the kids in school then, ha! smile and wave at that one! and others who know me and my ways well tell me to HTFU and start making changes to what I want my life to be.
I wonder if there is something in all of the above. Maybe.

I feel tired within an hour of getting up. I am forgetting to take my vitamin tablet everyday as I am not in my morning routine. The washing is seriously multiplying, clothes basket shenanigans happening at night for sure.

I am stuck in 'I can't be bothered' mode and I want out. We have visitors coming this weekend (yay!) and next weekend we have the BABY'S first birthday and party. Yes, baby. Still a baby to me. Then a week later, Christmas.

I have no choice but to drag my bum out of bed now and get cracking, or it all will not get done.
Writing lists helps me too. Even if I lose the list ten minutes later. Having written things out helps me feel organised.

So, first thing that would be the biggest help is turning off the computer! Yep, it's a hard one, but as Rose Hancock once said "Tough Titties."

Fat, Husky, Big, Obese, Cuddly, Just More of Me to Love?

2010-12-02T15:03:00.003+11:00

So, if you don't know already, I am a lot of the time lazy, and a big procrastinator. I do get motivated to do things that I love and am passionate about.
Mostly I like to do the least amount of work but still deliver a great result. Take the washing for example. I put it all on the line in groups of what goes to what room. So Me, Hub and Bub together, all boys together, and girls together. When it is all dry I fold them and put them in the basket. Then walk inside and it all gets put away. Easy peasy. Least effort, great result!

But back to the topic. Weight is a very popular issue, and has been for a very long time. I assume it will be for the future also.
It seems that no matter what your size, there is always someone there to critique it. It's like being pregnant. I remember with my third child. I was out shopping and had 3 people comment on my size. One said I looked small for 5 months. One said I was huge, and was I sure there wasn't twins, and the other, bless her said wow you look great!

So, like anything, it is all in the eye of the beholder. But what really matters is the person themselves. How they feel about themselves.

There is much debate about our size. Some people say we should focus on being healthy at ever size, some say we should all accept fat, some say we should all have 8 glasses of water a day and exercise for 30 minutes for times a week, some say we should 'think' our fat away, and throw in a shit load more opinions.

Basically, and this it meant to disrespect others, I say it without harshness or rudeness, but I honestly do not give a shit about other people and what size they are. I have enough on my plate to worry about and organise without adding other people and something as petty as their size, into the mix.

I also, am now at a point in my life were the person on the inside is what I care about. 50kgs or 100kgs, I don't care, so long as you are respectful to me, we are sweet. I really mean that.
Once upon a time I was very rude, harsh and judgemental about other people and their body size. I was also quite thing, fit and had not had any children and only myself to worry about.

Since then I have been pregnant 7 times, gained and lost and gained and lost a shit load of weight. My body has changed after every babe. I have also more importantly, learnt a lot of empathy, compassion, understanding, and getting to know people well and all the fantastic things they do and have to offer the world.
Part of learning this was having others judge me when being pregnant, and just after having a baby. True friends could care less about my size, they knew me well and loved me for who I was.
Those who treated me otherwise, well, who knows where they are now!

I do care about size though, when it starts to affect me physically. When my weight is very low or very high my body reacts in the same ways. I can't sleep at night, despite being desperately tired, I am sluggish, I am cranky and snappy too easily, I can hardly walk up 15 stairs, huffing by the time I am at the top, my eyes look dull and my skin looks grey, I also have an overwhelming 'Can't be stuffed' attitude about most things.

Now, it is not size alone that contributes to this. What I eat, or don't eat plays a big part. The connection is pretty easy to make. I don't eat much at all, and when I do it it highly processed, with no nutrition and I everything mentioned above, happens along with a plummeting weight.
On the other hand, when I eat a lot, and a lot of processed, no nutritional foods the weight goes up and up and yup, all those physical changes happen, leaving me feeling miserable.

I know, for my body, if my weight is at either extreme, I start to suffer physically. And I don't care what anyone says about size, this is not good.
My weight only ever goes to either extreme when I am eating shit food, basically, and not moving in the day, at all. And yes, I do categorise foods.
Some people out there so we shouldn't do it. They say we should eat whatever we want when we want.
Well I have done that, several times in my life, and look where I end up every single time?

I love hot and greasy foods, I love chips and chocolate and cola, I love crackers and dip, I love sweets and lollies. iI I eat nothing but this and I start piling on the kilos it ends up the same. Tired, cranky, breathless walking the house to the letterbox, surely everyone would agree this is not good for my body.

What I am doing is eating better. I am choosing to eat more whole foods, and vegetables. I am choosing to add more variety into my meals and yes, I will use the word, I am choosing 'healthier' foods.

Never fear though, I am still enjoying all those foods I love. Just not every day, and not a lot.
I want my children, especially my daughters to see me eating well, and that includes having chocolate, hot chips or coke now and then.

For several months now I have been eating this way, healthier, but not cutting 'bad foods' out. Healthy includes foods we love.
I am sleeping better at night, I am getting up earlier and actually getting out of bed, not laying there wanting to stay in bed all day, I can walk up the stairs in my house and am not puffing before reaching the top, my mood is better and my skin and eyes look better.
What also helps is moving during the day, getting jobs done, walking with the kids. They LOVE going for walks, and being out with their parents.
When I am not well I can't do this. Yet another factor, a very important one, that pushes me to live my life better.

As I said earlier, this size/weight/health/whatever, is about me, about how my size and eating has affected my quality of life. When I was anorexic I was told I looked great. When I am morbidly obese I was told to accept my fat and that I looked great.
Thankfully I am now at a point where I know what makes me look great is not my size or shape, but how I physically feel and how much I am able to enjoy my life. When I feel great on the inside it shows on the outside, no matter my size.

Updates in dot point form

2010-11-29T12:48:00.002+11:00

~ The raffle is over. I had a wonderful time doing it, but am glad it is now over and the prizes have all been handed out bar one, which I am giving to the wonderful winner on Wednesday.
I am still overwhelmed at all the wonderful, kind, generous people who donated such lovely prizes for our raffle. I will always be so humbled and grateful.

~ Hub is starting a new job in a few weeks. We are both very excited and very happy that it will mean we can start plans for building our home sooner.

~ I have had a sore shoulder for 10 months now, and finally went to my Doc on Friday. I am off for xrays and ultrasounds tomorrow. I only go to the Doctors when I really need to, and the time had come for this to be checked out and a plan put in place.

~ My older children are emailing me links to presents they would like. Gone are the days for these two of looking over catalogues that come in the mail and circling what they want. Hello technology!

~ My baby is turning One in just a few weeks! I am in total denial about it, and her walking along furniture and walking holding onto our hands. I keep thinking she is only a few months old, surely.
We are having a little gathering here to celebrate. Looking forward to that.

~ I learnt today some awesome friends are coming to a Home Ed camp next year, that we are also going to. Uber excited about that!

~ My ten year old is loving cooking and a few times now has cooked the evening meal for us all with simple guiding here and there. He keeps asking to cook, so we are sometimes reluctantly saying yes. I say reluctantly as he makes a huge mess. He is leaning to clean up properly.

~ This Spring has been shocking to so many peoples health, including us. Colds, sniffles, coughs, runny noses and feeling run down. Here is hoping the weather settles down soon.

~ Next time I go shopping I am taking headphones with me. Christmas music makes me feel nauseous.

~ I am steering clear as much as I can of shopping centres this year. I already know the gifts I need to buy and Hub will be getting them in a couple of weeks on his own. Get in, get out. Hopefully.

~ The next 6 weeks are going to be crazy. If I drank I think I would stay tipsy the whole time. At least I have chocolate and orange jelly beans!

~ I only have one more set of books to order and some printing to do and we will have all our books for next year. Sweet! I found an awesome wall calendar the other day. Nice and big, a month to a page and only $4.50. Everything will be written on that so when the kids start a sentence with "What are we doing......" I will just point to the calendar.

~ I have been thinking a lot lately about learning a second language. This craze comes and goes with me. I have gone through this many times for as long as I can remember, and feel that really I like the 'idea' more than the reality.
I do have the desire to travel in the future, just me and hub and will settle for learning some words and phrases when the time comes.

~ I have felt very unmotivated lately. In my head I am full of energy and keeping up with everything. But the reality is different. I am hoping I can turn this around soon, as I feel better with energy and able to keep up with things.

She is on the move

2010-11-21T18:25:00.002+11:00

Yes, I know. I am in shock and denial too.
Our wee baby, who really, was only born a few months ago yes? Is walking along the furniture.
What is it with kids and their incessant need to grow so fast!

It turns out the babe is 11 months. Yeah, sigh. She is freaking amazing. My heart almost bursts every time she smiles, laughs, squeals, claps her hands with delight...ok, so basically when she breathes, she is that adorable.

We are having a little Birthday Party for her in a month. Her 1st Birthday! WTF?
I know, you'd think I'd be down with the whole kids grow up thing by now. But I'm not, despite loving every stage the children go through and enjoy watching them grow and develop.

I cherish this time so much, and take thousands of pics to remember how squishy and cute they were as babies.

I will put some pics of of our 'baby' in a few days. She is not feeling the best at the moment and is wanting to just laze about and be fussed over by her siblings.

What was I saying?

2010-11-18T11:11:00.002+11:00

Oh yeah, kids are the best sharers with illness. Yup! So now we have 3 kids down and another with a runny nose. Spring is always a rough time with the weather changing so much. Warm, sunny and lovely one day, freezing cold and raining the next.

Bring on Summer! Heads up though, I will no doubt be whinging about how hot I am in a months time. Never happy I know. Warm days with a slight breeze, that's what I like!

Tonight I am off to sell more tickets for the raffle! Hub took a raffle book to work yesterday and is almost finished selling every ticket! Go Hub.

We also have more prizes and more donations from locals. Which is fantastic. I really am so touched by how generous people are.

We are now half way to our goal! So exciting. Don't forget if you would like to help contribute to the Children's camp please go here.
Every amount helps, and every cent goes to the Camp!

Murphey's Law

2010-11-16T17:59:00.002+11:00

Is not the Law most people think it is.
"Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong" is actually Finagle's Law.

So With lots going on lately the washing has slipped behind. Well, really, it's always behind. Meh, it's not going anywhere right?

I made the huge mistake of feeling great that all the towels were washed, folded and put away. We have a lot of towels, this was a great moment. I should have known not be so cocky.

Last night the 2 year old vomited. A LOT! After stripping the bed we laid down a towel for her just in case. We did this about 8 times. Really, she is a wee thing. I have no clue how she had that much in her.
Then this morning, 15 minutes before Hub's alarm went off, we woke up to our sick toddler crying out. More mess, but this time not vomit. If you get my drift.

So in the shower she went with hub. And then clean clothes and back to bed, on more layers of towels and a bowl there ready.
Several hours later and there has been more washing, more bowl clean outs, lots of sleeping and a not very happy toddler.

Looks like tomorrow shall be just like today, if he child sharing rule applies. The rule being kids are the most awesome sharers, with illness.

Things I Know

2010-11-12T18:00:00.002+11:00

Asked by Shae at Yay for home!

~ Nothing in my life has tested my patience more than my children. (especially with things involving safety, life and death moments)

~ At some point in parenting you will hear yourself spurting to your children the exact same phrase your parents said to you. (As soon as the words pass your lips you will think "Fuck!" in your head)

~ No matter how skilled a parent you think you are, or how superior you may feel after years of parenting, a child vomiting on your legs and shoes, or pooing on your hip as you hurry them to the loo, or wee shooting you in the eye, will bring you down a peg or two to reality. In the end we have all been wee'd on, pooed on and vomited on. There really are no levels of parenting.

~ A person giving the advice to tell a 20 month old how important it is for them to keep their arms in their car straps either has a freaky, never moving or talking child, or no children at all.

~ Heed my warning. This with children, open a savings account when they are babies. A special account called "Money to have when my kid breaks other people stuff, property, furniture, etc"
The 8 year old broke a friends window today. I felt awful that my first thought was about the window, and how it was another persons house, then moved on to my son and his bleeding arm.
My friend however, went straight to my son, bless her.
This is not the first time something has been broken, and it will not be the last.

~ The Kindness of Strangers can have you sobbing like a baby. I am overwhelmed, so thankful and in awe of the people who have donated goods and money to the paypal donations account so the Nevus Camp next year can happen. Our goal is $500 and we are already at $200!
I am selling tickets at as many places as I can between now and the draw on November 25th.
Fingers crossed we make our goal, or even pass it!!

~ The first strong day of hear and humidity will bring the banshee. "Stop touching me!" "Move away from me" "Don't breathe near me" "I'm hooooooooooooot" (And that was just me)

~I miss central cooling, a LOT!!

Thank you

2010-11-07T18:51:00.003+11:00

Thank you so much to everyone who has posted my previous post all over the net, twitter, Facebook, blogs etc Hub and I appreciate it so much.

We received an email from the reporter who came to do a story on our son and the camp/conference and the fundraising we are all doing to make it happen. She told us he will be on the front page!! I am so excited. This camp means so much to all the Nevus families and this will be fantastic to spread the word about it, and also for others to know the support is there.

Anyone out there if you can link back to my previous post, (and if you want copy the button of our gorgeous boy on the top left side and put it on your blog) we would be over the moon with appreciation!

Thank you to those who have donated prizes to our raffle, and also money which goes to the camp. You all rock!

Not to get too sappy, but I don't think most people get, and that is understandable, just how difficult, hard and trying life can be for our little guy and us. We are seen by others as having our shit together, working well together ans hub and I as an awesome team who are doing a fantastic job.
While this is partly true we are also human. We struggle with lots of things, have low times, hard time and worry about our children.

This camp/conference is a very big deal for us and all the Nevus families, especially the children who are affected.
We feel so thankful to those who are helping make this happen. I have cried several times since we began our fundraising mission at the generosity and kindness of others.

Day 31 with shameless begging

2010-10-31T22:34:00.006+11:00

So here we are, the last day of Blogtoberfest 2010. I must say I have really enjoyed the experience. Some days were challenging, finding something to post about, but it's all good. I have read lots of blogs in the last 31 days, met lots of new and interesting people and also discovered some gorgeous work from others, be it painting, drawing, craft and others.
I am looking forward to next year.

Today I am using the last day as an opportunity to spread the word and also ask for help in making a dream come true. I have posted before about our little man and the condition he has, Congenital Melanocytic Nevus, and what he has been through so far.

The support group here in Australia has been fantastic for him, us and the whole family really. Talking with other parents, asking for help and advice, learning about the latest information, and finding out about doctors and hospitals and care. The support group is small, but fantastic. They are invaluable. As Nevus is quite rare, our group is small, compared to many other charities and organisations that help children and families with medical conditions.
Everyone who helps is a volunteer. Everything is done in peoples spare time.

Every two years the group organises a camp and conference. We call it The Big Bash. The last was held in Sydney in 2008. It was fantastic, for all of us. The children met others with Nevus and talked about their lives. The parents met other parents, and talked about what life is like, doctors, surgery, hospitals, other people staring, how to cope, and lots more.
We parents were part of the conference, meeting doctors in the field and learning about the latest research and information across the world.

While the conference for the parents was happening the children were busy drawing, painting, and being entertained with performers. They had a wonderful time.

The camp/conference is funded entirely by all the Nevus families and donations. We fund raise over the 2 years to make the Big Bash possible.
The next Big Bash will be in Adelaide in January 2011. We are all very excited and looking forward to catching up with friends, and meeting new children and families who have joined us in the last 2 years.

Iam holding a raffle in my corner of the world and it will be drawn November 25th. I am overwhelmed with how generous and wonderful people truly are, donating their time and prizes to our raffle.

As well as the raffle I am sending a call out here for help for donations to the Big Bash 2011.
Every cent donated will go straight to the running of the Big Bash. Every one involved is a volunteer and all give their time so generously.

To donate there are several options. You can visit Nevus Support Australia and donate via cheque, Money Order or Direct Deposit. The lovely Michelle Sibbons started and runs the group. If you are able to donate let her know I sent you.

You can also donate through paypal by clicking on the link on this blog on the top right hand side.

I would also really appreciate it if you could link back to this post, on your blog, to spread the word about our goal to make this happen! You can also click on the button apwool made, on the top left and put it on your blog and link back to this post too. Anything done to help raise for the children is greatly appreciated.

I will post updates about the raffle and also how the fundraising is going.

My Funny Little Man

2010-10-30T15:36:00.004+11:00

This boy, pushes me to the edge with every emotion. My heart bursts with love and pride for him at times. And other times I get so frustrated with his screaming and '4 year old ness' I think I might explode.
He is the most energetic, loud and boisterous of all the children, proving that the birth does not have anything to do with personality. Of all my births, his was the most gentle, quiet, and just really beautiful. (Don't get me wrong, it was still bloody hard work!) He is FULL of life and if his life was a TV ad, it would be Pepsi Max, remember those extreme ads?

He is also sensitive to others, loving, and gentle. Even when he is upset at his 2 year old sister, he will screw up his face and say 'Ohh bubby, no no" It is cute to watch.

He makes me laugh so much, and is very animated. Above are just a few of his many faces. He loves the camera, and insists on seeing every single picture taken of him. And when I turn the camera around for him to see, every single time he will laugh and say "Nawwwwwww"

He is a crack up, and when he is not here the house is extra quiet, but we miss him still.

Yesterday was such a day. Hub took him for his check up with his surgeon. As the surgeon expected our little man will need a few more minor surgeries done. The next one will be around his eye and eyebrow. So he is back on the waiting list again. Which is in some ways disturbingly normal to us now. On the list, wait, go in for surgery, home, back in to surgery, recover, second verse same as the first.

It certainly does not get any easier though. Every time is hard, for all of us, us as parents, him going through it, and his siblings too, seeing their brother go through it and for them to be understanding and considerate, something which can be hard for young children.

But we take a few (many) deep breaths and soldier on. Life doesn't slow down. You have to keep moving forward!

After the surgery visit hub and our little man went to Hubs work for the rest of the day. Apparently the son who can run around all day, scream at the top of his lungs and drive us crazy, was an absolute angel. Several people spoiling him with snacks and lollies, and comments on what a gorgeous child he is.

Hub said he was happy drawing and watching movies on the laptop and really well behaved.

I said then our job is done if the kids are only little asshats at home, and a pleasure out in public.

My Quilt Square

2010-10-29T17:58:00.004+11:00

I posted last week about the Quilt Square for a wonderful Mama who is welcoming a new baby very soon.

Here it is. I did not have a hoop small enough so I used freehand to embroider. It still turned out great, but the hoop really does help that extra bit.

The Mama has a photo of her and her daughter and when I saw this drawing it made me think of them.

Just as a woman's heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and
her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth.
Virginia Di Orio

Blessings, love and strength to you Mama Owlet.

Art by Water on Concrete

2010-10-28T19:51:00.005+11:00

The Spring 2010 Collection

This is titled The Baby.

The next two are the same piece, titled 'Fy-a Pow-a' inspired by the movie 'A Night at the Museum 2'

Here is the artist demonstrating with his work

A disclaimer

2010-10-27T23:34:00.001+11:00

From yesterday's post, a small disclaimer.

I have nothing against anything organic, be it food, clothing or any other. My issue is with such things being seen as the gold standard of parenting, rather than a complement of parenting itself.

Any more questions, feel free to ask.

In other news I have completed my red square and am both excited about it, and in a silly way, a tad embarrassed. My piece is very novice, but I enjoyed doing it, and am pleased with how it looks.
When the wonderful Mumma has the square I will post a picture.

Mother guilt and Mother pressure

2010-10-26T21:23:00.002+11:00

Our world today is so much harder on Mothers but also a lot easier. We have modern conveniences to help our days go smoother. Washing machines, dish washers, clothes dryers, vacuum cleaners, not to mention the myriad of foods we can purchase from the supermarket.

We know more about health and development of our children. We know more about the effect of treating children and others poorly.
Most of us do our best with what we have at the time.

And yet somehow along the way, this is not enough, for some of us. We feel guilty if the kids have McDonalds or Hungry Jacks and feel the need to quickly say how the day before they had home made organic yogurt with fresh made granola followed by apples and strawberries picked from the garden.

Why? Because the pressure is so bloody great amongst Mothers and society. Pressure to give our children the so called best of everything. Happy Mummy, who has the house clean in case visitors pop in, washing all done, children all happy, playing nicely in their organic hand made clothes, snacking on organic food and sipping water that came from the tank outside beside the veggie patch, cause that's best too you know. Let's not get started on the must have 'educational' toys that children just can't live without.

Mothers of my Nana's generation lead quite different lives. In their day if the child ate 3 meals a day, had clothes on their back, shoes on their feet and a roof over their heads that was the best. That was enough.
Of course there would still have been pressures no doubt. But from what I can tell from Mothers of this generation talking to me, it is much greater now. They tell me how Mothers today worry too much, about little things that don't matter.

What happens when Mothers feel the guilt and pressure of being the best mother they can? We crack, we get depressed, feel angry, upset that we are not doing as good as we could. This is magnified too for many mothers who feel isolated.
Never before have we been so close in contact with the world, and yet still alone. The Internet and telephone have others at our finger tips. I love modern technology. How I can blog, email and be in contact with so many others. It can be a farce though. Others giving of themselves only what they want them to know. We can be anyone we want. Any kind of mother we want.

We do this because we want to be seen in good light. That we are doing all these wonderful, honourable things for our families, and have it all together.
I understand this. I myself do it in some ways. Wanting too for others to see the great parts of my life only.
And then I see toys all over the floor, half eaten bread rolls under the table, apple cores behind the couch, wee everywhere but IN the bowl, finger prints all over the windows, milk spilled through the fridge,and a huge pile of washing whispering to me to fold it.
Ah the flipside of reality. Hiding in the shadows, not always seen but there, and we know it.

I think in some ways mothers are scared. I know I am time to time. Scared of being judged. Scared that I am not doing everything I should, or could be doing for my children, and myself too. Scared that my children will be pissed off at me when they are older and angry at all the things I did or didn't do.

A person can make themselves sick with the pressure, worry and guilt. this is not healthy and it needs to stop.
Let go of the guilt, it does not serve you.
Let's get back to basics and focus on what our children and families really need, and not what others tell us we must have, want or be. (I don't believe children will be smarter if they listen to Mozart in utero)

Lets be there for each other, without judgement. A chat on the phone, a catchup at the park, babysitting children, passing on clothes, being honest, and most importantly in my opinion, validating each other and the perils we go though as mothers.
That is the crux of it. Feeling validated and listened to by our fellow Mother friends.
Being a Mum today is hard enough. Let's cut ourselves some slack and be there for the highs and the lows.

My name is Clare and some days my children eat cereal for tea, have food stains on their clothes, stay up til midnight and are lucky to have a bath twice a week. My home is lived in and it shows. I am who I am and that is good enough.

Growing Up

2010-10-25T23:23:00.002+11:00

I knew the time was coming. I have been watching it with other children for a few years now.
The youngest to start that I knew was 3 years old. That's so young I thought.

I don't know why exactly have issues or a problem with it. But I do dammit. It means another step closer to adulthood, and another step away from being a baby, toddler, little.

What is it? It is my older kids asking if they can be like their friends and call Hub and I "Mum and Dad'

I think the reason I have been hesitant is because I think once they older ones start then the littles will follow soon after, and they are just baybeeees!

I'm not ready!
But they are, and so I will take a deep breath and embrace this next stage.
I know it seems like not much to others, but when you have a child pushing teenage hood faster than you would like, everything seems a big step.

Life, always moving forward. Whether we like it or not.

Slack 'n' Lazy Sunday Post

2010-10-24T23:06:00.002+11:00

Yeah I know, what a surprise right. I'm tired and ready for bed. We had a car trip with far too many stops. I am certain we hit double digits. Three of these was for a vomit stop. TMI yep, but hey, details are important.

We have an inspection on Tuesday, so I have put away a huge pile of clothes hub washed and folded. Bless his cotton socks. It would have been at least 7 loads all up. The biggest problem is the 6 year old, as I have mentioned before.
I cleaned every corner of her room, with her there, so I could remind her how much easier it is when the room is at least clear of clothes. She has a huge chest of drawers and wardrobe. Use them!

So tomorrow I have the fun job of putting away the last of the clothes, toys, and general crap and taping the kids to the couch until the inspection is over. Kidding of course! But that doesn't mean the thought didn't cross my mind. Just for a second.

I have so much on right now. Lots of small things, that together take up a lot of my time. Finding a surveyor to get the ball rolling on our house, a raffle I am organising (more on that soon), sorting out the budget for next year(yes I get organised early. Budgeting is VERY important to us and the flow of our family.) and don't get me started on Christmas!!

Til tomorrow!

Their own style

2010-10-23T23:57:00.001+11:00

Some of our kids drive me bat shit crazy over clothes. One in particular can change up to ten times a day. I am totally OK with this, SO LONG as the clothes that have been worn for 5 seconds get put away! Washing is my Nemesis. I freaking hate it.

I do love the combinations of outfits the kids come up with though. Our 2 year old has a thing for goggles. She loves them. Once she wore a pair on her head for an entire day. The eye bits on her forehead, not on her eyes all day.
She loves all colours and believes anything goes. The colour wheel she is not privvy too yet.
It certainly makes life more interesting, and fun too.

Should she be swimming and a freak snow storm appears, she is ready.

Day 22 blues ~ Scrambling for things to say

2010-10-22T21:35:00.003+11:00

What to write about. I guess the correct term is really, type. What to type about.

I have lots of things swirling around my head at the moment. I have a blessingway to attend tomorrow for a wonderful mumma pregnant with twins! How wonderful. One pregnancy, two gorgeous babies.

Hub picked up a second hand bookshelf today and I have put away the last boxes of books. Yay! I said to hub how I am kicking myself that we every bought furniture brand new. Second hand is so much cheaper, and has character.
This bookshelf was an absolute bargain and will definitely stay in the family for a very long time.

We have an inspection next week for this property. Hopefully the only one we have. We have cleaned up this house a lot since we moved in. It was looking in dire need of a clean up and scrubbing. We even did the inside and outside windows. All of them. There is a lot of windows in this house.
Hub has done more than me, and I am so grateful for him and his energy.

My baby is cutting 2 more teeth. Top middle. These have been more painful than the last two and it pains me to see her upset. She is such a trooper and is so well looked after by her siblings. Especially my 8 year old. He adores her and is so gentle and loving to her. It is blissful to see how he is with her. He will hear her upset and come in with arms out asking her if she wants a cuddle with him.

I am struggling with my quilt square. More to the point I am struggling with how novice my work is. I know the mumma will dearly love every quilt square. It is just me, my own silly thoughts.
I am still excited to do it, and very keen to do my best.

As has been the pattern here the last month, the sunshine is a tease, only to be followed too soon with coolness and rain.
The boys keep coming up to get a drink, go to the toilet and tell us how cool the lightening is.

Here's to a busy day tomorrow!

Ten years ago...

2010-10-21T00:05:00.002+11:00

I married my best friend. We had been together 6 years and had a gorgeous little baby boy.

Here we are in high school. The last day. Life seemed so hard and difficult at times back then. If only we knew!
Hindsight is a you know what.

Before we knew it we had a house, and two little boys.

Then we blinked and there was six! (one is hiding on my back. you've seen pics of her, you know what she looks like)

I am so proud to call you husband. To share our crazy, zig zag life together. Our journey may always seem bumpy and with lots of detours but we get there in the end, together.

Happy Anniversary hun. I love you so very much.

Home made Pizza

2010-10-20T20:44:00.002+11:00

There is nothing quite like anything home made, in your own kitchen.
For a while now we have made home made pizzas.
Hub makes the dough, I am banned.
The few times I have made it, the dough has turned out crap. So it is now officially Hubs job!

Since we began making them we have had take away pizzas maybe 4 times. Every time we do the kids tell us that the homemade ones are best. Which suits us fine as we agree, and like making them ourselves, knowing exactly what is in/on each pizza.

The kids love making their own, and have learnt quickly that your toppings need to be put on sparingly, not heaped on, or the pizza turns out yuck and slushy.

So tonight was home made pizza night!! Yum And while I have cut right back, I will never give up coke completely. I have it once a week on Pizza night. You just can't have a pizza and no coke.

Bits and pieces

2010-10-19T00:30:00.000+11:00

~ Today we went to a park to hang out with other home ed families. The children all had a wonderful play in the Sunshine. Yes, sunshine! I am hoping we have turned a corner and Spring is now here.

~ Hub chose 2 movies for us tonight. One was the Aussie film Animal Kingdom, which was ok. The other movie, Eden Lake, he just turned offf. Crap, and leading into more scary parts, which I strategically leave the room for. As I always do with movies with scary bits.

~ At the moment the eldest boys are right into Titanic, so I have purchased a few bits from Currclick to add to their collection of resources. I am not affiliated with the site, just really like it enough to share.

~ Tomorrow I will be checking out a few Oppy's nearby I have not been in, and also visiting my fave which I haven't been into in far too long. I will be kid free! I am looking for a HUGE ass pot. For our little family of course, and also in particular for preserving.

~ The fire is going out as I type. Hopefully the last one until the cooler weather comes again next year.

~ There is laundry to be folded, and dishes to be done. Meh, they'll still be there tomorrow.

~ Here's hoping for a better post tomorrow eh.

Musical Monday

2010-10-18T22:35:00.002+11:00

Thank you to apwool for the idea today!

When I was little there was nothing with my name. No rulers, no pencils, no hairbrushes, cute little badges or pencil cases. On the very rare chance we saw something, the name was spelled with an i in the name.

The first record ever bought for me was of Gilbert O'Sullivan. My Dad bought it because of the song 'Clair' on it. It was so exciting to me to hear my own name. I never knew anyone else with my name or saw it on books or movies. I remember when Dad would play records late at night when we were in bed but not asleep. I would ask for my song.

I loved that song! and still do. It makes me smile every time I hear it. I often play it on Youtube so the kids can hear it while I sing, well attempt to anyway.

Here it is for you to enjoy too. My favourite part when I was little was the little girl laughing at the end, so sweet.

Linky Lucy today

2010-10-17T21:45:00.002+11:00

Today I am refreshing my memory about embroidery. Why? Because I am doing a red square for a wonderful Mumma.

I have been having lots of fun looking at other ideas, and also having lots of links sent to me. Mumma Owlet is happy for mixed media in regards to what people use for their square so long as the colour is red. Which suits me too a T as I adore red.

I am still deciding what media to use but I am certain of the design which is exciting. Stay tuned to see the final piece soon!

Way back Weekend

2010-10-16T14:56:00.003+11:00

First time parents, First baby, First cuddles.

For you Mummy

2010-10-15T23:29:00.004+11:00

Most days I am presented with several different flowers from the children. I love that they do this, and that it hasn't grown old. I love that amongst all the playing and fun they are having outside, they stop to pick me a flower.

Hopefully there are still many more flowers to rest on our window sill.

A quicky

2010-10-14T22:38:00.003+11:00

Sorry everyone, just a quick post today. I have been in bed pretty much all day feeling horrible. Sniffly, sore throat, sore tummy, lethargic and constant headache.
Poor bubs has it too, though not as bad as me thank goodness.
The 4 and 2 year old have followed in the last few hours, poor things.

Here's to a better day tomorrow!

Day 13 ~ Self Portrait

2010-10-13T09:14:00.005+11:00

Tinniegirl has proclaimed today self portrait day.

So I sifted through several pics of me and found this one, I loikes it, so you get to see it!

Me and filthy baby and a pile of washing ready to be folded behind me.

A little snippet of my every day.

Letting loose, carefree dancing and laughter

2010-10-12T17:27:00.002+11:00

One of the things I love about our family (Just one Clare? haha) is the way my children can dance and run around freely. In our house, outside, at a park, wherever the mood takes them.

The will jump, twirl, tap and hold hands as they spin faster and faster. They don't care about anything other than the fact they are having fun. They don't see people watching as intimidating, rather that they are watching because the child is so damn entertaining and knows it!

Their legs and arms flailing all over the place, squeals of laughter clear happiness around them fills my heart joy. They all love music and dance and it has never crossed their minds to just sit down and listen (like their mother does) No, as soon as music is on they jump up and start moving and grooving. They always grab my arm and say "Come on mummy dance with us!"

I was never one to dance. I would rather go to a pub then a club, and ugh dancing at parties sucked. I was one of those people who sat there saying how I didn't do dancing.
The closest I have ever come to dancing was the dances we did for the Debutant Ball. But even then it was structured dancing, hardly carefree, footloose or fancy free.

Seeing my children dance over the years has helped me to let go. To enjoy the feeling of moving to the music, not worrying about what others might or might not think of me.
Children certainly don't care. To them there is not a care in the world, just enjoying the music and dancing!

Us adults can learn a lot from our children. Lesson one, dance to your own beat.

Pony Rides

2010-10-11T21:56:00.003+11:00

Free pony rides! They all loved them, and a few went back again and again.
You know what happens with pony rides?
"Mummy, can I have a pony?"
"Umm, ask Poppy"
"Yay"

For April

2010-10-10T22:29:00.002+11:00

Today we went to an expo that including blacksmithing, wood turning, all things old fashioned and medieval too, pony rides, knitting and spinning, pottery and............ felting!!

Here is miss 6, carefully laying the fleece.

With her first creation. She was so excited about the whole process. The woman with the stall was so patient and lovely, taking time to explain every step and guide her. The finished product below was done with the bubble wrap method.

The ten year old was keen to try everything there. I was walking passed the felting with my 6 year old and we saw him having a go. My daughter said "Ohhh, I'll go and help him, cause I am an expert now"

He said it was ok, but he preferred the pottery.

And of course after he was finished she just had to have another go. This time she asked if there was any other ways to felt. The woman said yes and that she could show her, so they did!

Here she is using bamboo mats, the type used to make sushi.

She ended up having 4 goes at the felting. There was two woman at the stall and after the 2nd time they laughed when she went back again, saying "Hello again, let's go!" They loved helping her as much as she loved learning.

We definitely have a new hobby! Coming home with her felt masterpieces I said to her how much April would love to see them.

You now have a felting buddy April!

Only happy posts?

2010-10-09T17:55:00.000+11:00

There are many different kinds of blogs out there. Cooking, family, travelling, bikes, artists, house building. It goes on forever.

I tend to browse mostly blogs about motherhood and parenting, with a few owner building too.
The ones I like the most are those that include all aspects of life. The good, the bad, the gorgeous and the ugly.
I have read a couple of blogs that only have happy posts. Posting happy photos, happy times, and only these times.
While I appreciate the joy and do love many of the posts, I don't feel the same way about my own blog and snippets of my life I share.

For me the happy times shine because of the bad and harder times. They are heightened in my memory as they stand out amongst the myriad of days we float through.

I want to remember and share the low days so I can look back and see that I learnt from them, did better, and kept moving forward to the next day.
I want to remember that life ebbs and flows, and many days lead my journey here to the life I have now.

You've got 3 seconds....

2010-10-08T12:59:00.003+11:00

Wednesday night I took all the children swimming. Two of the kids have their lessons that night. I always find it interesting to watch the other parents deal with their children who want to keep swimming.

As you can imagine a swim centre is not the quietest place, three pools, lots of kids having lessons. But even with all this nice I could hear a parent bellowing "You've got 3 seconds! Three.....Two......" at which point the child reluctantly got out of the water.

About half an hour later I noticed another parent. He was doing a different 'come here now' tactic. He was closer to me so I could see the situation. He called out his sons name until the son looked at him. When he had eye contact he mouthed the words 'here, now' then put up his hand and did the one finger, then two fingers, then 3 fingers, and moved forward a few steps towards the pool as the son got out with a scowl on his face.

I had to turn away as I laughed a little. Not at the son or the dad, but for the whole counting to three thing in general.
It made me wonder, what would the parent do if the child just stayed in the pool? That made me laugh, as I imagine a child in the middle saying "Come and make me"
Then what? I imagine a lot of yelling is what, from the parent.
Or, the parent taking off their shoes and getting in the pool, but can't see that happening.

I remember last year a mother shouting so loud the whole centre went quiet. "I didn't drive you all that way to a lesson for you to not go in it, now you get over there now!" She was so loud that she frightened my then 3 and 5 year old. My 5 year old asked why she was yelling at the little boy. I told her she was yelling because she wanted the little boy to do something and thought threatening him would make it happen.

I appreciate it can be trying when a child wants to stay in the water and you need to get somewhere, or have them leave the pool. But to yell and shame them, nope, not on.

Over the years we have had struggles now and then with the same thing, I know it's hard. But yelling, threatening, bellowing is not the answer.
It took a while but we are a t a place now where the children get out of the pool when we ask, the first time, around 99% of the time.

Preparation, and lots of communication is our key. When we are in the car on the way to swimming I talk to the children about what we are doing after swimming and how it is very important that when I say time to go, they hop out. I also tell them that I will give them five minutes before they need to hop out.

I then remind them again right before we go in the centre. I know, a lot of talking, and reminding. But that is what makes it work for us. Children do not always have the memory that we do. Some things need to be reminded over and over, as well as practiced over and over until they are used to the routine.

It helps that the older children know the drill and hop out when we ask, as the younger children look up to them, and follow them.

We also understand that of course the children want to keep swimming, and I appreciate that. I would too. We can't though, so the routine at swimming is very important for us.
After the lesson they have some play time. When we are ready or need to get going we tell them they have 5 minutes until they need to hop out as we have to go shopping, have tea, see friends etc. This helps reminding them that we have somewhere to go.
In that 5 minutes I will get myself and the toddler ready.
When that is done I walk beside the pool call out to the children and start heading to the changerooom. The kids all hop out and follow.

The 1% when it doesn't happen is always the 4 year old. He is the cheeky one in the bunch! He mostly hops out when he sees us get to the change room door though. When he doesn't I go over beside the pool and tell him I know he wants to keep swimming, but we have to x, y or z and that we will back at swimming again in a few days.

Of course some days are better than others but overall the hard work and what can feel at the time as mundane reminding and talking about the routine has paid off.
The kids know how it works now and the experience is more enjoyable for us all.

Thursday Op Shop

2010-10-07T08:51:00.003+11:00

A post for two reasons. Firstly the gorgeous apron I found at a local market last week. Two dollars! It is very cute. Gingham material, in red which I love, and a handmade Tulip sewn on it. The flower is a pocket. Love it.

Second reason. I often post photos of my children and they are smiling, laughing or happy. Well here is proof they are not always like this. I asked her why she pulled that face and she said "Just to be funny"
What is funny is this is exactly how she looks when she is scowling, mostly at her brothers for not watching her dance or sing for the hundredth time in a day.

FYI she always dresses herself. I sometimes remind her to get a jacket if it is cold or suggest shorts if it is a hot day and she is wanting to wear jeans, but overall it is important to me they are free to where what they like. Besides, it's much more fun watching the creations they put together.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-06T12:42:00.001+11:00

Fun times with Kids

2010-10-05T23:01:00.002+11:00

Up until 2 minutes ago my mind was blank. I had nothing to write about.
Then my 2 year old started blowing her nose. No not on a tissue, come on, this is a 2 year old.
It was turning her head in all directions and blowing out her nose.
"What are you doing?"
"My node, my node"
"What about your nose? Is that a booger?"

I held her head up and looked, gah! It was a small bead from a bracelet. Thankfully it came out easily. I put it beside me tucked under my leg.
A minute later she is blowing again.

"Did you do it again!!"

Yes she did.

"Are you freaking kidding me!"

Thankfully I got that one out too, and in the bin they all go.

She is not the first to do it, and she won't be the last. Other incidents have included Lego pieces in ears and nose, coco pops and rice bubbles in nose, a Twistie in the nose, and a large Lego wheel stuck in the mouth.
There have been more but that is all I can think off the top of my head.

This blog post was brought to you by your friendly service announcer. Reminding parents to never underestimate what children will try to put in their ears, nose and mouth.

2010-10-04T20:30:00.002+11:00

My 8 year old has been watching his older cook up quite a storm lately and is wanting to join in the fun.
It makes me laugh when the 10 year old tries to give instructions to him, like he has been cooking for years. It usually end with me sending him out of the kitchen, telling him to google some more recipes he ca add to his list.

Here is the budding chef cooking up a batch of pancake batter. There is enough there for us to have two each. We have to double most recipes nowadays.

Rap skirt?

2010-10-03T20:15:00.004+11:00

I was admiring this gorgeous skirt just now.

Made by the very talented Zaleoqui.

I called Hub to come and see. He said it was nice and I need more clothes like that. I agreed.
The 8 year old then wanted to see.
"Oooh what kind of a skirt is that?
"A wrap skirt"
"A rap skirt? for rapping in?"
"Umm well it is wrap, as in wrap around, but yeah I guess if one wanted to they could rap in it too"

What a gorgeous skirt for Spring though. After a beautiful day today I am now on the lookout for lovely skirts and tops. Sigh, I love Spring!

Fly on the Wall

2010-10-02T18:55:00.002+10:00

If you were a fly on the wall in my house the last 24 hours you would have heard such things as

~ Is that wee? or is that juice? No don't lick it to find out!

~ Please stop licking the window

~ Mate, it's 3am, go to bed already

~ You just had a bath and you've put on the same dirty t shirt you just took off? Are you freaking kidding me?

~ Yes I would totally think that is a satchel like Indiana Jones and not a handbag

~ Seriously, I can only handle so much conversation involving Transformers before my brain starts oozing out of my ears, no offence.

~ Gah who farted (This said more times than I'd like to admit. What is is about boys and farting?!)

~ No the baby is not saying she likes that she is saying get your finger out of my freaking eye!

~ I had no idea trolls can regenerate

~ Sigh, I'd love to be a troll

~ I remember the good old days when there just me and you (said by 2nd son to oldest son. He was 2 when his younger sister was born, but yeah, good times)

~ That guy is 12 and he is an alcoholic.

~ Not alcoholic, alchemist.

~ Mum (at least 400 times)

~ Poo bum stinky poo head ( I know, all class in our house)

~ Me to 4 year old "Off the computer"
4 year old to me "I yogging off gimme a bwake"

~ a Robin Hood costume? sure.

~ You licked the icing off and want me to have the cake? I'll pass thanks.

~ No it's not an antique, it was mine as a baby, it's only 30 years old! Sheesh, how old do they think I am!

~ Yes, when I die you can all fight over my jewellery. Your love is overwhelming.

~ Dare no monster in da bath, it jut bubbles, don't be scared Mummy.

~ Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy! Yes? You name is Mummy.

Blogtoberfest Day One ~ Chores/Learning responsibility/Child Slavery

2010-10-01T13:01:00.006+10:00

All on a par really, yeah?

Today is day one of Blogtoberfest. I am looking forward to the challenge of posting every day, hoping I ahve enough to write about!
My theme for today is Chores!

As the children grow we have tried several ways to implement chores.
It always ends up failing. Mostly because...
~ I suck at implementing them
~ I suck at reinforcing them
~ My eye twitches when I watch the child attempt to do said chore
~ It's just easier for me to do it and do it right

Yes, sorry kids, Mummy can't do everything so she tries to delegate chores, but then you all suck at it so get out the way and just let me do it.

I am getting better at this whole chore thing, but we still have a way to go, mostly on my part, I'll admit it.
I need to learn to let go, accept the children are not as good/efficient/right in doing the chore as me.
I need to take deep breaths and increase the patience when I am showing them for the 24th time, how to do a chore.
I also need to remind myself to remind them, as much as I don't want to, that they need to do the chore.

In theory all children can do some chore. My 2 year old can pack up toys, put clothes in the laundry hamper and even help me do the veggies for dinner each night.
This is something I remind the older kids whenever they start whining about chores and what a great mummy I am throwing the fact their 2 year old sister can do more than them.

My eldest 4 children know how to clean their room. We have been doing it for years now, it's not that hard. Pack away toys, books and any clothes on the floor that were worn for two seconds. That is it. Really, it could not be any easier. You'd think so anyway,right.

We have been in this house a few months now and are settled in. Our chores don't really change much day to day. Our day in chores goes something like this.

~Eldest son is on dishwasher duty. He is to empty the dishwasher every morning before breakfast
~ After breaky everyone puts their dishes in the sink.
~ I wash dishes and wipe down kitchen
~ Lunch and dinner is same as breaky
~ After dinner we have the whinging/crying/yelling/crying/begging hour (most of that by me) One cleans down the table then sweeps the floors. Eldest stacks dishwasher. And everyone cleans up the loungeroom.

This is how it goes on a good day.

Something we don't do, is tying an allowance to chores. I know it works for other families and is an incentive for kids to complete their chores, but in our family my kids are immune to incentives.
"Clean the floor and I'll give you some chocolate" "Yeah, um, I'm going to pass on that Mum"
Little buggers.
There are also times when while they may not do the said chores every single day, they do help me in other ways and with free will.
My 8 year old will often come in my room when he hears the baby is awake and take her, telling me he will play with her while I have a shower.
My ten year old last weekend made me eggs on toast and brought them to me in bed. (While these may not be under the 'chore' umbrella, they are things that help and are very much appreciated)

While we don't give an allowance, we do want the children to know we appreciate their help in running our family. Every few months hub will take the kids out and they will pick something they really want. Something they have been thinking about or talking non stop about.

What do you do in your family? What chores system or rhythm do you have? Do you have all kids of all ages help out, or is there an age where they start?
Id love to hear about it.

Homeschool Freebie of the Day

2010-09-29T20:38:00.003+10:00

Grab it quick before it goes!

Taming the "Homeschool Information Overload" Monster.

Information overload is a factor of life. At times we all get tired and stressed, and either stall out or stray from our plans due to too much information. But it isn’t enough to just know what causes information overload. You must actively guard yourself from it, and take strategic steps toward taming it and getting back on track as soon as possible. In this report, discover practical strategies for dealing with "homeschool information overload" and learn how to free up more of your precious time for what is really important in your life. MUST reading for every online homeschool mom!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-29T08:28:00.000+10:00

Funny things my kids do

2010-09-28T16:29:00.005+10:00

Squeeze into clothes that do not fit them. They never believe us when we tell how them how they have grown and clothes do not fit anymore. Nope, they have to struggle into said outfit to find out for themselves.

Falling asleep, anywhere and everywhere. My children never cease to amaze me how they can sleep, especially through the noise!

My son who surprises me now and then with notes. Most have pictures cut out of catalogues and the notes say 'for Christmas' or 'for birthday'
Recently I went into to my room and found this. The box is a jewellery box my mother was given in the 60s. She never used it and gave it to me. My son asked if he could have it as it has a lock and he liked that he could lock up his treasures. (Lego)

The story goes that son left it on the floor, and other son stood on it as he didn't see it there in the dark. Son who broke the box knew it was 'antique' (his words) and felt bad and wanted to let me know via note, maybe he thought I would be mad being told face to face.
Either way I laughed out loud when I found this.

Yes, another funny brought to you by the 2 year old. She is hilarious at the moment. She puts together the funniest outfits. Here she is modelling bathers that are too small for her now and goggles. She insisted on wearing the goggles everywhere, outside playing, at the shops, but not at swimming lessons.

My 6 year old loves to dress up her younger sister. Oh how I would have loved a younger sister to dress up!

Twice a year I take all the clothes that don't fit the kids anymore and spread them on the floor. I do this right before Spring and Autumn. Clothes that are still good and can be passed on, stay. Clothes that are beyond repair, get tossed.

I then break out the big bags full of clothes to reshuffle. Anything that does or is very close to fitting comes out. Clothes from the first big pile that will be kept go in.

The great clothes reshuffle is not an easy job. I loathe it. My 6 year old daughter loves it! All the clothes that I get out of the bags she goes through. Several times while I am sorting she will grab something and run off. A few minutes later the 2 year old will emerge and say 'ta da!'

I love how they do this. It is fun, keeps them busy and is lovely to see them both enjoying time together.

Some fun amongst the boring, big job of the bi annual clothes reshuffle.

Fun at the Dairy Farm!

2010-09-25T21:18:00.004+10:00

Today Hub and I made a trip with friends of ours to visit mutual friends. Our friends are currently house sitting, and the house is on a dairy farm.
Hub and the children were lucky enough to go over to the milking and feeding sheds for a tour and some educating!
The people working were keen to tell the kids how everything works, and our kids were just as keen to fire off lots of questions.

Here they all learning about how much different dairy farming is from 100 years ago. Machines and technology have come a long way!

Learning about the milking machines, and how nowadays they only need to be attached. Each pump has a sensor. When it senses the milk flow dropping it releases and the pump attachments are pulled across and up out of the way by a cord.

All the calves being fed. While I know this is common practice in dairy farming I do not agree with it. Calves are fed from fake teats that are attached to big mixers, that mix the powdered milk.

The children did enjoy seeing calves up so close though. One calf in particular was not very shy and came right over to the children.

Having a lot of fun in the bales.

One thing about farms, the mud! Ooey, gooey, sticky, wet mud! The kids loved it! Especially this cheeky monkey who ran straight for it. He ended up covered completely, with a bit of skin showing so I knew it was him.

Good thing kids are washable!

They had such a wonderful time, and I am so thankful for our friends for hosting us and taking such an interest in our children, and showing them not only the cows and milking, but also about the other animals on the farm. The children especially loved the chickens, and are looking forward to when we can have our own.

For a more thorough post and lots more pics about our weeekend go visit Hub

A day of food in numbers

2010-09-23T11:07:00.002+10:00

I have been asked a few times about how much food we go through. So here is a rough estimate of our day. I will use yesterday as an example.

~ 3 litres of milk, includes cow and rice milk

~ One loaf of bread

~ 20 rolls

~ 1kg carrots

~ 2kg apples

~ 20 weet bix

~ muesli sprinkled on weet bix in cereal

~ 500grams of small steaks

~ 18 sausages

~ 2 cups of corn

~ 1kg of potatoes made into cheesy potato bake.

~ 2 dozen home made biscuits made by the junior chef

~ Bananas

Yesterday was a below average day. Usually there is cheese, strawberries and yogurt too. More often than not there is also broccoli, cauliflower and pumpkin with dinner also.

We are looking forward to the warmer weather because it means BBQ!! Salads, staying outside later, sitting on the deck with hub. Sigh. (Remind me of this in 3 months time when I am whinging and bitching about the bugs and heat)

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-22T11:43:00.004+10:00

Confessions of a Large Family Mother

2010-09-20T12:32:00.004+10:00

~ More than often I have laundry all over the house. Clothes in the hamper, clothes in the washing machine, clothes in the dryer, and clothes on the couch waiting to be folded.

~ I do not use cloth nappies all the time. Disposables save my sanity.

~ I sneak in my children's bedrooms when they are asleep and watch them for a minute. Marvelling at how big they are getting, especially my oldest boys are so close to being bigger than me. I am actually looking forward to it, all the jobs they can take on!

~ While we do not have commercial TV we certainly do have a DVD player and the kids watch something at least every day.

~ Some times my children have cereal for dinner.

~ My children have a bath once a week, unless they have an accident or get covered head to toe in mud from playing outside.

~ The only reason we do not eat fast food is because it is a 2 hour round trip. We have it so rarely now, when we have to go into the city.

~ I remember to cut my children's nails only when I notice them or get scratched.

~ I ignore the mess in our bus until crumbs, clothes and books fall out when the door opens. Then I find the motivation to clean it out, and while I'd like to say it stays that way and I make an effort to remind the kids to bring in everything, it doesn't happen. And 3 months later we are back at square one.

~ Hub and I hide sweets and eat them when the kids are all in bed.

~ I wear tracksuit pants every day.

~ Sometimes I let the kids eat whatever they want for lunch so I can chat with apwool on MSN.

~ You would think I would learn not to wait a second when a baby needs a nappy change. Even when it sounds like only a little, it may not be. Full nappy and clothes change needed!

~ I hate being told what is best for my children or family by people who are not with us 24/7, have no idea how we work and only want us to do things as they do, so they will feel better about how they do things. (Does that make any sense? ) Different is not wrong!

~ I also hate being told about a friends sisters neighbour who knew this family who homeschooled..............blah blah blah Just.don't.mkay.

~ I go to bed after midnight more often than I do before midnight.

~ Some days I can't wait for that quiet time after the kids are asleep and I can have a conversation with hub and we can actually hear each other.

~ I eat my pancakes with lots of butter and Vegemite. I also have Vegemite on scones.

~ Hub and I have a crazy, hectic, busy life. It feels like it has always been this way, we have just added some kids into the fun over the years.

I wouldn't have it any other way. Life can be hard sometimes and we can feel low, but I am so thankful to be married to my best friend and have our beautiful children who fill my hear with joy and our lives with laughter and happiness.

9 Months

2010-09-18T15:16:00.003+10:00

She did it again. Another month flies by, that I did not ok.
Our beautiful 6th baby and 3rd girl. So little yet taking such a large part of our family that could not be filled with anything other than her bright blue eyes, big smile and hilarious, contagious laugh.

The smallest noise from her has her siblings running to her side. I love watching them together, playing with her, or watching a movie with her on their laps, her sleeping their face or pulling their hair and laughing. They just laugh along with her and sigh.

My heart truly does grow with each child. So you can imagine how big it is by now.

Here she is in her second favourite place. The first is taking up her 3rd of the bed between hun and I.
In her carrier on my back. She falls asleep so easily in there, and it makes life so much easier when out and about, doing housework or outside watching the kids fly down the hill on carts a hundred times.

If you look close enough you can see her tooth on the bottom. It came through 3 weeks ago, and the other night the tooth next to this one came through too. I loved how excited the kids were when they noticed. The novelty of milestones never wears off.

With big brother. She adores her big brothers. She wails her arms up in the air and squeals with delight when they play peek-a-boo with her. They hide behind the couch or the door and jump out. It's hilarious to watch and hear her laugh louder and louder, which makes them laugh more too.

Trying to take a photo with everyone pulling faces at her so she would laugh. I have many photos like this of the last few kids.

Check out her gorgeous chubby bubby rolls. Some would be mistaken to think she was eating solids. Nope! It's all breast milk, FTW

We believe in following our babies lead for when they are ready for solids, when they are ready after 6 months exclusive breastfeeding.

So far this has ranged from 6 months, right up to 12 months.

Clearly our bubba is not lacking in any way!

Before we know it we will be celebrating her 1st birthday! I am not ok with this, but of course I also have no choice. Damn babies growing up. I do feel so privileged to watch them grow and flourish, moving closer to adulthood and further from my side. Sniff.

Thursday Op Shop

2010-09-16T00:29:00.004+10:00

It seems like ages since I wrote Thursday Op Shop post. I have not been in a couple of months and am missing my favourite little shop. We are now only 5 minutes from this shop since moving out here and you would think I would be able to stop in.
Sickness, catching up with others and getting things packed, put away, then moved again because I have changed my mind with where things should go, have taken up a lot of our time.

I have several Op shops I like, but the one near me always has such a great eclectic variety.

This small Ladies travel case is by far my favourite purchase so far. It cost five dollars and was brand new. The key was still in it's little envelope inside the case. Looking at google it is from the 1960s
I bought it for my daughter a few months ago for her 6th birthday. She loves it. She packs books, paper and pencils when we go on long drives, and will take it outside when the sun is shining and sit and draw on the decking.

I could not get a very good picture to justify the lovely colour it is. It is actually a lovely cream colour with brass lock and clasps.

It also came with 2 bottles, not sure where the other one is at the moment. Probably in the bathroom where my daughter fills the bottles with water.

As you can see it has some wear and tear from being used, and loved. I don't mind though as my daughter loves it and uses it almost every day. Money well spent!

12 Things I am Scared of, in no particular order

2010-09-15T20:21:00.003+10:00

1. Clearly if you have been paying attention to this blog, there are Moths. I hate them. They are fat, with weird legs and fly erratically trying to attack humans at will!

2. Jumping Spiders. Oh my goodness have you ever seen one? They freak me out, and give me a shudder just thinking about it.

3. Finding insects/bugs in shoes or clothing. Say no more.

4. Running out of toilet paper.

5. Hearing one of the kids call out "Um Mummy, you better come quick"

6. The 10 seconds after I hear number 5 until I see it. Usually followed by me saying "Gah, is that all" OR "Are you freaking kidding me!"

7. That my daughters will be teased and bullied by , how to put it, little bitches when they are going through that awkward growing up very fast stage. I am hoping the fact that they have eachother will help. I would rather go through childbirth than suffer those days of torment again.

8. That any of my children ever feel less than the wonderful people they are. That others will hurt my precious babies in which I will be forced to hunt them down.

9. Like only in Hollywood, my car/bus will somehow go over the edge of a cliff. Weird, strange yes, but I am scare of it nonetheless. Ahem,

10. That I will pulled over, or bump into someone I know, and it will of course be the day when I nip up the shops with no bra, trackie daks and no shoes. Classy.

11. That despite my best efforts I am forgetting funny things my kids say and do, how they are right now. Taking photos and video certainly helps a lot. I laugh at so much during the day and wish I could remember it all.

12. Don't laugh. But for as long as I can remember I have to shut the wardrobe doors before going to bed. I know right! ah well. I can see myself at 86, still shutting the doors,

The country, harden up.

2010-09-14T16:32:00.005+10:00

The country is not new to hub or myself. We both grew up with grandparents with farms. His more bush, mine a dairy farm. We rode motor bikes, horses and learned to drive in paddock bombs. We played for hours exploring, getting muddy, helping with the animals and enjoying the occasional bonfire.

So while we know a lot, it is quite different to being here every day.
The fire is something I have a love/hate relationship with. I love how it roars and crackles and warms you up in a way no electric or gas heater can.
I hate the maintenance though, ugh, the cleaner, the starting, the poking and looking after. Not to mention the hauling, moving and stacking of the wood. My arms are getting quite impressive.

Another love/hate relationship is outside. I love how much fun, enjoyment and play the kids get out there. All that land to run around on, make tree cubbies under the big branches and scare me by riding bikes and toy dump trucks down the huge hill.
I hate how much washing it makes! They get so filthy, and dirt and mud gets in everywhere. This annoyance I try to keep to myself. My mantra is, it's ok, they are washable. Keep saying it to myself, ha!
Here is my 4 year old, who dressed himself, outside. You can't tell but he has no undies on. Here he is pointing at rocks he had found. That's great honey, just keep them outside, mkay.

Another fun part of being in the country, bugs! Creepy crawlies! Shudder. I am much better now than what I used to be, but for the life of me I can't get past the common moth. I hate them!
There is LOTS of bugs here. Ants, mozzies, butchy boys, spiders, moths, flies now that spring is here, and lots more that we are learning about.

Here is a crawly we found downstairs. If you know what it is please let us know. Hub squished it after taking this photo and said it was fragile like, not thick. (Yes, the renovator in my is crying about the poor paint job. You won't see cornices like that at my house, haha)

The shops close early. Our nearest supermarket is 10 minutes away, so if you need milk or want a bit of choc, it's a 30 minute round trip. Planning ahead is a must! It is also a good thing sometimes that the nearest take away place is 45 minutes away. So if you feel like a cheeseburger it is an hour and a half round trip for it. This has definitely helped in the eating better department.

I am seeing this as more of a good thing. By planning better due to shops and stores closing before the street lights are on, we are eating better and are much more savvy with our money and budget. A big bonus there.

It is also good to be renting before we build our house. There are a few things we had not thought of that we will certainly want and need in our own house.

One is a big area outside the front door for a bench to put on and take off shoes. Not to mention have storage for the extra footwear. Shoes, boots, gumboots, snow boots, and that is just winter!

It is also great to be living in the community our land is in. Meeting people and making friends we will know for a long time.

It really is lovely here and I am so glad we are able to grow our family here.

Gain, lose, gain, lose, gain, lose...

2010-09-12T18:48:00.001+10:00

Weight that is.
I have been this height since I was 11 years old. From then until I fell pregnant with our first baby my weight stayed the same, within a kg or two.
In the last ten years my weight has gone up and down 6 times, with each pregnancy/baby.
I am proud of my body. I am proud of me. Carrying our babies, birthing them, nourishing them. 4 of them being over 5kgat birth!

I have never understood the term 'Getting my body back' I feel it is a set up to failure, false hope, telling women your body was not yours for a period of time and is now inferior.
After having a baby a woman's body will never be the same again. She can be the exact same wight, or even less, but her body is never the same. And why should it be? Why should society put pressure on women to think how they are after a baby is less than acceptable, and they are only worthy if they look how they did before their baby was born?

Our breasts get bigger, our hips spread, pelvis opens to be bigger to hold our baby and birth, our rip cage gets bigger, our skin stretches, our feet and hands can swell, and lets not forget the weight gain.
This is all a part of being a mother. Bringing a new lift into our world, our lives.
It is a rite of passage, a badge of honour for some.

Society tells us that sure, have a baby, but be sire to be back to your pre pregnancy weight as soon as possible and we will glorify you. And if you are still not at that acceptable size straight away we will remind you of it by plastering celebrities on magazines and how they were able to do it withing 3 weeks with thanks to their live in nanny, personal trainer, Chef and full gym at their house.

As if being a new mother is not hard enough, caring for a newborn, caring for ourselves, falling through the days and adjusting to this new life. Apparently you also have to be hair free(in the 'right' places, have a clean house, dinner ready, hair done, make up, and body looking acceptable. But for who? It's not for the baby who just wants you and to be fed, clothed, changed and loved, not for your partner who loves you and supports you no matter what, not for true friends who are there to help and support you.

So who is it for? If you ask me it is for the billion dollar industry out there that relies on woman to feel that they are not enough as they are. They need hair products, make up, waxing, plucking, and lets not forget the ever growing weight loss scams.
They don't care if you are struggling with feeding your new baby, or struggling to learn why your baby is still crying for the 4th hour in a row, or that you can't sit down as your arse is killing you from birth and stitches.

Nope. They just want your money. Plain and simple. Make out that women are not good enough and tell them how with x,y and z products they can be fabulous again, like they were before.
Fuck off I say!
We are still gorgeous, beautiful, wonderful and fabulous. We are just different now. We are mothers.
No matter what shape, size, colour or whether we wear jammies all day or gasp wear no make up.
Be who you want to be, because you want to, not because someone who couldn't give a crap about you says how you 'should' be.

What I do believe however is that we do need to look after ourselves. To be healthy, but also realistic.
Forget about media, society and others, and to find the place that makes us feel comfortable.

For me it is not where I am right now. I gained more weight in my last pregnancy than any of them. I'll be honest, my diet was not balanced. My weight has gone down since bubs was born but I hit a plateau a few months ago and stayed there. Winter set in and the nights got darker and I stopped going for walks. I also found comfort in winter meals and coke. Damn coke.

About 3 weeks ago I was uploading pics, we take a lot here. I came across some the kids had taken. Mostly extreme close ups of their faces, their toys, the ceiling, the curtains etc There was also some of me. I looked at the picture and it matched how I was felling. Flat, sluggish, heavy, unhealthy and unfit.
I was finding it hard to walk up our driveway to the letterbox, it is about 75 metres. I loathed going down stairs, because it meant going back up stairs.
This is not how I wanted to be. I felt blah. I knew I had to make some changes to improve my health and over all well being.
I wanted to be fitter, to go for hikes with our family, play basket ball with them, go bike riding, and just feel physically better to be more active.

So in the last nearly 3 weeks all I have done was cut right down on all the drink and foods that were making the biggest impact on my tiredness, sluggishness and over all not feel physically well. It has made a huge difference and I feel so much better already.
I have not given up my favourite treats, but am being more realistic with how much and how often. I love them and am not giving them up.

I was playing outside with the kids today and I could noticed a big difference in my fitness. Walking up our huge hill was not a struggle. It was great. The payoff is certainly more than worth it.
I have not actively been exercising. Our laundry is downstairs and with the kids being outside a lot lately I am getting more than enough walking done up and down the stairs and around the house.
I have lost weight which I can see from my clothes. I'm not sure why I was surprised at this. But it makes sense. If I am losing weight just by cutting down foods with no nutritional value it proves just how crap the food is and how much of an impact it was having on my body.

I have been in this position a few times now. Letting my fitness get away, going for the easy, quick and rarely healthy choice. It is my own doing and I accept that. Life can get damn busy and who the heck can do it all, all the time? Not me.
I'm far from perfect, and I get in slumps and I know I will again. I just hope I don't fall this far again. I don't like it, my body doesn't like it and it seems the easy way out. But it's not.

I am hoping this post makes some sense. It has only taken about 10 starts and stops, over 5 hours, to get to here.

To summarise we all need to find the right fit for our unique body and lives. To be happy with ourselves, with health being the main focus.
But also to not be so hard on ourselves. Be more forgiving of the ups and downs, and support each other as mothers who are all trying to do our best for our babies, children, partners, family and usually ourselves last.
Being a Mum is hard enough and having other Mums to talk to, catch up with and who understand makes such a big difference.

I will keep you posted on how I am going. I'll say in a month, with the hope it motivates me to keep going.

Father's Day

2010-09-09T12:49:00.003+10:00

Father's Day 2010 marked the tenth Father's Day for Hub, also his first with our scrummy 8 month old baby who really is so cute you just want to chomp into her cheeks.

The day started with Eggs on toast for Daddy, along with many hand made cards and trinkets made by the children at homeschool group. Gotta love homeschool group if only for the fact all that glitter, glue, felt, feathers and fun did not happen at my house.

We then set off for our traditional Father's Day trip to a gorgeous town, which unfortunately had all shops closed due to losing power from storms the previous night. So we decided to still walk around and the kids to play and have lunch elsewhere.

Every year we also have a pic on the huge log there. A few more kids needed to fill the log!

Here we have Miss 2. I wish you could see her face when she does this , it is hilarious, and very hard not to laugh out loud. Her little legs cannot carry her as fast as the bigger kids and as soon as she notices she is left behind she drops her head, slumps and walks slow with her bottom lip dropped. At this point Daddy will pick her up and chase after the big kids which makes her laugh and all is well again.

After a lovely day, boob and snuggles with Daddy our baby is very tired.

Happy Father's Day to the best Daddy and Husband, we all love you very much.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-08T17:58:00.003+10:00

I love that so many other blogs are doing Wordless Wednesdays too. Has been far too long for me to even blog at all let alone on WW!

This first pic is the view out of my lounge, from where I am sitting now. Bring on Summer so I can sit on the decking watching the children play/argue/scream/laugh.

My ten year old. I love that he is not inhibited to be himself. Footloose and carefree.

Education

2010-08-30T17:54:00.003+10:00

"Whatever an education is, it should make you a unique individual, not a conformist;
it should furnish you with an original spirit with which to tackle the big challenges;
it should allow you to find values which will be your road map through life;
it should make you spiritually rich, a person who loves whatever you are doing, wherever you are, whomever you are with;
it should teach you what is important, how to live and how to die."

~John Taylor Gatto

Feelings that are beyond describable

2010-08-11T13:31:00.000+10:00

When I kissed my child on the forehead, smiled and told him I love him and that I will see him later.

My throat hurts from the hard lump, and I strain to hold back tears so he doesn't see.

I want him to see that I am ok, smiling, it's all good.

The doctor says "Ok, let's go little man" And my son is wheeled away. I wave just before he is out of site, Daddy by his side.

Then the tears flow fast from your eyes as I slump in the chair. I don't think any parent wants to admit it, but for a moment, or more, you can't help but think, will he really see me again? Will it really be ok?

Fuck what have we done. Our baby going in for surgery again. This never gets easier. I am not strong, I am numb. How could this get harder every time we do this. Part I guess is I wonder if we are tempting fate. Each time the surgeon has come to the parent waiting room and said "It went well" and with those words I could breathe again and my heart would start beating again.

But what if he doesn't say that this time. What if his first words are "I am so sorry to tell you but.."

Fuck fuck fuck. Being at the hospital is the only time I have actually heard my heart thumping. So loud.

I am reminded how we do the best, what we think is right, with the information we have at the time. That is little comfort when you know what is happening to your little boy. Because no matter what the decision it was ours.

We have no idea how he will feel in ten or fifteen years time. My only hope is he believes us that we truly did, with all the information we had, and soul searching and tears, feel this was the way to go. Our hearts ached no matter what we chose.

When hub walks out alone we sort of stand there, just for a few moments. Then grab our bags and walk out. Our little boy is now in theatre. I remind myself that he will be ok, his surgeon is the best at what he does.

We go and get something to eat. All the while our baby girl is happy on my back. Smiling, gurgling and reaching out to grab everything we go past.

It is so warm and stuffy in there, I can hardly breathe. So we go to the garden area. Fresh air, feels so good.

All this time we make small talk. I can never recall what we say. Just a mix of words to pass the time, break the silence, break the thinking.

We go to the parent waiting room. It is quite large, with very uncomfy couches. There is a TV to help pass the time.

We spend a lot of the time glancing back and forth to the door.

The surgeon finally walks in. Something I only noticed last time was that he walks in with his hands behind his back.

He sits on the edge of the chair near us. "It went well, we got a lot this time"

And I breathe, heart starts thumping again.

He tells us how it went and that recovery will call us soon to go in.

Relieved to have seen him, and hear that our boy is doing well, we know get to wait some more.

Sometimes it feels like this wait is the hardest. I want to see him with my own eyes. Touch his soft skin.

When we hear our names over the speaker we scramble everything together and head to see him.

The recovery room is very big. It can hold around 20 beds. There are about 6 babies and children in there when we walk in. We scan the room looking for our son. Hub spots him first, and then I see him too.

I walk straight over and touch his arm. The relief, the exasperation, I smile at him even though he is still asleep.

He has to stay in recovery for about 45 minutes. So he can wake up, have a drink or icy pole and get a bed organised on the ward.

While I am gone changing bub he is moved upstairs. So we head up to the ward. I walk to the wrong end, so I head down the other end. I hear crying and I know it is him. He is awake and very upset. Ugh I hate this. Seeing him in pain, upset, groggy.

He knows we are there but he is obviously disorientated. It takes a while to settle him in, with lots of help from Daddyo soothing him, and holding him in his arms.

I feed bubs again while hub sits on the bed holding our boy. Before I leave I go and grab some water and snacks for hub as I know he is not going anywhere until I come back the next day.

Leaving is very hard for me. I know he is safe. I know the only person who could ever come close to loving him like I do is his daddy, but, I am the mummy, you know? I carried him, birthed him, and nourished him. But I know that the little babe on my back needs me now too, all her nourishment is from me.

I miss them both terribly over night, despite being a mummy sandwich between bubs and Miss toddlership.

It is so good to get a picture message from hub the next morning, of our smiling boy. I can't wait to go back to get them.

The other children are with my mum while I am gone. I know that she cares very much for our babies and despite having some differences with parenting she is consistent with how we do things, and if she forgets something our eldest boys remind her, which makes me laugh.

When we are all home again it takes our little guy a couple of weeks to settle back in, recover and feel himself again. To be honest the first week he is a nightmare, which is a combination of the drugs, the weight off his head and getting back to some kind of normal. Patience, patience and more patience is needed for us all.

We know that there will be more treatment needed for our son, but the biggest part is thankfully behind us.

I don't want to put my head in the sand, it's hard to when you can visibly see his large scars, but for now we are moving forward to healing, getting our family rhythm back and enjoying life again.

Here are some pics of the last surgery.

Arriving at the hospital. Bubs on back, ready to go.

My big and little men heading up the hill. Every week when Hub would take our son for his fill ups this is how he would insist on travelling. Apparently as soon as they would hop out the car son would say "My legs are tired daddy, you carry me"

This was our little guys first big smile after surgery. It was sooo wonderful to see. We took him and the kids to the snow. It was his first time and he was sooo excited. His face lit up and filled my heart.

Thank you everyone who sent well wishes and positive thoughts our way. They truly do help and are a comfort to read.

Love/Hate relationship

2010-08-08T00:25:00.002+10:00

I have a Love/Hate relationship with this Country.

I hate that people who hold higher powers of other people feel they have the right to tell them what they can and cannot do with their own bodies. Women are viewed as problematic to start with, so you can imagine what it is like for a pregnant women. Her body and baby are not hers.

Our government is now teaming with people who only want control and not to actually support women, into to taking every Australian Women's pregnancy and birth choices away. Decisions being made about women, with no input from women. Deals signed behind closed doors and in secret.

Lies, deception, and treating women as though they cannot research, know their bodies, or let alone read information and make informed decisions.

All this is done despite thousands of women, men and families protesting against. Fighting with them are also professionals, in particular Midwives. But also doctors, nurses, even Obstetricians.

I, we, will keep fighting for our rights, for every woman to hold autonomy for her body and stop the 'them vs us' hierarchy that has hurt far too many women, babies and families. Every woman, every choice.

And then, the love side. This country has Medicare. My children can have medical help anytime it is needed, from our wonderful Doctor, to Major surgery, and we do not pay. Well, we do pay, but through a medicare levy every year, but in the scheme of things it is very cheap, and certainly much cheaper than private health insurance.

There is a lot of controversy surrounding Medicare, in our country and others too. For me I see in the mindset as paying it forward. We pay taxes and the medicare levy, and use medical services only when it is truly needed. Our children will grow to be tax payers, paying it forward to others.

Our 4th child has needed several surgeries to improve his health and well being. This is made possible because of Medicare. The hospital he goes to is one of the leading children's hospitals in the world, seeing children from the whole world in need of specialist care. I am very thankful to live here, for my child to receive such care.

I don't know of any country where all the people are happy all the time. I would hope that ours will get better. Where people can work together and focus on the bigger picture of humankind rather than dollar signs.

He is Ten

2010-07-20T01:07:00.004+10:00

Making his birthday cake, telling me to take pictures.

My eldest son is Ten years old. I am still getting my head around it. I used to hate it when we would see friends or people and they would say "Oh my god would you just look at you, my you've grown so much. Sigh, time flies"
Because when you are a kid, it feels like time drags on forever, and you want to hurry up and grow up so you can do stuff.

And then I blinked. And the baby, my guinea pig baby, turned ten. Together, everything is the first time. It still is, and will keep on this way for quite a while longer.

The child who paves the way for his younger siblings. So much that we go through is new, and so I am anxious, nervous, scared, excited about milestones, new adventures, moments where I have no friggin clue what to do or say. Times when he asks me a question and I stare at him, scanning my brain to find the 'right' answer, him looking at me with a look of 'Hello? 2 minutes went by, answer the question you crazy woman with left eye twitching'

I will spare all the details of the birth. Let's just say our wee babe was pulled from my body and I was so relieved he was out. Others in the room were in more a joyous mood then myself, thanks to the drugs, and sleeping tablet I was given 12 hours earlier because 'First time mums take forever' Hmm, guess not! Others may say birth does not matter, so long as there is a healthy baby. To that I say a healthy mother is just as important.

This is me and my baby, our first cuddle, several hours after he was born. I am all puffy and still sick from the drugs. Several others had held my son by this stage. My husband and I were finally alone with our baby and I said to him "Can I have a cuddle now?"

When I look at this picture, the caption that comes to mind is "Here is our baby, how does he work?" In so many ways the hard part had just begun.

Those early days, all blurry and muddled together. Boobs that doubled in size and leaked (no one told me they leaked!), not being able to sit, shuffling around, baby crying for a feed despite being fed 3 hours earlier for a whole hour. Sleep deprived, emotional, ready to kill the next person who told me it was just the 'baby blues'

I wish I could go back, put myself and baby in bed, and say 'Relax, just snuggled in bed with your baby and rest. The cleaners, cooks and helpers will take care of everything."

Instead, through well meaning advice, I would wrap and try to put our helpless baby in his own bed after every feed. Well, after a nappy change and burp., cause you have to whack that babies back until it burps damn it!

Somehow we made it without breaking him. Amongst all the learning and growing our son was absolutely wonderful. I truly understood what it meant to love another person so much that you really would do anything for them. His first word was Mumma, at 3 months. I was mocked by some people when I told them. Apparently he was too young and all babies say Daddy first.

How proud I was when he said it in front of them. My smile could not be bigger seeing the look on their faces, ha!

Our little boy grew up sooo fast. Looking back it was too fast. Doing everything very early, but we were excited to watch these milestones, not really noticing time flying by, and our baby becoming a very independent toddler.

When we felt ready for another child I was so scared. Could I love another baby as much as I loved our son? I didn't think it was possible, and spent many nights awake, scared and worried for our new baby.

Here we are. I am about 6 months pregnant here. He loved resting his head on my belly.
When the baby was born, all the stress and worry I had was gone in a flash. I was in love with our not so little baby boy, and couldn't wait for our eldest to meet his new brother.
When he did he was more interested in seeing me, and the hospital bed and flinging all the curtains.
Over time though he grew very fond of his little brother, and they are still best friends.

Then came along a little sister. Looking back at pictures of him and his baby sister make me laugh. He adored her so much. He would do anything to make her smile and laugh, and entertain her. Nearly 6 years later and wow, can he get angry if she so dares to even look at his things!
Every now and then they share a moment, playing together, or him helping her with reading words she doesn't know and it warms my heart.

The journey I took with my son lead me to the parent I am now. I learnt to follow my heart, my instincts, what I sensed was right. While I look back with a sadness that I did not parent my baby how I have his siblings, I also am grateful that we learnt together that there was a better way, and that it is never too late to block your ears from well meaning advice and listen to your heart and child.

He is by far the child I worry about the most. The child I think too much about in terms of our parenting with him. Wanting to get it 'right' and not stuff up.
By the time we get to the 3rd child and beyond we have learnt what is important and what is not, and the children after that get more relaxed parents. We have been there before you see.
We see a child with a clump of hair missing from their heads and laugh, or a child covered head to toe in Vegemite and grab the camera.

We are trying hard to relax more, and do our best with our guinea pig baby and all that life is throwing at the 3 of us. I am still getting used to receiving emails from my son, but am grateful he wants to send them to me, 99% being toys, lego and games he would like.

For now, I shall embrace the endless talks about bionicles, star wars, Indiana Jones, lego and the myriad of facts he likes to tell over and over about Dinosaurs.

Happy Birthday our son. Try to go slowly, you have all the time in the world.

Breastfeeding in public

2010-07-06T12:12:00.002+10:00

Breastfeeding in the modern day can be damn hard work. A time when women's bodies are advertised in a sexualised way more often then not. These advertisements on billboards, posters, bus and train stops, shopping centres, TV, grocery stores, magazines, newspapers and the list goes on and on.

I have breastfed all of my children wherever and whenever they needed. It is normal to me that ANY baby, no matter how they are fed have the right to their food source when they need.
Due to what I mentioned in the first paragraph, this can make breastfeeding particularly challenging at time with members of society who see women's bodies as every ones but a babies.

http://www.nursingfreedom.org/2010/07/carnip-day-1.html Nursing Freedom has put together a collection of posts, articles and blogs that touch on this topic.

The little things...

2010-06-20T19:06:00.003+10:00

That make me laugh.
This sticker is on my sun visor in my car, and it makes me laugh every time I put the visor down.

Forty before Forty

2010-06-06T21:23:00.001+10:00

In no particular order, a list of 40 things I would like to do over the next 9 years.

1. Learn how to follow a knitting pattern and complete a project.

2. Take the kids to Tasmania for a full tour.

3. Take the kids on a Ski trip to New Zealand. We want to stay at a Ski Resort with the works, make it a great holiday. (This will happen closer to age forty and we have already started planning for it)

4. Learn how to follow a crochet pattern and complete beanies for my family.

5. Go on a holiday with Hub, just the two of us for at least 2 weeks. Our last holiday with just us and no babies, and not pregnant, was Feb 1999. Yeah, a fair wait hey.

6. Complete the training to become an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant)

7. Build our 'forever' house. (Hopefully this can be finished in the next 2 years)

8. Buy a sewing machine. Or should I say, have it bought for me, wink, nudge, ahem.

9. Take our family to see the 'Dish' in Parkes. (If you know me well you have laughed out loud at this)

10. Sew something for each member of our family.

11. Buy a bike and trailer. Like this one.

12. Learn another language. We are on our way with this, choosing Latin.

13. Learn how to spin wool from apwool and the Spinnners!

14. Buy my new DSLR Camera, something I have been aiming for, for a few years now.

15. Take my kids out on a date, one at a time, with just me and the 1 munchkin. They pick what we do, where we go and what we eat. (Shall be interesting I'd say!)(We do this already, but on a smaller scale, not a whole day out)

16. Buy a huge canvas and have myself, Hub and the kids put footprints and hand prints on it in the colours of choice. (This is something hub and I have talked about for years, and I can't wait to do it)

17. Hang canvas above fire place in forever house. Pride of place for us to look at for years to come, especially when the children are off making their own lives. Sob, sob.

18. Ride a horse along the beach. Ugh I know right?! But damn it I want to do it. With Hub, at sunset. Nawwwww

19. Put all our photos that are all over the place in boxes and bags, in to albums. Remember albums, the type you hold in your hands like a book? As more children came, and digital cameras, time was rare, so I left the photos in the 'I'll get to it one day' pile.

20. Paint a painting. I don't know of what yet. Frame it and hang it.

21. Read the following classic novels Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Treasure Island, 1984, The Catcher in the Rye, Gulliver's Travels, The Great Gatsby and last but not least a book I am adding just so I can say I have read it, Moby Dick.

22. Hold a dinner party at our house, with several friends, having adult conversations, and several courses.

23. Make fruit and veg gardens at the new house.

24. Maintain fruit and veg gardens.(I have to add this, or I will kill said gardens in a matter of days)

25. Make a pie, using our own home grown food, from scratch, including the pastry.

26. Cook a home made meal every night for a whole month. Hoping this is fairly easy, with Hub joining in.

27. Start Horse Riding again. Miss5 is very excited about starting when she turns 6, and I am hoping it is something we can do together.

28. Take the kids on a Paddle Steamer on the Murray River.

29. Spend a whole summer as a family at a holiday house on a gorgeous beach.

30. Renew our vows like a cheesy older couple with children watching thinking their parents are uber cool, not :)

31. Get a tattoo, hub and I have talked about getting something for both of us for nearly 15 years. I'd rather give birth.

32. Run a marathon. Or at least a 5km fun run. (Apwool's idea, which means she gets to do it with me, lucky her!)

33. Buy a Motor bike, just for me, no one else to ride, that includes you hub ;) I loved riding when younger, and miss it.

34. Buy myself an outfit, including shoes and accessories. (I tend to wear my clothes until they are falling apart, so this would be nice)

35. Buy chooks.

36. Buy a dog, and hope it doesn't eat the chooks.

37. Go to a show in the city with Hub. The kinf where you dress up and have intermission and talk to adults.

38. Go to a spa resort with friends for a weekend away. (Oh to lie in a hot bath and not have a million interruptions that all start with eother someone banging down the door or someone saying "Hey Mummy....." )

39. Take up netball again. Another joy I miss.

40. Throw a huge 40th birthday party!

Do I think I will do them all? I really don't know, but hey that's the fun of a list. Putting it out there, and seeing what happens.

I now pass this on to apwool and Shae and Daddyo and Nat who will do their list, and pass it on too. (Mine took 3 weeks to put together, so no rush!)

Thursday Op Shop

2010-06-03T16:04:00.000+10:00

I found these cute cord overalls for $1.50. They are a tad small for miss 2, but thankfully there is another wee person that will grow into them and I am guessing will fit well next winter.

Another year over, a new one begun

2010-05-29T02:25:00.003+10:00

Hub is now 31. There is no denying you are in your thirties when you turn 31.
The first time I knew I really liked him was the night before his 15th birthday. We were at a mutual friends party.
I still remember what we were both wearing, and how I had an annoying pimple in the middle of my forehead. The joys of being a young teenager.

My first thoughts were "Fire truck this guy is tall!" At 14 he was already 6ft 4.
There were a few of us all talking and I remember making Hub stand downhill, so I could see his face better.
He was funny, and made me laugh. He was friendly and kind. I also noted very quickly he was not up himself, or preoccupied with himself or an asshat, like many boys that age were. I liked this a lot.

We starting going out in the usual way you do when you are young. Friends did it without us even having to talk to each other. It was scary but so exciting. The kind were you are shitting yourself, but your heart is pounding with excitement at the same time.

Here we are at 15. The term 'babies' comes to mind when I see these young faces. The jeans I am wearing I loved, along with my oh so hot check shirt from Portmans. Oh the days when I cared about labels.

Going out with someone from a young age, and now still being together means a huge chunk of growing up in between. We finished high school, went on to uni, had jobs, and our fair share of fights and arguments along the way.
A lot over such stupid, little things. If only I could go back and tell our younger selves to not sweat the small stuff, and just enjoy being young with freedom and not too much responsibility.
Hindsight, sigh.

Our wedding. While driving to our photo location we were stopped at the traffic lights. A guy in a car across yelled out "Don't do it!" Hub just smiled back and said "It's too late!"

That day I married the awesome father of our beautiful boy, and my best friend. We have changed a lot since that day, sometimes I think more than from getting together as teens to that day.

Hub knows me very well, sometimes too well. A lot of the time we don't even have to talk. This can great and frustrating at the same time.
There are times we are so in sync that we will yawn, or sigh or say the exact same thing together. I guess after 16 years you blend together a little.

16 years, a lot of tears, laughter, gut wrenching pain and agony, buying land and houses, joy, fun and 6 awesome children who have taught us the biggest lessons of our lives and our relationship.
I am thankful that my children have a hard working father, both for his work and his family. A father who doesn't follow others and what is the done thing, but follows his heart and his children's lead.

Before you get too teary about how wonderful my hub is, I just want to add he does shit my up the wall with his snoring, huge shoes left all over the damn place, his one selfish weakness that can make him not think straight ~ Motor bikes, socks left on the floor the wrong way out... and I'll leave it there.

Because someone once said that as much as you might hate those socks on the floor, you would rather them be there than not. A reminder to again not sweat the small stuff. Focus on the big things.

The big thing being that I am so fortunate to be sharing my life with my best friend. The only person in the world who has stood up for me, emotionally, spiritually and physically, whether he agreed with me or not. A man who not only likes how passionate and crazy I am about everything from birth, breastfeeding, parenting and children, but encourages and supports me.

I think one of our bigger tests will come soon as we embark on building our next, and final house together. Let's remember to take deep breaths hun.

Happy Birthday to you my husband. Thank you for hanging in there for the good times and not so good, on this crazy journey called our life.

When Wednesday

2010-05-26T20:18:00.001+10:00

When they are so cute your heart explodes.

Oldest and Youngest, keeping eachother snuggly on a cold night.

Hello, I 'can' see you, grrrr

2010-05-16T23:31:00.002+10:00

I am fine when people give a second look.
I am fine when I see peoples heads bobbing as they count us all.
I am fine when I look in the corner of my sunnies and see every car that passes us have a really good look.

But I am not fine with comments or words spoken about us when we can see and hear you!
Show a bit of respect and wait for us to have left the same space as you.
Cheers

Gah, just one of those moments. I know, brush it off, blah blah. But Damn it, today I whinge.

Thursday Op Shop

2010-05-13T19:30:00.002+10:00

When I was little I would love going to Trash and Treasure markets with my Dad. We would go for him to sell/browse/buy car parts.
I would often buy trinkets and little statues that caught my fancy. My bedroom dresser , desk and window sill were covered with these trinkets, all arranged how I liked them.

Recently we purchased a buffet and hutch for all our homeschool books and pieces. I will post the pics of it soon. I promise april!
We have kept our paint brushes together with a hair band and I was wanting something a bit nicer. A little jar or something. So I popped down to our 2 local Op Shops, they are across the road from each other which is perfect.

I am quite fussy with Op shopping. If I don't find something I really want it stays. Sometimes this means I am kicking myself the next day when I think about something I left but should have bought. Like the 2 tapestry hoops I left last week, one dollar for the pair. If you know about hoops then you know how cheap they were! Not to worry I know more will come my way.

I find it relaxing, fun and sometimes exciting. It is also something for me to do with the babe, or on my own.

These finds are from last week. Quality Streets chocolate and Toffee tin. Who doesn't either have or remember one of these at their house or a friends, or grandparents. Filled with buttons, pins, nails, little knick knacks. It was 50 cents, and so I grabbed it. The preserve jar had no price on it and was sold to me for 20 cents.
The material is a large 'scrap' piece for 60 cents. It is about a square metre and I really loved the pattern. It reminds me of our house in the 80s and I thought it would be cute for something come Spring.

More Op Shop finds coming next week!

Real tears

2010-05-13T13:14:00.003+10:00

As some may or may not know we are commercial TV free. We still have ABC and the kids can watch a dvd now and then.
Our TV was quite nice when we first got it. However for some reason the TV's at the time all had buttons and plugs at the front. Clearly designed by a childless person.

Several years later the cover at the front is missing, all but one button is gone, and the spots for the plugs(so technical aren't I?) are moving, and one I just discovered is hanging out.
Every time something new happens to destroy the TV even more the kids will tell me "Oh yeah that happened last week" or "Yeah Daddy knows" and my favourite "It's been like that for ages"

The colour was going all fuzzy just before, and I was told about the latest thing gone wrong. I said it looks like there will be no TV soon. But we can fix it, Daddy can fix it, It's just the plug, we can buy more.
Sorry my children it is the actual TV that is falling apart and when it dies we won't be replacing it.

Oh my, the looks on their faces. I do believe there was tears in their eyes.

And of course ten seconds later the 2 year old grabs the scissors that the 5 year old had been using and tries to cut the edge of my laptop, and now there is a scratch on it. I am joining in on the crying.
I wonder if my warranty covers it? Is that lame though? For a teensy scratch.

Four

2010-05-12T16:25:00.003+10:00

He had an absolute ball on his birthday. It was really lovely.
When the time came for him, bubs, Hub and I to leave he was totally ok. No melt downs at all. The others all said good bye and wished him well for surgery the next day.

Having all his new presents to take home helped a lot. Especially the New train table from Nanna and Poppy!

Here he is just before they both fell asleep. He was really enjoying one to one time with his bubby. Lots of cuddles and showing her all the trains and toys.
She absolutely adores him. He is the only one of all the children who can make her laugh so hard she has to catch her breath. It's hilarious to watch. All he has to do is look at her and she laughs.

Happy Birthday cheeky monkey!

Now, 5 more weeks and we have another birthday! That's the thing with more than a few kids. Lots of birthdays! And birthday cake ;)